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Six Chix, 5/19/15

Congratulations, Six Chix: you’ve set a new record for fastest ever transition from “intriguing setup for a sexual scenario involving a sex toy or perhaps a friend” to “dear God these poor women need to huddle with domestic animals for warmth because they can’t afford to adequately heat their home.”

Pluggers, 5/19/15

Haha, yes, pluggers still form the strong social community bonds that create the trust necessary for informal financial lending networks like this, but make no mistake: pluggers will also be 100% very much cashing their actual government-issued Social Security checks as soon as they’re available.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/19/15

Herb needs to vacuum the rug because it’s littered with corpses.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/18/15

Dennis usually gets to let loose the menacing bon mots in this feature, but today it’s Henry’s turn to engage in a little light cruelty. “Look at that dumb dog! Doesn’t even know what day it is. Garfield, now there’s a cartoon animal that knows how to read a calendar, by God.”

Mary Worth, 5/18/15

Terry Bryson has decided to hang out with her dangerously obsessed ex, engaging in risky activities like unsupervised balloon rides over jagged mountain peaks and, apparently, riding on roller coasters that have no seat belts or adequate restraint bars. “TAKE ME, DEATH,” she’s basically shouting in panel two, hoping to be torn from the seat by centrifugal force and hurled across the amusement park. I think we’re finally learning that Terry’s sorely missed the adrenaline-soaked thrill ride that police work provided on a daily basis. Teaching dim trophy wives how to avoid phishing scams simply won’t cut it for her any more.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/18/15

You know what’s a cool way to improve your social standing in school? Bring your smirking high-powered lawyer to a meeting at the principal’s office. It’s a power move that other kids respect!

Six Chix, 5/18/15

Why … why is the tooth fairy in the bed of a full-grown woman

DEAR GOD IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO

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Family Circus, 5/17/15

That’s actually a fairly accurate visualization of the new Orion space capsule, Jeffy! I guess all that promotion NASA did on Sesame Street was money well spent. PJ, meanwhile, has the true mind of a child here: a child who has no control over what he eats and has to choke down whatever his parents put in front of him, and who dreams of revenge.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/17/15

Hootin’ Holler may be cut off from the benefits of modern society, such as electricity and running water, but is also insulated from some 21st century ills. “Of course thar’s a lot of news in the newspaper! That’s how it works!!” exclaims Snuffy, blissfully unaware of USA Today, network morning TV news shows, and BuzzFeed listicles.