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Panels from Slylock Fox, 10/26/14

Today’s Slylock Fox Six Differences puzzle takes place in that awkward period after the animals achieved sapience but before they had truly taken over the Earth. Our grumpy park ranger’s face may bear the scowl of prejudice, but his cause is legit: if this bear can now think and reason like humans, shouldn’t he be subject to the same law? Eventually the animals would develop their own cargo cult legal system in response to these issues, but at this moment, I assume that, despite his newfound intellectual powers, the bear here is still more than happy to meet aggression animal-style, with his claws.

Dennis the Menace, 10/26/14

At last, Dennis the Menace has shattered the unspoken rule that all characters in the daily comics must be gentiles! We learn a valuable lesson here today: that little Jewish children and little Christian children can be friends, so long as neither of them understands any of the theology behind their various holidays and just think of them as “that thing we celebrate in [insert season here],” and also agree to come together at the end of October to worship Satan. (Side note: I’m going to accept as canon the clear implication in today’s throwaway panels that Margaret is a well-known anti-Semite.)

Mary Worth, 10/26/14

There are lots of good reasons to wish that Frank Zappa was still alive, and somewhere on that list is my desire to see what he’d think about having a quote almost certainly incorrectly attributed to him used to try to bully an old woman in Mary Worth into an assisted living facility.

Six Chix, 10/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because the scalpel blades are breaking off still embedded in the patient’s flesh! There’s so much blood! So much hilarious, hilarious blood!

Momma, 10/26/14

Tina had sometimes resented the fact that her rift with her mother-in-law meant that she and Thomas didn’t get invited to many family gatherings with his brother and sister. But then, she reflected, if she had been at the house that day, she would’ve been mauled to death by the cold, thirsty bear-dog-things, just like the rest of Thomas’s family.

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Beetle Bailey, 10/25/14

Not sure what denomination Chaplain Staneglass is supposed to be, but mainstream Christian theology has had a ready answer to this one since at least Aquinas and probably Augustine. The short version is that God is eternal and exists outside of time as we understand it — indeed, the linear progression of time, including the concept of cause and effect, is part of His creation, so it doesn’t really make sense to talk about Him being created by anyone or anything. You can find this logic varying degrees of satisfying based on your own personal beliefs, but the idea that a clergyman would respond to a sincere question about it with “WELP ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” makes me a little depressed about the quality of ministry available to our soldiers and/or cartoonists, and I’m an atheist.

Six Chix, 10/25/14

You can see this as a cartoon about a dad being a sullen dick about doing a joint Halloween costume with his daughter, but I prefer to interpret it as a clever little girl doing the best she can to work with the requirements of an unusual court order.

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Hey guys! I know I always mention at the bottom of the COTW that you can buy ads on this site, but I thought I’d tell you up top that I’ve tweaked the advertising page to make it easier to buy ads in more slots. So if you’re interested, check it out, won’t you?

And now: your comment of the week!

“Why are there always random woodland creatures in every third Mark Trail panel, loitering outside Mark’s house where the ‘action’ is taking place? I like to think it’s because Mark is a Disney princess and they follow him wherever he goes, sometimes breaking into song. It’s either that or Mark left his garbage uncovered.” –Jack loves comics

And the very hilarious runners up!

“‘OH MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO HELP OUT MY ELDERLY FRIEND WHO HAS TROUBLE CARING FOR HERSELF?’ ‘HI MARY? REMEMBER ME? I JUST MOVED INTO THAT CARE FACILITY THAT TAKES CARE OF ALL THE NEEDS THAT I CAN’T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!’ ‘HMMMM…’ [cue billboard-sized thought balloon of Hanna Dingdon]” –pugfuggly

“Well if it isn’t my friend, Felicia Deus Ex Machina!” –Wool Worth

“The Great Dismal Swamp sounds like an awesome place for Rusty to get mired in quicksand or tar or leaking oil from a fracking operation gone bad.” –Mikey

“I guess some forethought might have been in order, but since you are Parkers, just pull into someone’s front yard and make yourself at home. What’s the worst that could happen? You don’t get thanked enough?” –Kevin on Earth

“We never have to speak of him again. Because we haven’t spoken of him in about 20 months though he inexplicably firebombed my apartment. You’d think something like that would merit conversation, but anyway, since you’re at my agency, what kind of plotline do you think you might be interested in? We have ‘Inexplicable Quickie’, ‘Fade-Out’, ‘Traditional Boring’ and my new personal fave, ‘Meandering Nonsense’. No need to choose now, please take as many panels as you need. In fact, when you decide, make sure you end with ‘I’ve made a decision! I think I’ll take –!'” –Hogenmogen

“‘Ready for some normal police work?’ ‘You bet, Sam!’ ‘Hunting down a perp who’s been given plastic surgery work to look like a movie monster is normal, right?’ ‘I don’t even know any more, Sam!'” –Enlong

“Oh, Henrietta remembers. She remembers the exact moment that Shelia Roo gave her that OMELET recipe! It was the week before little Joey was found pecked to death.” –Arabella

“Say what you will about Hootin’ Holler’s education system, at least they still pass on the proper etiquette of extending your pinky finger when holding a rifle.” –Guts Dozier

“Snuffy and Lukey are made of some strong stuff. If I found an artistically aggressive yet disturbingly non-specific circus poster nailed with a railroad spike to a tree deep in the forest, I’d probably regress to a preverbal state out of sheer terror.” –Joe Blevins

“I’ve never been able to figure out how Mary Worth’s hairdo actually works. Do all the hairs, including the ones that start on the back of her neck, meet together at some appointed place on the back of her head?” –Poteet

“I just didn’t need to see a flesh-colored plugger with flesh-colored hair this morning, is all I’m saying.” –Esther Blodgett

“I like to imagine that Mark and Bill Ellis are screaming into large blocks of chocolate. At least their conversation makes more sense that way.” –Lawyerbob

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