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Hi and Lois, 10/18/14

Hi and Lois wraps up its nostalgia week on a particularly grim note. “Remember when you used to be able to yell at people and make them do what you want, instead of just putting a credit card into a machine and seething with ambient, targetless rage?”

Mary Worth, 10/18/14

“Could all of these problems just go away if I just tricked her into marrying this distinguished- and not-too-cadaverous-looking pharmacist? Yes! His glasses aren’t that thick, so he can surely still drive safely! Mary, you’ve done it again!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/18/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because Loweezy’s only context for weaning her baby is her husband’s terrible experience with the DTs! “Yep, this impoverished community is blighted both by widespread alcohol abuse and a lack of education on early childhood development!” thinks the town’s only doctor, as he laughs and laughs.

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Guys, even in Southern California the weather starts to gently cool in October, it turns out! Fortunately the leaves don’t fall off the trees, so I spend as little time thinking about Les Moore’s graphic novel as possible. Anyway, here’s your comment of the week!

“So to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the strip, we see that in 1954 they didn’t know what was on TV because the living room seating was pointed away from the set, and in 2014 they don’t know what is on TV because they don’t own one. Still unclear on the concept, is what I’m saying.” –seismic-2

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Check out Cherry’s foreboding expression; she knows Mark is in the mood for his favorite bedroom game, ‘Where’s the snake in our bed?’ No, that’s not an euphemism for anything.” –ZZalapski

“What I have learned from this Sunday assortment is that there are only two basic types of head-shapes you can have in the Half-iverse, and Harriet got the much-less-popular Model B, which features a distinguishable chin and neck. In her world, does this make her an object of admiration, scorn, pity, envy, morbid curiosity, or erotic fascination? Was there some controversy when she started dating Stanley? (‘It’ll never work, Stan! She’s a chinny, you’re a thumbhead!’) Better Half is more exciting when you think that its protagonists overcame societal prejudice so that they could stare blankly at each other across the breakfast table.” –Joe Blevins

“Doctor Octopus’ lair is on Long Island? Now I know he’s evil. And by ‘evil,’ I really mean ‘Billy Joel.'” –pastordan

“Some of the indie games on Steam are pretty ridiculous, especially the ones that try to emulate boring situations. Watch out, Papers, Please, Gil Thorp is developing Elevator Door: The Video Game.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The good news for Cayla is that the gift of paper has many uses. It can be burned for warmth, or it can be used to wipe her ass.” –Digger

“Okay, Cayla means so little to Les that he forgot their first goddamn anniversary, but she has outmaneuvered him this year, drawing him to her with Westview Sexy Role Playing: Hospital Patient/Soon-To-Be-Widower. She lies propped up in a single bed (she was recently seen crawling into a queen size, but this one is viewed from two angles to show it can hold only one), with her family gathered around, there for her until she slips away like the delightful Last Leaf of the year. Les is in his usual walkin’-around-town-garb of a turtleneck, cardigan and plaid pants. Their daughters didn’t dress up for it, but they are there to mourn: if there were going to be any actual sex in this sex game this would be perverse, but don’t worry, there won’t.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Hi and Lois pine for the golden days of yore, when they were allowed to have bonding time, people still thought smoking was good for you, and they had no children.” –Jack loves comics

“This means Twitter is dead now, right? Which strip will be the first to acknowledge (and therefore signal the end of) Snapchat? Will it be Luann? It’s going to be Luann, isn’t it?” –Marcus Theory

“Here’s what will happen in Momma: Francis attempts to ask a question, but the Westminster system prohibits asking questions directly and there is no speaker to address them to. Frustrated, Francis calls vote of no confidence, which passes 3-1, but as there is no monarch or governor-general, nor any constitution (partially written or completely unwritten as in the UK) the Hobbes household dissolves into civil war. I anticipate Momma’s decapitation in tomorrow’s strip.” –Ashdown

“‘Westview Teacher Bludgeoned By Ersatz Asian Clock — Body Found Wrapped In Cheap Kimono.’ ‘The headline was grotesque and profane – even for Westview. Yet it was somehow poetic and beautiful to my eyes.’ So begins Chapter One of Les’ Story by Cayla Williams Moore.” –SgtSaunders

“The lazy angel on Spidey’s shoulder won out over the dickish, treacherous one. You go to war with the conscience you have.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘Ughhh … I’m really dragging today.’ ‘You should try drugs! They’re incredible!’ –DARE video #249A” –Chyron HR

“Give him credit, Doc Ock has been totally committed to this facade of respectability. Not a bubbling test tube or sinister plan schematic in sight — just an IKEA couch and a plant over by the window. Mary Worth has a more frightening lair, if only because Mary Worth is in it.” –TheDiva

“Once they hear Les Moore’s puns, the Chinese will open a special labored camp for him.” –Droopy Says

“Never actually tried skating on a cloud, but I’d imagine it would involve screaming futilely as you plummet to your death.” –Pozzo

“I really hope The Last Leaf is a collection of Love Is-style comics. ‘Love is … realizing you need someone to do your laundry.’ ‘Love is … forgiving your second wife for not being your first wife.’ ‘Love is … fucking your second wife while you envision the spectral form of your first wife watching you. Always. Watching.'” –Voyage of the Oversnark

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/17/14

So, yeah, it’s been all week and I still haven’t gotten over this “Les bowls Cayla over by writing a comic book about how she rescued him from the pits of despair when his first, more important wife died” plot twist. To make it even better, he’ll be flying her to Hong Kong so they can watch it get spat out of an industrial-sized laser printer at whatever low-bid printing company he picked that will just build a book out of any PDF you send them, which means the whole trip will be blessedly tax deductible. This obviously merits some tongue-kissing, and much as I rag on this strip, I have to say that Summer’s expression of mingled shock and disgust is perfectly rendered. She stands in for all of us.

Six Chix, 10/17/14

You kids today, always taking pictures of each other with your cell phones for the instagrams and so forth! Enjoy your youth now, but know that the icy finger of death is always, always just inches away from your tender skin. That’s … that’s the message in this nationally syndicated cartoon today, I guess?

Pluggers, 10/17/14

Oh, sure, laugh at this plugger dog-man taking his date to a fast food restaurant if you must, but at least he’s moved a step or two up the food chain!