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Mary Worth, 11/2/12

It’s disturbing to see Mary sprinkling down weird amoeba-blobs out of her hand onto whatever’s in that tray in the first panel. It’s disturbing to see Dawn struggle to hold up a bowl with two hands, as if it were filled with liquid lead. It’s disturbing to trace back the forearm visible at the right in panel two and realize that there’s no way it connects to Dawn’s elbow, which means that someone has broken into the house and has grabbed Dawn by the back of the head and is shaking her for unknown reasons. But Dawn’s new love interest being desperate to keep her away from water because she reminds him of his dead sister? The idea of him thinking, the first time they have sex, about how his beloved sister will never be out of his life again? That’s not disturbing at all! It’s human nature. We humans are an odd lot, if by odd you mean “capable of unspeakable perversions and psychic pain.”

Apartment 3-G, 11/2/12

I have fallen down on the Reading The Comics So You Don’t Have To front, because I have forgotten to mention that, sometime after their inappropriate workplace massage session was interrupted, Margo and Evan made out. There’s been no indication of what progress if any their relationship has made since then, and I’m going to guess that, based on today’s strip and a certain amount of personal experience, they’ve never really discussed anything and Evan just keeps trying to set up the same sequence of events that have led to smooching in the past. Don’t talk about it Margo, you’re just going to ruin everything!

Hi and Lois, 11/2/12

“And retro’s cool, right? Like this vest I’ve got on? Your dad is pretty cool? Please say that I’m cool.”

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Crankshaft, 11/1/12

They say that if you live long enough you’ll experience just about everything, and so here it is: A Crankshaft I laughed at unironically. I think it’s Crankshaft’s look of genuine surprise in the final panel that really does it for me. What do you think he’s worried about more: that Rose found his blog, where writes hundreds of words a day alternately railing against the other members of his household and making terrible puns, or that Rose found his elaborately nesting folders of bookmarked scat porn?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/1/12

Speaking of hilarious third-panel facial expressions, what you’re looking at here is Rex’s involuntary grimace whenever someone uses the word “friend.” The concept involves spending time with other human beings, treating them as equals, listening to things they say, and trying not to look irritated — all things Rex hates, obviously. “I never thought I’d say this, but how can I get away from this guy and get back to the house with all the stripper ladies?”

Gil Thorp, 11/1/12

Gil Thorp: Still about two kids trying to make an new Irish student a superstar, for some reason, and now also about Beech Street, and how it rules, or maybe “Beech Street rules,” whatever those are! But what really grabbed my attention today is the poor young woman in the second panel, who appears to just be resting an enormous sandwich against her mouth instead of eating it. Is this her way of faking normalcy to cover up for a terrible but all-too-common eating disorder? Get help, girl!

Archie, 11/1/12

OH MY GOODNESS SOME PEOPLE SPEAK AND READ CHINESE IT’S CRAAAAAAZY

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Mary Worth, 10/31/12

“So, wait, Mary, you’re asking me if I’m ‘OK’ that my new crush is physically attracted to me because I look uncannily like his dead sister, who is dead, and also was his sister? YES OBVIOUSLY I AM OK WITH THAT!!! You know the thing that I dread more than anything in the world is being dumped, and if Jim loves me because I look like his beloved dead sister, why, he couldn’t ever stand to lose her again, could he? Come on, Mary, help me find pictures of her online so I can start dressing more like her.”

(Also, follow that link above to discover that the Great Dumpening that started this whole storyline happened in mid-May, which means that this joyride of Dawn-misery has gone on for more than six months. And not that it hasn’t been great, but … what do you think Toby and Ian are up to, you think?)

Judge Parker, 10/31/12

“What am I going to do with a chainsaw, boss?” asks the thuggish hillbilly minion. “You’re going to use it for its intended purpose,” replied his boss, a violent drug lord whose empire was under risk of exposure, “which is to say that you’re going to cut up a fallen tree so as to prevent damage to our friend and future business partner’s expensive and impractical automobile!” RIP CHAINSAW DISMEMBERMENT STORYLINE, YOU WERE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE REAL