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Family Circus, 3/23/13

You know that I don’t usually wish good things for the Keane Kids, but my heart does go out to them a little bit here, imagining them paging through book after book with gritty, morally complex endings in which love fails to conquer all, good doesn’t triumph over evil, and ambiguous characters try and fail to grapple with a world they never made. But still, PJ and Jeffy look insufferably smug as they prepare themselves for the sweet, sweet fairy tale action they have coming to them. “Aw, yeah, in this book the attractive and virtuous are going to defeat the hell out of their ugly enemies, who are cruel to them for reasons that are never fully examined! Can’t wait for the wedding at the end, heteronormativity rules!”

Wizard of Id, 3/23/13

Huh, I guess I’m not surprised exactly that the Wizard of Id is the first newspaper comic strip to depict an actual steaming turd, but it wouldn’t have been my first guess. (First guess: Marvin, obviously.)

Mary Worth, 3/23/13

“Enough of this coy literary flirting! Are you two going to fuck or what?”

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Ladies aaaaaand gentlemen: your COMMENT! OF! THE! WEEK!

“Oh god, the horror! Curtis is clearly two almost totally unrelated jokes, hamfistedly sewn together by some demented serial killer. Look, you can see the seam between the punchline and the premise! Truly a grisly, grisly spectacle.” –bunivasal

And the very amusing runners up!

“I can’t wait to see what convoluted plan Mark will come up with; I’m pretty sure it won’t be anything like, ‘Say, when we see Rod Bassy’s van, let’s go take Rusty out of it.'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I can even print up a diploma for job interviews! It’s 1995, after all, and home word processing technology has finally really arrived.” –Noah

“Sergeant Captain Major Francis Gary Powers, US Army Air Force Central Intelligence Agency, shot down over the Ural Mountains during the Vietnam War in 2008. We must update Wikipedia.” –seismic-2

“‘Young lady, are you OK?’ is quite possibly the dumbest line of dialogue I’ve ever seen. SHE’S CRYING IN FRONT OF A GRAVE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?” –Inkwell

“Roy Lichtenstein disgusted the Pop Art world today with Suddenly, Tears Come (Sob Sob Sob . . . Young Lady Are You Okay). ‘It’s neither a remake nor a parody. It says nothing rather than being a statement about saying nothing. There’s none of the play with perspective that made him famous. It has no humor, no disciplined brushstrokes or comic-strip dots,’ said Ben Day of the Journal of Interior Semiotics outside the Stack’s Bowers auction on Friday.” –Daniel

“May I just say that I adore the sheer enthusiasm in that trout’s face in panel two? ‘OMG IT’S A FLY AND I’M GOING TO EAT IT AND THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!'” –Drewbear

“‘Is he your husband?’ ‘Well, no. Not since he died!'” –Chip

“I could tell that your heart’s rhythms are the same as Spider-Man’s … really, really slow. Dangerously slow, in fact. You spend a lot of time on the couch, don’t you? And it wouldn’t hurt to cut down on the junk food either. You smell like a giant Cheeto.” –damanoid

“I can hear the beating of your heart, your juicy delicious heart. What? Oh nothing, forget I said anything. Now let’s get into the cramped cameraless elevator together.” –Holly Folly

“Visibly uncomfortable, Tom tries to break the tension by turning to Mary and conversationally inquiring ‘So, Mary, what the fuck are we eating, anyway?'” –Violet

“Please honey, stop undressing so sexily, it’s distracting. I’m up to 5 habits already and I want to be highly effective by tomorrow.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/22/13

“Hello, everybody, we’re the creative team behind Rex Morgan, M.D.! We know that you enjoy exciting tales of adventure and the medical profession, and that you also like hot bodies in various stages of undress. We made you a promise — that the attractive characters in our feature would occasionally strip down to their underwear — and we aim to keep that promise. Every five years or so counts as ‘occasionally,’ right? We’re working our way up to full frontal nudity, which should get the syndicate OK sometime’s in the mid 2200s.”

Heathcliff, 3/22/13

I wouldn’t worry too much about photobombing, officer; Heathcliff will not be visible at all in this picture, seeing as the camera is pointed directly at the suspect’s crotch. This is a very particular kind of mug shot for a very specific audience.

Mark Trail, 3/22/13

“In the meantime, let’s enjoy a big, hearty bowl of orange mush in Rusty’s honor. Mush was all we ever allowed Rusty to eat, and orange was his favorite mush color. He would’ve wanted it this way! Er, does want it this way, I should say, he’s probably still alive. At least we’re all hoping that he is! Yeah, that’s it, hoping.”

Hi and Lois, 3/22/13

“Or to late March, which is when this comic strip will be published!”