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Herb and Jamaal, 2/3/13

Boy, this Herb and Jamaal sure was an emotional roller coaster! See, we’re expected to believe that Jamaal is a desperate drug addict who keeps going back to his filthy hippie drug dealer to buy dope. But, haha, don’t worry, it appears that he just enjoys video entertainment and would prefer to go to one of America’s few remaining video stores rather than figuring out how to set up one of these new-fangled internet streaming services! Anyway, since the strip spent seven panels setting up this commercial transaction as surreptitious and shameful, obviously the first thing the reader thinks of in terms of “video titles” is pornography, which makes a reference to the “kiddie section” all the more traumatizing.

Momma, 2/3/13

The thing about the Funkyverse’s endless cavalcade of sadness porn is that the strip is at least self-aware about how grim it is. Momma, by contrast, completely fails to notice the air of desperation that surrounds its characters at all times. Which is to say that the use of “betrays” here creeps me out. Momma is betrayed by her children routinely, of course … but now her own failing body joins the party.

Marvin, 2/3/13

Marvin does this thing where it teases you with the prospect of the title character wandering off in the snow and freezing to death, but, sadly, never really follows through with it.

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Mark Trail, 2/2/13

Usually Mark Trail flashback fashion takes us to the depths of the Eisenhower administration, which is why I am 100% amazed and flabbergasted (in a good way) by “Catfish” here. Now, none of us like to stereotype, but admit it: you probably imagined Catfish would be would be an angry, beefy guy with a mullet or perhaps a chubby fellow with a big white beard; either way, he’d be wearing overalls, obviously. BUT NO! No, Catfish is a bald sprite of a man who went back in time to 1987 and stole a sweet Ocean Pacific t-shirt out of my bedroom. He is such an odd bird in the sartorial world of Mark Trail that I am pretty much willing to forgive whatever crimes against competitive fishing ethics are going on in that van.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/2/13

Meanwhile, today’s unannounced “Classic Herb and Jamaal” is a repeat from barely two years ago! Although maybe even that appearance was itself a repeat from back when someone might have actually said “online talk rooms” and believed himself a vaguely with-it human being.

Archie, 2/2/13

I’m going to pass over the ostensible action of this strip — is Mr. Lodge’s “antique doo-dad” the table itself? How does one break a table? Wouldn’t even gluing a broken table-chunk back onto the table leave a visible seam? Does Jughead not know the world “table”? — and just point out that Archie really can pull off those skinny plaid yellow pants, though pairing them with the baggy sea-foam sweater is a bit suspect.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/2/13

Oh hi there, would you like a little secret illegitimate daughter in your grueling stroke recovery storyline?

Family Circus, 2/2/13

I genuinely love how unimpressed Jeffy is by Dolly’s dramatic theological musings. “I don’t know much about celestial courtesy, girl, all I know is that I just ran out of clean tissues and your shirt looks awfully inviting.”

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You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities? Today was such a day for me, my friends. But at least I managed to get this comment of the week post together, and share the week’s best comment with you!

“NOO! THOSE WERE SUGAR-BASED KEYS!” –Dan

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘I’m nervous in case someone makes a cake that isn’t a shallow cylinder covered in pink icing!’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, like, supposing someone decided to represent nature’s beauty by using green icing, or even making a cake shaped like a tree or something?’ ‘Oh, I’m sure if anyone did that they’d be disqualified for not making a proper cake.'” –Horace Broon

“Well, now we know how terrible a Shoe punchline has to be before the characters can’t even be bothered with the Goggle Eyes of Horror.” –Daniel

“Overall, I think you have to grant that the depiction of avian life in Shoe is at least as realistic as the way teenagers are portrayed in Luann.” –cheech wizard

“Maybe Crank considers it a waste of time because he plans on driving his bus through George’s basement at 7:45 the next day? ‘Thanks, George, for letting me scope the place. In 12 hours, you’ll have nothing but matchsticks and tears.'” –Hogenmogen

“‘Cell’ isn’t short for ‘cellular phone’ here, guys. She’s calling Archie’s place of imprisonment. The beeps tell her his phone-activated shock collar is still functioning, still keeping him down there on the floor like the animal he is.” –Doctor Handsome

“I don’t know too much about graveyard management, but one thing I do know is that if you have a dead body with an abnormally large arm bone, you should prop it up vertically very close to a mausoleum door. That way anyone who opens the door will knock it over and get spooked out. (This post started out sarcastic, then secretly turned into a good idea.)” –Chareth Cutestory

“If John drops dead of a heart attack as he tries to lift the cake and then Mary delivers a whole week of inspirational platitudes at his funeral, I will forgive everything that has happened in this strip for the past three years.” –Poteet

“I sure hope John’s all-pink nightmare cake tribute to Mrs. Butterworth and/or Mary Worth wins him enough money to get the counseling he so desperately needs.” –Ed Dravecky

” Man, that felt good! I should havetightened the crotch on these pants years ago!” –Oregonian

“I’ll never forget the scene when Cameron Diaz came back from the dead in There’s Nothing Natural About Mary.” –Lenoxus

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