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Your comment of the week shortly, but first: don’t forget that I will be reading in New York on Tuesday and doing comedy in Baltimore on Saturday the 8th, so you should be coming to one or both of those things. But will I be funnier than this week’s COTW? Enh, probably not!

“To save time, ‘How dare you?’ should be printed on Margo’s business cards.” –Pozzo

I might just barely edge out these hilarious runners up:

“I’m sorry Jim, but your incestuous feelings for your dead sister are getting in the way of my incestuous feelings for my living father.” –liam

“Evan is pretty sassy for someone who appears to have coordinated his outfit so as to best blend in with the oddly-colored walls and furniture. Maybe it’s his defense mechanism: he planned for this epic Margo confrontation with all the cunning of a chameleon.” –Marzipan

“Stop acting like you own this agency! Just go out there and sell some real estate! … We don’t sell real estate? You’re wearing a Century 21 jacket. I just figured … So, who were these clients that you were trolling for?” –hogenmogen

“Petey Parker asks what’s going on. What’s going on is the start of Kraven the Hunter, After Dark!” –Baka Gaijin

“I must admit, Dawn’s psycho friend Jim has gestured more with his one remaining arm these past few weeks than I have with TWO arms and nearly fifty years of living. Granted, they have almost ALL been ‘I’m going to KILL you!’ gestures, but still, way to cope with your recent disability, Jim!” –mojo

“I don’t know about the students’ perspective, but I know from the teaching side of things that if my class includes Peppermint Patty, Betty Cooper, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV, then I sure as hell don’t need to worry about my Super Ego.” –Bud

“I love the fact that Crankshaft, Decrepit Lord of All Things Unpleasant, actually seems depressed by Rose’s ranting. It’s like he’s trying to work up the willpower to die so he won’t have to hear it.” –Inkewell

“Does he bring me a strategy? No, he just brings me jewelry. Have you thought about that, son? Why not get your friends matching necklaces and earrings? And maybe some nice pink cashmere turtlenecks. I got this the last time your father ‘messed up.'” –Christopher

“When your dad messes up, he doesn’t bring me a strategy. He bring the ruckus. And he brings it all night long. Have fun in therapy, son!” –Chareth Cutestory

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Archie, 11/30/12

We have proved with painstaking historical research that the current run of Archie newspaper comics originated in the early 1990s. Today’s strip offers more evidence of this: it’s set in a time period where this whole “recycling” business was something that eager, green-minded teens had to teach their hidebound parents, who just wanted to throw all their garbage directly into the water supply, in accordance with the traditions of their ancestors. Unfortunately, the strip’s creators from this era did not have access to any young people (something that probably shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering that Archie has always treated teenagers with contempt), so they appear to have reconstructed the recycling process from secondhand reports. It involves having unboxed waist-high piles of neatly folded newspapers on your lawn, right?

Gil Thorp, 11/30/12

I’m pretty sure we’ve never actually seen Terry Gallagher’s dad over the course of this storyline, so I’m kind of intrigued by the fact that Terry’s mom says that he “doesn’t bring her a strategy” when he “messes up.” What kind of “messing up” does he typically perpetrate? Has he been missing for the past few months because of how badly he “messed up”? Not to engage in ugly stereotyping, but isn’t most likely that Mr. Gallagher is drunk in a gutter right now, “messing” himself “up”, with no “strategy” to get back home? Those aren’t footsteps you want to follow in, kid!

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Mary Worth, 11/29/12

You know how you can tell you’re in a good psychology program? When your professor has written all kinds of psychology-y stuff on the whiteboard. “Um, ego, id … crap, what’s the third one? I know there’s a third one. Is it dreams? That doesn’t sound right, but half of every lecture is taken up by dumb nineteen-year-olds asking me to interpret their anxiety and/or sex dreams, so I might as well write that up there. Now, Freud and Jung … which one was played by Viggo Mortensen and which by Michael Fassbender? Gotta remember to look that up later.”

You know how else you can tell you’re in a good psychology program? When your professor’s lecture makes you visualize the angry, controlling, emotionally damaged young man whose romantic feelings you don’t reciprocate and think “I wish I could break down his barriers and make him love me — but only as a friend.”

Archie, 11/29/12

The Western calendar, derived as it is from ancient Roman and Egyptian models and tweaked over the centuries to match our increasingly accurate measurements of the earth’s revolution around the sun, contains months of varying lengths, leap days subject to complex rules, and a weekly cycle that doesn’t match up exactly with either the monthly or yearly cycles. This actually makes writing calendaring code a fairly tricky computer programming problem! Nevertheless, the rules for Thanksgiving are relatively simple — it’s the fourth Thursday in November, not the last Thursday, which means that someone on the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 programming team seems to have made something of a goof.

Crankshaft, 11/29/12

hate contempt rage bitterness misguided attempts to please a mother who can never feel love HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ALL OF US IN THE FUNKYVERSE, EVERYBODY