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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/28/25

Well, I guess Truck’s not-son Cody did in fact come out ahead of beloved (?) tween neo-vaudeville novelty act “Shorty and the Beanpole,” because not only did he score an invite to Truck’s wedding but he was also allowed and/or required to perform. Obviously he was only paid in “exposure” and “the chance that he might feel the slightest amount of paternal affection for once in his life,” but now it’s all worked out … for him, anyway. Too bad about his band, but the lucrative world of younger people doing covers of country classics doesn’t have room for anything more than the one guy and one guitar that the nostalgics crave.

Mary Worth, 9/28/25

It’s only appropriate that in Mary Worth, interspecies psychic communication takes the form of a human projecting their own floating head into an animal’s mind, though I have to say that Greta and Max’s expressions look less like “We are receiving a message from our friend” and more like Olive has simply overridden their consciousness and will take control of their zombie-like bodies, for rescue purposes. Funnier to me, though, is Mary fretting “what if they forgot about us?” Like, as I age, I definitely have learned more and more that the people “in charge” in any given situation are just folks like me and often have things less in hand than I assumed all adults did as a kid, but I do sincerely believe that the people running a hot air balloon festival would in fact notice if one or more of the balloons went missing. Surely somebody involved has, like, a clipboard, right? A clipboard with a list of balloons on it?

Pickles, 9/28/25

It’s true, Grandpa Pickles walking into an oil change place and thinking it’s his optometrist’s office, which is almost certainly in an entirely different location, is not necessarily a sign that his vision is failing. He should probably take a comprehensive cognitive functions test, however.

Crankshaft, 9/28/25

This one … this one seems even more serious, to be honest. But Crankshaft is pretty sanguine about it. Let’s just take all these pills at random times and let the miracle of the human body take its course. See what happens. He’ll be behind the wheel of a schoolbus full of children when it all goes down, by the way.

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Judge Parker, 9/27/25

Look, we’re all young and hip here [laughs nervously], but the truth is that the soap opera strips are a very traditional medium and it’s fine when they rely on very traditional visual tropes. For instance, “This guy is having a hard time and we need an efficient way to convey that visually. How about we just have him pour himself a big honkin’ glass of brown liquor, in mid-conversation? We’ve got two panels and I think that’ll do it.”

Mary Worth, 9/27/25

Oh, it turns out Mary and Olive and Stanley crashed outside of cell phone range, actually, but fortunately Olive’s psychic powers aren’t constrained by physical distance. So she’s going to use them to summon Max and Greta to her aid, and, look, I fully endorse the overall Mary Worth message that dogs are good, but, like, climbing trees isn’t exactly one of their strengths, right? Shouldn’t she have befriended Estelle and Ed’s cats instead?

The Lockhorns, 9/27/25

Guys, I don’t know how much more obvious they can make it: THE LOCKHORNS. ARE. MILLENNIALS.

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We’re officially in autumn now, folks, so take a big swig of that pumpkin spice latte [note to intern: find more up-to-date seasonal joke here, maybe find out what the kids on TikTok like] and enjoy this week’s top comment!

“No. No. This is intolerable. Rhino-Man can be drawn in a way that makes him look like the only hairs he has are twelve on his head, but you just wanted to show naked Bear-Plugger. You will not be written in the Book of Life!” –matt w

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Love the sour look on the guy trying to convince Henry to work from home. ‘God, what’ll it take to get rid of this schmo!?’ he thinks.” –Hibbleton

“The Hotel Bingham is just not even trying with its logo. ‘Yeah, yeah, lower-case Arial. That’s good enough for the meatbags who stay here.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m impressed by Dick Tracy’s technical prowess here. Unlike most people his age, he’s noticed that Google no longer returns useful results. If he searched for her there, he’d get a dubious AI summary above several ads offering to sell ‘New and Used LaKoyles.’ Instead, he goes straight to a reliable source: The Neo-Chicago Daily, whose business model is based on chronicling local crimes and the reasons why police would be justified against any particular citizen.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“There have been a confusing amount of ‘red lines’ mentioned in reporting on climate science that supposedly indicate when we’ve crossed the critical threshold. But I have to say ‘Mary Worth faces death by climatic instability in a hot air balloon while hosting a narcissistic child’ is certainly a sign we’ve lost the fight and must prepare for centuries of disruption.” –Philip

“That’s not the bathroom mirror. That’s Crankshaft’s Dorian Gray portrait, but his soul is so vile and repugnant that it’s only able to take on about half of the physical effects.” –TheDiva

“‘You be sure to have some cake now’ is going to be my new favorite phrase for patronizing dismissal.” –pugfuggly

“Gosh, I hope the poor, innocent trees don’t suffer any serious damage.” –Bob Tice

“The other balloonivators landed when the ground crews radioed the warning about the approaching front. Unfortunately, Stanley didn’t hear it, because he’d turned off his hearing aid after fifteen minutes of listening to Olive and Mary’s inane chatter.” –Ken

“Oh, come on! You can plainly see there’s no other headstones nearby, of course this gentleman got a big enough plot, that’s not the problem here. It’s the lack of plot holes, just the way any novelist would want it.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The flag in Gearhead Gertie today was a great move; really clarified everything. That had, truly, been the great question on my mind all along, and now I know.” –A Grave Mind

“I’m almost as shocked by this strip’s implications as the wide-eyed kids it’s depicting are! They’ve never met their step-dad before today? They didn’t even attend the wedding? And Steppy McStep-Step there is apparently part of their EMPTY PINK VOID of a house?’ –Victor Von

“Which of the following is most representative of the current state of Beetle Bailey: (a) Only now discovering the 30 year old concept of ‘casual Friday,’ now that workplaces have commonly gone to ‘business casual’ as a default; or (b) thinking that the concept of ‘casual Friday’ could apply to on-duty members of the United States Army?” –Rube

“It’s casual Friday because Gen. Halftrack isn’t there, having been called to Quantico for the all-generals meeting, where he’ll be elevated to the Joint Chiefs. Or maybe executed. The real story is that somebody high up remembered that Camp Swampy still exists.” –Tom T.

“The Smifs hit a new low of hillbilly stereotype by being reduced to eating literal roadkill for dinner. They attempt to take their minds off this depressing horror with jokes. Unfortunately, their writer wouldn’t know a joke if it kicked him in the nuts, so their torment simply persists eternally. Sad!” –ectojazzmage

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