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Panels from Better Half, 11/17/13

Here are two panels from the selection in today’s Better Half! In the first, Stanley imagines a transhumanist future, in which he and Harriet will upload themselves to the network and become creatures of pure intellect, beyond the reach of governments and able to mold their own reality with sheer force of will. In the second, I’m pretty sure that Harriet is actually talking about cunnilingus.

Crankshaft, 11/17/13

Also, in Crankshaft, a child murdered a bus driver? I guess? Ha ha, Crankshaft thought it was a metaphor, but nope, just one of his coworkers being stone cold crushed to death under a bus.

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Apartment 3-G, 11/16/13

“Look, Lu Ann, I already tried to strong-arm you into agreeing to marry me by proposing in front of hundreds of people. How much more do I need to spell out for you? Are you going to finally acknowledge that I’m a manipulative sociopath or what?”

Wizard of Id, 11/16/13

Have you ever wanted to see a comic strip featuring a steaming, half-digested sheep carcass? Then today’s Wizard of Id is for you, my friend!

Mark Trail, 11/16/13

OH GOD HE HAS BEEN BITTEN HE HAS THE MELTING SICKNESS UNCLEAN UNCLEAN UNCLEAN

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A very brief note to you, pre-COTW, that I am doing three standup shows in the Baltimore area in the next eight days, including one tomorrow. Here are the relavent details! And now, without further ado, your comment of the week:

“Mark seems really excited about the arrival of black flies tomorrow. I think maybe he has a different definition of ‘fly fishing’ than the rest of us. ‘Ha Ha! I caught another one! This tiny fishing pole sure works great!'” –Brad

And your very funny runners up!

“Shelly’s shout-out elicits only a 3 out of 10 on the Meddlegasm scale: small no-teeth smile, no nimbus, no upraised index finger.” –Baka Gaijin

“WHAT does that quote beginning Mary Worth’s strip MEAN? Does silence GLOW? And if so, is it easily confused with other glows? Does silence only glow when awake? Why would awakening silence be a GOOD THING? I don’t understand ANY OF THIS. From now on, I’m going to just throw a bunch of words together and hope one catches on and is someday put into a comic strip red by NOBODY, unless ironically. Here’s a few: ‘From far away, one can barely discern the truth of a lack of knowledge.’ ‘Leaves fall to the ground, but do they fall upwards?’ ‘In space, kittens.'” –Briane Pagel

“They’re not at the Waldorf-Astoria, they’re at the ‘Waldorf Astoria.’ It’s probably a transient hotel called the Waldorf that happens to be in Astoria, Queens. I’m thinking they got the sign and the ceiling about right.” –CaroZ

MT: “These guys do know that arrowheads are no longer generally accepted as currency, right?” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“Coming soon on Hal Wallis: Real World Lawyer: Hal overplays his hand in the negotiation, takes 3 months to nail down the wording on the college fund clause, and the publisher walks. Hal bills the Morgans $15,000 for their trouble.” –lorne

“You said it Lukey, nothing makes me feel more young an’ strong an’ fearless than puttin’ on my belt of human toes. I wish it was socially acceptable to wear our war trophies more often.” –Hal Mars

“It’s a little late to be starting Sarah’s college fund, isn’t it? I guess the Morgans figure that just when her tuition to one of the major Ivies is due, they’ll suddenly receive a windfall of the exact amount. ‘Why, this World Economies paper of Sarah’s is exactly what we need to fix the national debt! We’ll need six copies; here’s $217,000 for your trouble.'” –BigTed

“Look, Blondie, Paula Deen was no longer available, so just cook us our goddamn yams, all right?” –Anonymous

“The spirit of Walter Matthau materialized in panel two to safeguard Blondie’s zinger and ensure that it was a Grandpa Level Comedy success.” –Chareth Cutestory

“That dress is a thing of wonder – not only does it actually have distinguishing lines and show some skin, but it’s not a hideously undefined shade of pink and/or beige. It fits in so poorly with the A3G aesthetic, it’s literally trying to throttle Lu Ann to death so it can escape.” –The Ben

“Blondie is going to be very upset when she gets paid in Confederate Dollars for this event.” –Doug Wykstra

“‘Maybe you don’t have to.’ [picks up book] ‘STOP!’ [smack] ‘WRITING’ [smack] ‘DEPRESSING’ [smack] ‘SHIT!'” –pugfuggly

“Question: is Lu Ann’s hollow skull in actuality a jingly cat toy?” –Doctor Handsome

“Absolutely, the middle panel is where the action is … right between ‘We’re probably screwed’ and ‘We are screwed!’ comes that moment of reading the title page of the superintendent’s report: Riverdale High Worthless: Close And Burn Building Immediately, File Lawsuit Against Weatherbee, followed by a random string of cuss words.” –Dr Mabuse

“‘I’m prepared,’ said Doc as he stared into the distance, his eyes not seeing, looking inward rather than at the vast expanse of wilderness before him. ‘You might say this is what I’ve been preparing for my whole life. Every breath, every heartbeat, has brought us to this exact…’ The buzz of tiny wings began to crescendo. ‘Moment.'” –Greg

“I don’t read this strip regularly so I’m wondering why Dick is being interviewed by a waitress from a truck stop in outer space. Is this required to get space coffee?” –aphthakid

“Hey kids! Here’s a tip from Mark Trail: When your hands are so riddled with bug bites that you can’t even scratch yourself without doubling the agony, try grabbing a copper kettle from a roaring bonfire with your bare hands. It’ll burn the sores right off!” –Guts Dozier

“And in the missing fourth panel, smirky Les pulls out a red pen and corrects Lisa’s grammar.” –Lumaca Morente

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