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Family Circus, 7/21/15

Fifty weeks out of the year, the fine folks at Team Family Circus bring you wholesome jokes beneath drawings of children. This is them telling us they’re on vacation, dammit.

Beetle Bailey, 7/21/15

I’ve always suspected that for Sarge, beating down Beetle was an end in itself rather than an attempt at discipline, and here he flat-out admits it. But it’s sad how bored and disengaged he looks in the second panel there. “No, I don’t care about the nap.” you can hear him say, “Beatings — of the prescribed duration and intensity — are what I do. They have become who I am. But lately I don’t even care about the beatings. As soon as I’m done here, I’ll go weep into my food.”

Phantom, 7/21/15

OK, so Kipawa here has challenged Guran for chief of the Bandar, which really irritates Guran trufans Kit Jr. and Heloise. Now we all know Guran is going to pull some mysterious win-by-losing BS out from under that manskirt of his so don’t worry. But what’s with the dress code for these Bandar events? We usually see the kids in loose-fitting Bandar-style thong ‘n’ sarong outfits, but they put on Gap to visit the tribe? I mean, Dad hasn’t even changed from his work outfit (never changes it so ripe ugh poor Diana).

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 7/20/15

Mark works out his resentment of his editor’s new office by abusing his expense account.

Apartment 3-G, 7/20/15

“I mean I’m going to garrotte her in an alley, dissolve her flesh in lye, crush her bones to powder, and dump the slurry in a river. Honestly, mother, sometimes it’s like you don’t know me at all!”

Slylock Fox, 7/20/15 (solution inverted)

Psst, Shady … tell Slylock you cooled them in the stream. Then offer him one, and invite him to sit down and cool his feet. You know how things work around there.

9 Chickweed Lane, 7/20/15

9 Chickweed Lane parodies the eponymous rabbit from Harvey, on the theory that the strip needs a character even more irritating than the regular cast.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crock, (panels) 7/19/15

Say there, Crock Narration Box, I believe this is your very first appearance — congratulations, and welcome to the comics page! I hope you won’t mind a little constructive criticism from a long-time fan of Narration-Box classics like Phantom (“In the Bandar tongue!”), Apartment 3-G (“On the street, at the Tribeca Grill or maybe in their apartment …”) and — the Shakespeare of Narration Boxes — Amazing Spider-Man (Irony, anyone?“):

• First, credit where credit is due! The Lost Patrol’s gimmick is that they’re, well, lost, so good job maintaining the “fruitless search” narrative.
• You’re new here, but it’s “Narration Box,” OK? The panel frame doesn’t count — put a border around yourself, for decency’s sake.
• Finally show a little sympathy for your characters — when the joke is about them tripping over camel dung, “hot” and “steaming” are just twisting the knife.

Edge City, 7/19/15

Like Hi Flagston, Greg Wilkins, Frank DeGroot, and other stuck-in-time comics Dads, Len Ardin poses as a Gen-Xer, but his choice of music outs him as a Boomer. His music and, of course, his grotesquely swollen prostate.

Crankshaft, 7/19/15

Descending into madness, billionaire Howard Hughes grew obsessed with the spy drama Ice Station Zebra, watching it over and over. Here, Rose obsessively watches two Irish guys slug it out in a coal mine, scouring every scene for hidden clues that will help her make sense of her petty, vicious, empty life. She’s thaaaaat close to insight, she just knows it — but the answers just slip away every time. Of course it upsets her stomach — have a little compassion for the crazy old bat, you jerk. And take that damn hat off in the house.

Hi, everybody! I’m filling in until the 28th while Josh visits family and friends back East. Reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if the site gives you any trouble. Enjoy!

— Uncle Lumpy