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Pluggers, 10/30/12

You know, before I read the caption, I thought I had this one figured out — “pluggers are friendly and helpful, and also spend so much time at their local home improvement big box store that they know where everything is,” or something along those lines. So you can imagine that I was surprised and delighted to discover that it was actually about how pluggers are just stone cold constantly doing their business in public restrooms to the extent that they have elaborate mental maps of where they can go do it. Do pluggers have lower GI or urinary continence problems that cause them to routinely be on the prowl for a publicly accessible toilet? Are their home bathrooms so gross that they actually prefer to go in a facility that they can be reasonably sure is mopped once a day? Or do they get a sick transgressive thrill out of it? Whatever the case, this is sadly one of the most interesting plugger quirks showcased to date.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/12

Oh, hey, Rex Morgan sex worker update: the fun gals at Junior’s apartment building are strippers, not prostitutes. Strippers with hearts of gold, though, tending to and raising money for one of their number who (we learned yesterday) is suffering from breast cancer. Actually presenting a breast cancer storyline seems like a much more natural and organic way for the comics to acknowledge Breast Cancer Awareness Month than, say, just putting pink on everything, though it says a lot about the pacing of soap opera strips that this only became clear on October 29th. Will Rex do an emergency breast-cancer-ectomy, being a scowling dick about the whole thing all the while?

Mark Trail, 10/30/12

Speaking of strippers, check out Mark easing out of shirt in panel three as he prepares to cleanse himself in this pirate island’s beautiful lagoon, all under Pop’s watchful eye! This would definitely be the sexiest Mark Trail yet, were it not for the known scientific fact that Mark Trail is where erotic feelings go to die.

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Archie, 10/29/12

Ha ha, yes, “romantic” is a word teenagers would like to hear when discussing their supposedly happily married parents meeting up with their exes. Good conversational gambit there, Betty! You can hardly blame her, though: she’s probably already resigned to Archie choosing Veronica over her, and is now setting herself up for the long game, plotting to swoop down and win him back sometime in middle age. “So, the Andrews men aren’t sexually attracted to women who’ve had a lot of kids, eh? Time to start selling Ronnie on the joys of a big family!”

Apartment 3-G, 10/29/12

Wait, did I miss important Apartment 3-G developments, like Greg proclaiming his eternal love for Lu Ann where Margo could hear? Whatever, I’m just glad to see Margo still has her priorities in the right place. “Lu Ann can have Greg Cooper. He’s less than nothing to me, if by ‘less than nothing’ you mean ‘a lucrative client of my fledgling publicity agency.'” I’m really looking forward to putting together a “Margo is the world’s worst publicist” montage in a year or so when she abruptly decides to start half-assing another line of work.

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Ziggy, 10/28/12

So I was reading today’s Ziggy and enjoying the little movie I made in my head about what led up to this. (Making up cruel, elaborate backstories about Ziggy’s suffering is the main reason people read Ziggy, yes?) So, yes, Ziggy won a trip to “Paris” (presumably from his local travel agency where people are mean to him all the time), and didn’t read the fine print, and then put on a beret to get on the plane to University of Illinois Willard Airport (the closest with regular commercial service to Paris, Illinois, as everybody knows), then got into a cab at this airport, with the cabbie presumably being in on the joke somehow (maybe the cruel travel agent arranged for him to pick up Ziggy in advance?), and then the cabbie just dumped Ziggy and his luggage in the middle of the road at the Paris, Illinois city limits. That last part is my favorite. Like, I’m assuming that as part of this elaborate dumb prank Ziggy actually was given a hotel room, maybe at the Super 8, but no, instead of driving him there, the cabbie decided that the sign with “Illinois” on it was the perfect place to for Ziggy to finally have his horrible realization that once again something he thought might be good in his life is only another opportunity for humiliation. Enjoy your time in Paris, Illinois, Ziggy! Enjoy walking to the Super 8 from wherever it is you are! It’s at the intersection of Highway 150 and Highway 1, FYI.

Momma, 10/28/12

I find this strip fairly unbelievable. If we know one thing about Francis, it’s that his friends are drunken good-time ne’er-do-wells. Why would he be going to a Halloween party where everyone has the same unimaginative costume and people get upset at the mere mention of alcohol? I think he may have accidentally fallen in with a cult.

Family Circus, 10/28/12

Note to anyone studying how post-modern capitalism affects the imagination of children: Kids become unable to conceptualize play-worlds that do not featured branded, licensed characters sometime between whatever age PJ is supposed to be and whatever age Jeffy is supposed to be.