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Family Circus, 9/8/12

Oh, God, something horrible happened outside, didn’t it? Those aren’t the faces of little kids who were having some fun out in the yard; those expressions are of illness and queasy terror. And then there’s Dolly, standing in the doorway, staring at them, marking their words. “Are they telling Mommy? They were specifically ordered not to tell Mommy. They know the punishment for telling Mommy: More mud pies. More mud pies. You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘filling,’ Jeffy.”

Apartment 3-G, 9/8/12

Hey, everyone, the Professor’s back! Back from … I dunno, did he go somewhere? I guess he did, they made a big deal out of his return earlier this week. Anyway, now he and Greg are bonding over their shared heritage, which seems to be causing a stone-faced Margo to vibrate with hostility in the final panel. Is she about to unleash a series of vicious anti-Greek ethnic slurs that will result in her being forever blackballed by the cabal of Hellenes who pull the strings of New York’s PR industry?

Wizard of Id, 9/8/12

The moral of today’s Wizard of Id: Don’t be lured into complacency by the false promise of nonviolent agitation for radical change! Violent expropriation of the rich’s wealth is the only path to successful class war.

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Guys, your comments of the week are coming shortly, but first: You may remember back when I quit my job that in addition to insanely declaring that I would write a book I also insanely declared that I would be doing live comedy shenanigans? Well, it’s true, I am doing them! I will be part of a couple of shows in the Baltimore area in the next few weeks. Here are the details! Come, it will be funny, promise!

And now, your comment of the week:

“‘It’s a more economical way of getting dressed in the morning?’ queried the Krakthor, shifting its squat, bulbous features underneath the hideous man-disguise so that the head-front would resemble human curiosity.” –bunivasal

And the runners up! Very funny!

“So help me, at first I thought the joke was that Teresa Mae’s husband was having a baby himself, given his position. I mean, it’d probably be best if his feet were in stirrups, but those require precious iron to manufacture.” –Spyglass

“And speaking of experiments that didn’t work, how about we agree that we’re both still heterosexual?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Jughead’s got that ‘letter to the editor’ face going on.” –sporknpork

“My day, as I had planned it: focus on some upcoming deadlines at work; enjoy some music on the commute home; spend some time with the kids; get my news fix watching the convention. My day as it is actually going to happen: dwell obsessively on the fact that Jamaal’s pants are hanging open.” –Nekrotzar

“Then again, maybe her junior high picture reminds her of a happier time in her life, before she gave birth to The Omen.” –Digger

“Chip was probably asking what band it is, but whatever. ‘This is called an audio recording, son. We used to use them to duplicate sound.'” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Don’t cut your hair like Moe Howard, dear,’ is what Mrs. Worth should be saying to Dawn instead of prattling on and on about the hospital.” –Baka Gaijin

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Marvin, 9/7/12

Yes, Jeff, don’t you find your wife as sexually appealing as she was when she was 12? Be very careful about how you answer this question! Today’s Marvin has been cleverly designed to elicit sighs of relief when the strip moves back to its usual jokes about soiled diapers.

Hi and Lois, 9/7/12

Look, Chip, don’t expect coherent answers from your dad when he’s lounging theatrically in his man-cave and listening to his old records and smoking tons of weed, OK?

Momma, 9/7/12

Ha ha, it’s funny because Momma knows Francis doesn’t have any friends!