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Slylock Fox, 8/4/25

You might remember a few years back when supposed genius entrepreneur Elizabeth Holmes started a company called Theranos that could run multiple medical tests from a very small amount of blood, something that was of great interest to me as a needlephobe and apparently to lots of other people too, because the company raised billions of dollars and had multiple former Secretaries of State on its board of directors, but then it turned out that the technology never worked and the product was never shipped and it was all an enormous scam. At a certain point Theranos stalled for time by announcing a big partnership with Walgreens and sending them these machines that were big boxes that performed “blood analysis” if you stuck in a vial with a normal-sized blood sample, and eventually someone opened it up and discovered it was just running the exact same tests a regular lab would run, with off-the-shelf equipment kind of all jammed in there together. What I’m trying to say is that Count Weirdly isn’t selling fake honey; he’s selling real honey out of a “machine” that’s full of enslaved bees. It’s an easy mistake to make for a fox who wasn’t sapient during the final, fraud-heavy chapter of human civilization.

Judge Parker, 8/4/25

Oh, by the way, April’s Norwegian spy encounter ended in violence and possible kidnapping, but I didn’t really cover it here because, what, do you log in to this website for terrifying thrills? No, you want to be soothed, and so here, here’s a strip from the “cool down” phase of this plot, in which a character who was not present for the incident but who heard about it from someone who was relays the information she’s gleaned secondhand to a third party.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/25

Cody may not be a blood relative to Truck, but they do have stuff in common: they’re both musicians, and they’re both aficionados of the sitting-based lifestyle. The difference is that Truck likes to sit on park benches, contemplating his troubles, whereas Cody sits in his not-stepmother’s diner, sponging off the free wi-fi while he dicks around on his laptop. Really makes you think about society these days!

Curtis, 8/3/25

Hey, remember when Curtis and Barry got expelled from their church congregation, for the sin of tomfoolery? Well, Barry has taken the opportunity to explore the sacred texts of the dharmic religions, and has been meditating on the nature of the soul and the possible purposes of the cycle of eternal rebirth. Curtis, meanwhile, has done exactly zero spiritual seeking. “It’s summer!” he declares. “We don’t hafta meditate on the nature of anything!”

Six Chix, 8/3/25

I was going to get mad about this strip, which seems to propose a world where dogs walk on their hind legs and contemplate art but can’t read, but then I realized that this is probably a ceci n’est pas une arf type conversation. Surely nobody drinking red wine at an art opening could be anything less than a sophisticated intellectual! I’m sorry I doubted you, dogs!

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Mary Worth, 8/2/25

Not sure what’s funnier here: That Olive says it’s hard to “ignore the critics,” as if there’s a Yelp category specifically for tweens and Olive has received a series of 1- and 2-star reviews referring to her as “weird” and “subpar” and “is she psychic or what, I don’t get it, she hints at it a lot but mostly doesn’t do any cool stuff,” or that Mary urges her to “keep on shining,” as if she were vaguely aware that there’s a book and a movie about a little psychic kid called The Shining that she’s never seen but it sounds like such a pleasant and optimistic title that she assumes everything works out pretty well for him.

Hi and Lois, 8/2/25

“What this beach needs is fewer little kids coming up and talking to you,” the lifeguard thinks. “I should make a sign telling them not to do it.”

Gil Thorp, 8/2/25

Ha ha, Gil is totally sanguine about the possibility of his ex-wife taking a job as AD at his hated rival school! It’s all good! Holding a big cup of lemonade at the top in a vice grip where it looks like you’re going to crush it with your bare hand is normal and a sign that you’re just relaxing and having fun, actually!