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Shoe, 9/13/23

A comic strip is such a condensed bit of storytelling that I generally think it should do one joke and and do it well. Today’s Shoe, for instance, should just lean into the fact that it’s doing a version of the well-worn “psychic fails to predict something that would actually have been quite helpful for them to know” bit or do something with in the fact that there’s a new psychic in town named “Claire Voyance.” “But Josh,” you’re probably saying, “‘Claire Voyance’ is an incredibly dumb and on-the-nose thing to name a psychic, I’m not sure how you’d squeeze anything funny out of that,” and you’re not wrong, but keep in mind that Shoe’s recurring psychic character, the one who’s featured in today’s strip, is named “Madame ZooDoo” for some reason, so you can see that the strip isn’t operating on a particularly high level to begin with.

The Lockhorns, 9/13/23

Man, I want to know about the chain of thought that led to Loretta hanging up a “Happy Anniversary” sign from Party City for a dinner of leftover orange goo and bright red wine. Normally I’d think this was set up to drop some kind of sick burn on Leroy, but instead it just made her an easy target, so I have to assume she just gave up, which is sad, honestly. You hate to see a great competitor in marital combat leave the arena.

Blondie, 9/13/12

It’s been a while since I watched the Weather Channel, but based on the general trajectory of basic cable channels, I very much would believe that America’s Greatest Weather Injuries is a big part of its lineup now. Gotta give the people what they want!

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Dick Tracy, 9/12/23

Sprocket Nitrate has managed to extract herself from the crumbling criminal enterprise in which she was entangled and has laid her hands on a fake passport and, you know what, good for her! Now she faces her greatest challenge yet: will she be able to bring herself to put on shoes as she flees the country? Criminal syndicates tend to have fairly relaxed workplace dress codes, but in my experience you really do need to wear shoes to board an international flight.

Mary Worth, 9/12/23

Ha ha, bet you thought that Saul and Eve getting married and paying their respects to Mary last week would signal that this week, finally, we would finally embark on a new adventure. Turns out nope! Turns out we’re stuck here forever. Truly wild that this storyline began with a lurid dogfighting plot and is going to end with an old man trying to figure out how much of his stuff he should donate to the Goodwill.

Pardon My Planet, 9/12/23

What with the combination of the classic winged-angels-standing-on-clouds depiction of heaven, reincarnation, “soul companion,” and the idea that the spirit might remain tied to the body even after death, I’m going to say something I never thought I’d say: there’s way too much going on theologically in today’s Pardon My Planet.

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Hi and Lois, 9/11/23

Sometimes it can be easy to forget that we live in an age of technological wonders. For instance, if you have a leak in your house, you can contact a plumbing professional, send them a photo or video of the problem, and have them give a preliminary diagnosis and estimate, all without the need for them to make the trip out to your house. Hi and Lois absolutely hate this, for some reason.

Dennis the Menace, 9/11/23

Not sure if this guy is supposed to be the Mitchells’ minister (in which case their denomination’s clergy has undergone a significant sartorial downgrade in the last few years) or just some hapless victim Dennis has decided to annoy while Henry and Alice stand idly by doing nothing to stop him, but that is the face of a man who is either unable to politely get away from a little moron who’s so theologically misguided that he reinvented Scientology, or the face of a guy who isn’t listening to anything that little moron is saying because he has to take a huge dump. I guess it could be both.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/11/23

Look, Rene, the days which you’d get paid for your musical talents and flim-flam schemes in cash or cocaine are over, you current operate as part of an interconnected network of specialized professionals, so get used to it and stop kidnapping people.