“My daughter is 14 months old. To my mind ‘little stranger’ isn’t quite extreme enough. We love the little alien but — speaking as a man who was just handed a saliva-covered PS3 remote — she’s weirder than anything I’ve ever seen outside of a zoo.” –Victor Von
“‘Didja hear th’ news, Loweezy?’ asks Suzy as she leaves the doctor’s office literally minutes after learning of her own pregnancy. ‘Shore did, Suzy!’ replies Loweezy. ‘Can’t no gubmint-made laws ’bout medical privacy keep down the gossipin’ round here!’ They both laugh.” –logicbutton
“Slylock Fox is the go-to comic if you want to teach your kids how to deconstruct an alibi provided by a wild animal accused of a crime. I really can’t think of any other resource that fills that niche.” –hogenmogen
“The young miss Dingdon has to send her son to the Aging Chair for a while, where he metamorphoses from a rambunctious young lad who loves to play with his blank yellow mannequin and do The Robot at inopportune times to a strapping twenty-year-old who has no interest in the horror movie his gramma has left on, and only enjoys using his iPad electronic device.” –Jack loves comics
“Maybe things are more formal in California, but around here, women who are in Hanna Dingdon’s demographic, with Hanna Dingdon’s hairstyle and lack of assertiveness, very seldom wear suits unless they are headed somewhere really special, and by ‘really special,’ I don’t mean ‘grocery store’ or ‘ophthalmologist.’ Donning a suit for a day of hanging around one’s condo does not happen, is what I’m saying.” –Poteet
“Didn’t Funky have a heart attack last time he tried to run? Like … a few months ago? Well, at least they’re already all wearing black.” –Dan
“An excellent strip for code-talking Congressmen — what they say, and what they mean: ‘Excellent work Mark’ (i.e., ‘GREAT photo op for me!’) ‘Thank you, Congressman Gowdy!’ (‘Thank you, Congressman Greedy!’) ‘If you are planning on going back to Africa soon, perhaps we here in Washington could help organize a conservation effort?’ (‘There’s graft a’plenty for everyone in this deal’) ‘It’s something I would consider if it’s properly funded…’ (‘There better be plenty of butter on my slice of the bread’) ‘…but for now I’m headed home…’ (‘where’s the nearest gay bar?’) ‘…it’s been a while since I’ve seen my family! (‘I need to take a shit after that long flight!’)” –Dennis Jimenez
“Notice that Les proudly sports the number 1, indicating his level of importance in the Lisa’s Legacy run. Funky, meanwhile, has chosen to go with a number that matches the number of years that he’s hated his life and silently longed for death.” –Digger
“Spider-Man feels a certain connection with Ox because they both have the same problem with inanimate objects. ‘Ah, the old Steel Pillar Head Trauma — not as stylish as the Brick to the Back of the Head, but still a classic.'” –Marcus Theory
“Sure, Dennis Mitchell may have lost a little (or a lot) of his menace over the years, but look at what’s happened to Snuffy Smith. This used to be a moonshining, chicken-stealing wild man with an arrest record as long as your arm. And now? Well, now he builds artisanal birdhouses. To which I say: just move to Williamsburg and get it over with, poseur. Next, he’ll start playing the ukulele.” –Joe Blevins
“One way to make sense of the two park-goers is if they have actually been standing there for hours, the giant Sarge-Tunnel fixed in the corner of their eyes, too terrified to look at it head-on and too petrified to flee. Every hour, park vendors (blind and hence safe) offer them food, which they silently purchase as their minds are gradually maddened into pure horrifying Snorkel. Hence the park profits by (as Beetle understates) ‘making the rides scarier.'” –Lenoxus
“And of course, when dressing him this morning — or rather, when she was buying his clothes at Goodwill — his mom decided that putting a big fat zero on Joey’s chest seems just about right. You’re bubkis, Joey. Nada. Everyone who knows you knows that, but you might meet some new people today.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Dennis and Margaret laughed. Joey stared at the ground, remembering his grandfather’s stories of the 1908 Ticklian Massacre in Chucklestan and his promise to never be ashamed of his heritage.” –pugfuggly
“Well, here’s a how-de-do! Mary is obligated to pair all women of marriageable age (i.e., between 14 and whatever Mary is) with suitable mates. But she is also obligated to shame Amy for daring to think her life has a purpose and meaning outside of her little proto-Rusty. Can she reconcile these conflicting objectives? Or will her programming malfunction and short-circuit?” –TheDiva
“This poor kid was fucked from the word ‘Go’. He’s a ginger named Gordon Dingdon, for God’s sake, and apart from his mother and grandmother screaming at each other, the only social stimuli he receives come from a faceless doll and a Cold War era mouse cartoon animated by Joe Giella. ‘Have a good day at school, Gordon! Try not to get the ever living shit beat out of yourself again today!'” –Mikey
“A decent publisher would’ve saved the impotent struggling for a strip that ran on a Monday, but not these heartless ghouls.” –Chareth Cutestory
“NNHHH!!! Marvel Comics Inc. is no fool. This panel was designed for future commercial use, when someone in marketing realized that the generation that started out on Flintstone vitamins is now ready for Spider-Man Metamucil.” –seismic-2
“You know General Halftrack is thinking, ‘Shit, how many times have I told Cookie to label the white phosphorus so he wouldn’t mistake it for table salt again? Just what I need, another trip to the Hague to answer for ‘torture’ and ‘crimes against humanity’. I miss World War II when you could expose ’em to radiation, chemicals, whatever and no one batted an eye. Wait … was I alive for World War II? How old am I supposed to be? Did I age? Is it still World War II? Eh, where’s the fucking scotch.'” –Comrade Dread
“If only there was a way I could crawl straight up, like some sort of insect or something, then I could slip out of these chains around my chest. But that would only work if my body were narrower around the legs then around my torso. I guess I’m doomed.” –grsblvnyk
