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Momma, 9/27/14

Today’s Momma is a master class in whiplash, moving from clunky, painfully artificial dialogue clearly meant to set up a joke in the first two panels to gibbering madness in panel three. I guess Momma is doing an exaggerated “hands up” gesture to make it clear she’s responding to Francis’s monetary request neither freely nor cheerfully. But what are we to make of the young men’s dialogue? Francis is only thinking his, and with the darkened bottom of the thought balloon that designates gloom in this strip. “Never mind, Normy,” he muses. “I never wanted you to see this. I didn’t want you to know that this is how things really are in this house.” Normy, meanwhile, similarly troubled, mutters “I dig you…” presumably in reluctant admiration of Francis’s elder-terrifying fundraising techniques.

Mark Trail, 9/27/14

You might think Mark is being awful cold to the obviously smitten Lori, looking at her expressionlessly as she weeps and telling her that he really has nothing to do with her situation and that she should “take care of herself.” But that’s pretty much how he treats his wife, so!

B.C., 9/27/14

Remember when Johnny Hart was alive and B.C. did strips mocking the concept of evolution? I guess you could say that under new management, the strip has … evolved. UGH NO SORRY I EVEN SAID THAT IT WAS TERRIBLE

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What? Another Friday? That means another comment of the week!

“Fear not, Josh. Already Jack’s face is congealing, Terminator-style, back into the form of a standard issue Apartment 3-G suitor, and Carol has developed a case of Peter Pan collar. Soon they will be restored to factory settings, and this story will end.” –pastordan

And some more very funny runners up!

Blondie lacks ‘smart’ dog door tech? Look for upcoming strips about cars without shoulder belts, the hassle of dial telephones, and lawn darts. (That last one doubles as a tearful goodbye to neighbor Herb.)” –Ed Dravecky

“Hanna won’t rely on her daughter to drive around. Emerson inculcated in her a philosophy of self-reliance. I see this one getting meddled off into the woods to live deliberately, or possibly die deliberately, given her advanced age and declining faculties.” –Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses

“The thing I find most intriguing is that ‘Brick Bull’ is referred to as the ‘Bully Bull.’ I mean, his name’s Brick Bull, for God’s sake! Just how badass do you have to make him?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“So, I tried to go to LuannComic.com, to find out about the guest artist, but it just brought me to the GoComics site. Is this some sort of joke? Oh, wait, it’s Luann and it’s not funny — so, yes, probably a joke.” –bbofun

“The jury cat appears terrified. ‘He knows the bull is colorblind! Soon enough, he’s going to tell the jury that cats really can’t see in total darkness, just very dim light! There goes my street cred!'” –hogenmogen

“You’ve heard of ‘Stone Soup?’ Well, ‘Butt Stew’ is pretty much the opposite of that. It does not encourage people to share, I’ll tell you that much.” –Dan

“I feel like there’s some subtle passive-aggressiveness lying just under the surface of this friendly conversation between naturalists. ‘Sure, I bruised my ankle and had to walk through some rough areas, but my love of saving endangered rhinos is what brought me here. What brought you here, Mark? A magazine story you wanted to write? For money? Well, I guess we can’t all be as dedicated to the rhinos as we’d like to be.'” –pugfuggly.

The maps are on the table inside! First we go to the airport; I have a C-5A waiting. They’ll load us up and fly us out. The drop is from 5000 meters over the Al Jaghbub Oasis. I’ve equipped the RV with a large drag chute, so she’ll be drivable when we land. We’ll meet my contacts there and arm their forces. We’ve got 200 FN FALs and about 20 Forty-Nines for the officers. Always go Belgian when you’re arming mercenaries, right? I packed a BRG-15 or two just in case, food and water for 250 for four weeks. Then it’s a straight drive to the northeast and we seize Marsa Matruh, put up our new flag and, just like that, you’re the Emir of Parkerstan! Abby can be the Minster of Defense, Neddy the Finance Minister, and I’ll be the shadowy head of the intelligence services. It’s a real family outing!” –Voshkod

“In the Trail-verse, you’re required to maintain at least one car length between each participant in a conversation. Sure, it’s tough on the vocal cords, having to shout everything in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS constantly, but it’s worth it because the chance of accidental unwanted physical contact is zero.” –Joe Blevins

“Speaking of ponies, it appears the old lady’s bridle is being adjusted.” –jim, some guy in iowa

“Has Ms. Pierpont kept that hippie imprisoned for the last 40 years? Does … does he know what happened to rock music?” –Chyron HR

These artists are amazing! I wouldn’t have thought it possible to convey ‘smugly mugging for canned sitcom laughter’ in such a crude art style, but remarkably, they pulled it off!” –bunivasal

“Why would you do something that gives you enormous pleasure, like eating cookies from a jar on an easily accessible shelf, after an authority figure told you not to? I guess I’ll never understand children.” –BigTed

“Its been forever since Curmudgeon readers have submitted photos reenacting the comics, but I think panel one is perfect. I’m going to go practice swinging a handgun around while someone throws a snake at me. What’s the worst that could happen?” –Chareth Cutestory

‘Pluggerville’? Is that a planned community, or some sort of quarantine complex?’ –C. Sandy Cyst

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Spider-Man, 9/26/14

When we last saw our hero, THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, on this blog, he was he was swinging his way into Doc Ock’s lab. Since then he was immediately captured and subdued with nearly no struggle whatsoever, and, in today’s panel one, has glumly resigned himself to death. But wait! Remember a few weeks ago, when THE AMAZING SPIDER MAN!!! broke into Ox’s jail cell for a little interrogation? Well, it turns out that he did a bad job of fixing the bars he bent to get in, allowing this dangerous, violent criminal to escape! And now said criminal is going to solve our hero’s problems for him and save his life. So, to review: actually attempts at heroism result in failure, while victory is achieved entirely accidentally, thanks to really awful negligence. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!!!!!!!!

The Phantom, 9/26/14

Speaking of continuity strip superheroes and negligence, I’ve been totally negligent in keeping you up to date on the current Phantom storyline! It’s been pretty boring so far, honestly, but today’s strip, in which the Ghost Who Walks vows to ignore the snake venom coursing through his veins in order to heroically plant evidence on someone, is worth pointing out.

Pluggers, 9/26/14

Pluggers are on a lot of pills, you guys. A lot of pills. They also don’t have any friends!