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Hello, all! Your COTW in a moment, but I just wanted to note that your favorite Uncle Lumpy is taking the reigns of the site starting tomorrow and running through Sunday the 18th. He’ll be nice to you, so be nice to him! I’ll be back with a delayed COTW on Sunday. Till then, here’s the top comment that’ll get you through:

“The knife, placed prominently at the groom’s waist, shrinks in the second vignette. On his wedding day he has been dominated in front of his new bride, and Six Differences has entered strange Freudian territory.” –Dan

And your runners up! Very funny!

“If Heathcliff and Marmaduke fought to the death, who would win? Besides us, I mean.” –[Old Man] Muffaroo

“And what about Batman? He’s, like, a bat? Right? Why can’t he fly? And why does Spider-Man wear his webspinners — which oughta be called spinnerets, by the way — on his wrists? Real spiders have ’em at the back of their abdomens, so Spider-Man’s oughta be on his butt, right? And why don’t you carry more Little Lulu comics?” –erdmann

“That Heathcliff cartoon is especially cruel, with the way that woman mentions kissing to the mouthless entity at her side.” –Droopy Says

“You’re a plugger if you have the side effects even though you aren’t taking the drug.” –Matthew

“CPR? Wha? We were told that you transplanted the brain of a woman into the body of a kangaroo. CPR? No one sends two television news crews to do a story on goddamn CPR.” –hogenmogen

“No, no, no, Archie is not a rerun; it is just set in 1991. Next Jughead discovers grunge. It’s nostalgia!” –Marco Polo Shirt

“I like the look of admiration the little girl is giving the the cake-taker. ‘My hero!’ she seems to be thinking. ‘Someday, when I’m big and strong, I’ll take the cake! All of it!'” –Nehemiah Scudder

“‘You can never have too many friends,’ said the man with none.” –Johnny Knuckles

“Ah-ha, so Evan is a double-crosser! And whatshisface the actor is a smug self-promoting jerk! I’m starting to think the only way you can tell the men in Apartment 3-G apart is by whatever glaring flaw they have that will eventually force the ladies to dump them.” –TheDiva

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/9/12

So, yes, as predicted, an innocent if somewhat ham-handed query about why the word “comic” usually means “funny” but doesn’t in the case of comic books has led to a week-long and increasingly self-important diatribe about the history of the medium and why it’s been forced unfairly into a ghetto where nobody takes it seriously, man (The question that was actually asked was answered fairy succinctly by webcomics hero David Willis.) Hat-bro has been allowed to occasionally say quasi-funny things this week making the point that, ha ha, this answer sure is going on for a while and is boring, but he’s now been silenced, and in today’s final panel the oppressive crush of verbiage manages to drain all color from the room as it reaches a critical mass.

Apartment 3-G, 11/9/12

Ha, so, Aunt Cathy, Evan’s mean girl aunt, is … running a publicity agency that competes with Margo’s? And Evan is secretly working for Margo’s agency as a mole? And he’s spiriting young starlets away to his aunt’s agency by convincing Margo that they’re rivals for his massage-y affections? This makes so much less sense than anything else I thought was happening, which is really something of an achievement.

Mary Worth, 11/9/12

Haha, I love Dawn’s wide-eyed expression in panel two, as she realizes she’s basically been given parental authorization to just stone cold make out with a bunch of dudes without having to worry about boring old “commitment” or anything. Of course, her new friend/love interest Jim is possessive and controlling, so I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear about her plans to play the field.

Shoe, 11/9/12

In world gone mad with ruthless and pointless competition, the Perfesser knows that the only winning move is not to play. That’s why he’s just going to sit in his overstuffed armchair with a beer, eating a pizza right out of the box, and staring at the TV with dead eyes until the reality show that is reality declares a “winner” he can get behind. Till then, he’s opting out of the whole thing. Where do you suppose the pizza box went between panels one and two? Do you think there are a bunch of other pizza boxes piled up there, wherever he threw it?

The Lockhorns, 11/9/12

Here … enjoy the greatest Lockhorns ever written.

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Slylock Fox, 11/8/12

How much do I love this creepy Six Differences scene? A lot! A lot is how much I love it! I particularly love the contrast in facial expressions — the cake-hog is sporting a manic grin, as if he’s incredibly happy that this wedding’s serve-yourself policy has allowed him to get a big enough piece of cake to meet his needs, at long last. Meanwhile, everyone else there (except the children, too young to understand) are staring at his retreating back with numb horror, and, I assume, in icy silence. Social norms have been violated so egregiously that it’s hard to know what might come next, but I think it’s safe to say that the prominent placement of that terrifyingly large knife is no accident.

Archie, 11/8/12

So I guess we can now peg the date of these Archie reruns to the fall of 1991, since that was when the first crew entered Biosphere 2 and probably was the last time anyone bothered to make any kind of joke about it, unless you count jokes about the 1996 Pauly Shore vehicle Bio-Dome, which, frankly, I don’t. (NEVER FORGET that the Biosphere thingie in Arizona was “Biosphere 2,” a reference to Biosphere 1, which was of course our Earth.) But more important is Mr. Lodge’s expression of implacable evil in the final panel. One would think that a man willing to scurry into an artificially sealed environment just to get away from his daughter’s ne’er-do-well boyfriend would be feeling more sheepish than sinister. Thus, we must assume that Mr. Lodge wants to enter Biosphere 2 not to escape Archie, but to escape the deadly poison gas his scientists have developed that will soon kill Archie and, as a regrettable but unavoidable side effect, all other human life.

Dick Tracy, 11/8/12

Oh, Dick Tracy! Are you trying to win my heart by having a desperate, injured criminal start eating pain patches so he can make one last desperate run at the cops who are closing in on him? Because it’s working pretty well!