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Gil Thorp, 9/9/15

If there’s one thing Gil Thorp does well, it’s call back to beloved (?) characters from the past, so as soon as it became clear that we were supposed to know who Holly Dobbs is, I Googled “holly dobbs gil thorp” and … guys. Guys. This article from 1993 says that Holly Dobbs is GIL’S EX-GIRLFRIEND, a former Milford English teacher/aspiring actor who he was about to propose to when she got cast in a play in fancy New York City and left Milford behind her … forever. Or, you know, for 38 years, since that story ran in newspapers in 1967. But now she’s back and I sincerely hope that the implications of both this strip and this strip hold, i.e., that she was secretly also dating Marty during her Milford life, and that now, with her acting career dead, she’s returning to teach high school as some sort of awful reality show stunt, meaning the hot Gil-Holly-Marty love triangle action will be broadcast to fans nationwise.

Archie, 9/9/15

It’s kind of weird that this whole strip is just bathed in a urine-colored omnipresent glow, but if you were a colorist confronted with Archie strip where the joke involves Jughead stink-breathing “VICTOR HUGO,” and also, completely out of character, recognizing a Victor Hugo quote, you too might decide that you don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Mary Worth, 9/9/15

“I mean, not literally. That would’ve been great! I could’ve used that card to rent a room at a nice hotel! Instead I have to hide out here with you, ugh.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/15

“I’ll see what I can do! About the patriarchy, I mean. I’m a former nanny who married her way into the upper corporate echelons, so I’m trying to bring it down from the inside.”

Crankshaft, 9/9/15

I’m starting to think Ralph Meckler’s probably not going to win this election, guys.

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Herb and Jamaal, 9/8/15

“Herb and Jamaal eschews proper nouns and really specifics of any kind” is a thing I used to talk about on this blog a lot, but I got sort of tired of it and I don’t think the strip does it as much as it used to anyway. Today at least it seems like it might vaguely be in service to the joke? I mean, it would be more natural if the dialogue went like this: “She arrives today on the noon bus!” “Is that the Greyhound?” “Yes.” “Well, that’s appropriate, because she’s a real dog, get it? Tell her she’s not allowed to touch my stuff.” But no, the tension in Herb’s household is expressed much, much more passive aggressively.

I also like that Eula has a Star Trek mug. Just because she’s moved in with the son-in-law that she despises, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have hobbies or interests! Herb, who has no hobbies or interests, couldn’t think of anything to put on his mug but his own name.

Judge Parker, 9/8/15

It must be pretty fun to be Marie, who has her housekeeping duties occasionally interrupted by industrial cleaning duties and HR department duties. I approve of this development, because it brings forward the inevitable day when she murders all these people.

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Mary Worth, 9/7/15

You guys. You guys. When I predicted this yesterday, I was kidding. Kidding. I mean, surely Toby wouldn’t dramatically tell Ian “do not try to look for me” and then lay low in literally the same building. Surely she has some friends other than Mary. Maybe we’ve never seen her interacting with them, but surely she had them. Some people she knows from the local art scene? Her old friends back in New York? Turns out nope! Turns out Mary’s all she’s got. This whole thing’s going to be fantastic. Anyway, since I can apparently control the course of this plot with my barely plausible predictions, here’s my next prediction: Toby will very quickly drive Mary up the wall by letting her filthy, filthy human skin touch all the surfaces in Mary’s apartment, her pure, beautiful, disinfected surfaces.

Blondie, 9/7/15

Ha ha, get it? Because megabytes are some kind of thing that’s inside a computer, and it sounds like you’re taking a MEGA (big) BITE (of food)? And Dagwood is a terrible compulsive eater, so he likes biting food? The saddest thing about this joke is that I’m pretty sure the Blondie Inc. Creative Brain Trust came up with it, like, ten years ago, and only now feel confident that their readership will really “get it,” and even then had Dagwood and Alexander say “megabyte” to each other four times, just to be sure.

B.C., 9/7/15

Don’t worry, this turtle’s shell isn’t a twisted, unnatural attempt to mimic secondary mammalian sexual characteristics. She’s just deformed because she was born in a pile of garbage!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/15

AT LAST

THE DAY IS HERE

THE DAY WHEN THE LIVING FINALLY OVERTHROW THE TYRANNY OF THE DEAD