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Gasoline Alley, 2/12/24

Good (?) news, everybody: Slim didn’t freeze to death in his car, and it turns out that the supposed “love note” his wife found was from his granddaughter, so everything’s fine! Or … is it? The newspaper and TV are telling them something unbelievable. Probably something about how the martyred Abraham Lincoln’s memory is being used to promote a sale on sofa beds or Toyotas or something, as panel two hints.

Family Circus, 2/12/24

A friend of mine had a kid who used to just describe strangers to them in public, e.g., “You’re bald,” “You’re short,” etc., and when my friend told her she couldn’t do that because it was rude, she just started looking people in the eye and saying “I’m not allowed to name you.” Anyway, most of the darnedest thing saying in the Family Circus is pretty stupid, but “you have a beard but you just have a face” is the sort of genuinely off-putting thing a child Jeffy’s age might actually say and I frankly think this strip should do more like it.

Shoe, 2/12/24

It’s good to see the Perfesser has finally realized he doesn’t have any loved ones, not Skyler or anyone else, who care enough about him to plan or pay for his funeral, so if he doesn’t want to just get dumped in the river, he’s got to put something together himself. Will tacos be enough to get his various vague acquaintances, like Roz and the guy who fixes his car, to show up? Only one way to find out, though I guess he’ll never really know for sure.

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Crock, 2/11/24

You know, some days I open up the ol’ comics in my newspaper web browser and think, “After all these years on this blog, do I truly have anything new to say?” But then I realize that Crock contains one of the many Crockian elements that annoy me — the tendency to generically call all the enlisted men under Crock’s command “trooper” — and I finally take the initiative go look up the names of the ranks in the French Foreign Legion and discover that, in fact, their equivalent of a private is given the rank of “légionnaire.” Why wouldn’t they be calling them this in this strip? You’re the only newspaper comic strip set in the French Foreign Legion, please lean into it! Why else do you think people are even reading you? Trust me, it’s not for the jokes.

Six Chix, 2/11/24

“Wait, why is this guy green?” you’re probably asking, like a simpleton. Uh, hello? Some sicko in San Francisco just removed his head from his neck, and then removed his neck entirely, and then affixed his head directly to his shoulders? My dude definitely died during that process, which is why, just like the classic Universal Pictures design of Frankenstein’s Monster, he’s green, because that’s what color a shambling collection of rotting corpse parts is. Can’t believe I still have to explain this to you people.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 2/11/24

Something extremely sinister is happening in the throwaway panels of Beetle Bailey. “I’m so close to convincing the platoon that the world is slowly dying and the only solution is mass suicide. Hopefully they won’t notice — ah, damn it! Curse Zero’s eternal optimism and functioning clock!”

Dick Tracy, 2/11/24

Aw, looks like Sam’s gone back to visit his old popski at the family diner. And just in time to keep his dad from poisoning yet another one of his customers!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/11/24

“I never could’ve imagined this outcome. It’s wild, huh? Surprises? Arbitrary revelations for which no groundwork has been laid? This is what people enjoy in narrative, right? They find this satisfying?”

Mary Worth, 2/11/24

Oh, no! Sonia isn’t Keith’s daughter after all! Who could’ve possibly predicted? Oh, right, all of us. Obviously what’s going to happen is that Keith isn’t going to tell anybody this and will just continue to treat Sonia as the daughter he never knew because That’s What A Hero He Is, but I think it would be very funny if today’s quote is a hint that his emotional devastation is going to lead to a mescaline binge.

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Mary Worth, 2/10/24

While we’ve heard a lot about how Keith is a good romantic partner and putting in the work as a father figure, we haven’t actually seen a lot of evidence supporting those assertions, and plenty of contradictory evidence, frankly. But today, we learn that he really has stepped up, in that he appears to have kept Kitty and Sonia entirely unaware of Mary Worth’s existence; he just refers to her elliptically as “my neighbor,” which tells me that he has not been singing her praises unprompted whenever an opportunity arises. Using his massive bulk to shield his newfound love ones from Mary’s meddling gaze … truly the greatest act of heroism I’ve seen in this strip.

Gil Thorp, 2/10/24

Hey, remember when that coach with a perm got beat up by one of his own students? Well, he, uh, he’s got PTSD now. So much so that he finds Gil intimidating! It’s sad, really.

Beetle Bailey, 2/10/24

You can just say Taylor Swift, Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC! I know your median reader is 78 years old, but I promise you, you can just say Taylor Swift.