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Momma, 6/23/13

One of my favorite/least unfavorite Momma bits is Momma’s recurring nightmare that she and/or her children in some combination will be reduced to panhandling, due to her children’s shiftlessness and incompetence. I enjoy these installments because they’re about her constant mid-level anxiety that she and her family are trembling at the boundary of middle-class respectability and could be pushed out into the abyss at any moment, but the actual “jokes” of the strips generally take the form of weird passive-aggressive wordplay on signs that the Hobbes-hobos are displaying for the benefit of passers by. Today was actually the first time I noticed that these signs aren’t makeshift cardboard placards propped up in front of them but actually attached to the wall, which implies both a certain resourcefulness and collusion with the building owner. Come to us when can’t even afford thumbtacks, Momma! Then we’ll know you hit rock bottom.

Panel from Mary Worth, 6/23/13

Haha, look how startled Tom looks by this demand. “But that … that’s kind of my thing! It’s my trademark relationship move!”

Mark Trail, 6/23/13

“How are we going to get the kids interesting in birdwatching? Breakdancing? Do the kids still like breakdancing? Should we tell them that birds breakdance?”

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Better Half, 6/22/13

There’s something about Stanley and Harriet’s affectless naivety that just kind of breaks my heart. Like, if Leroy Lockhorn said this, it would be an extremely sarcastic response to a failed attempt by Loretta to get him to eat better, and would also have nothing to do with the actual amount of potato chips he ate. Whereas I picture Stanley imagining that Harriet will find this hilarious, and also carefully counting all the potato chips he ate over a two-day period in order to make sure the joke was also accurate.

Crankshaft, 6/22/13

Sorry everybody if I got you super excited Monday about Crankshaft gracing us with some New York-themed puns. It turns out we had to sit through a whole week of Crankshaft being an asshole to everyone who works at the airport first. Look, in panel three we can see two people hating him at once!

Mary Worth, 6/22/13

Haha, thanks, Tom, I will very much be seeing that grossly exaggerated wink in my nightmares tonight! Still, worse will come when I awake, because then I’ll be unable to stop trying to figure out the precise combination of sexual acts “I was in the mood for meat … but seafood sounds really great, too!” is a metaphor for.

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Are you emotionally prepared for your comment of the week?

“I see Quill and Luann as the Romeo and Juliet for the 2010s, in that I hope they’re each dead by their own hand through a pointless series of miscues abetted by the adults they trusted most.” –Ed Dravecky

And for your hilarious runners up>

“Daredevil lives a great bachelor life here in San Fran. But I’ve got MJ waiting for meat home — the house made out of premium cuts of beef I promised her! I’d better start building it before the meats spoil.” –CleverNameIsaac

JP: “I can’t wait for the inevitable cruise ship mechanical failure. Wait until Judge Pissyface has to poop in a bag!” — Ned Ryerson

“No half hearted pun. No tired half-smirk. Pam is just powering through this interaction, dead eyes focused on the middle distance. Best Crankshaft ever!” –Bunivasal

“We warned you. We warned you that if you let women into the military, the male soldiers would start dating combat drones. It’s your own damn fault.” –Voshkod

“The creepiest thing about Spider-Man today is that his mask is staring at his ass in panel two. His sweet, sweet spider-ass.” –Pozzo

“‘Wifely prayers.’ Or as some people refer to them, divorce papers.” –WeatherServo9

“Throws it away, or delivers a crushing KNEE to the FACE of the opposing team?! Happy Hunger Games, Milford.” –Science Giant

“The first rule of the Shoe universe is that no one must ever acknowledge that everyone is a bird. Frito has spoken the Terrible Truth! Heretic! Heretic! As a journalist, Shoe knows all too well the grisly fate that the Thought Police shall inflict upon poor Frito.” –Guts Dozier

“‘Jose! How goes the revolution?’ ‘Oh, it’s going great. The streets of the capital are running red with the blood of the oppressors. I think we’ll be in power by late July, August, somewhere in there.'” –Dono

“Sarah is just mesmerized by Business McBusinessman’s combover. Children should not be exposed to such things.” –Lawyerbob

“I guarantee you this is by a wide margin the most emotional anyone has ever gotten about Book Day.” –Doctor Handsome

“I suppose you would like to get paid for your book? Well, sorry, we don’t do that. But our publishing your book will help you build your brand! Are you active on social media?” –cheech wizard

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