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Archie, 11/4/12

So my expectations for comic strip attention to detail are low enough that I actually felt compelled to mentally double-check the math here to make sure that it adds up. Which it does! I suppose you’d expect proper accounting from an enterprise that is meticulous about not infringing on Kellogg’s® Pop-Tart® branding identity without permission.

Luann, 11/4/12

Sorry, I know I should be grappling with the gross “marriage is an endless series of point-scoring exercises in which menfolk attempt to minimize work and maximize sexual benefits” message of today’s strip, but I’m far too grossed out on a much more visceral level by Brad’s grinning offer to vacate himself and his sister from the premises so his parents can have sex as loudly as they want.

Crankshaft, 11/4/12

Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death. Yep, all systems are still go!

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Gil Thorp, 11/3/12

Boring as the current Gil Thorp storyline has been, it at least has kept me guessing. Mostly those guesses have been along the lines of “OK, now it’s going to be about something other than Terry Gallagher becoming a manufactured Milford celebrity more or less on the whims of two other ill-defined random dudes, right? How about … now? Or, now? Nope, still about that, huh.” But also I’m confused as to how the plot’s going to end, though I think today’s strip seems to set things up for the traditional narrative of hubris followed by destruction. How else are we to interpret the final panel of today’s strip, in which Terry is paraded about the stadium like a Celtic God in the back of a chariot, one of his women at his side (oh, he’s making out with multiple girls, FYI), receiving the fist-pumping adulation of thousands? Oh, it’s going to turn ugly for Terry Gallagher. Ugly indeed. (Just kidding, probably he’s going to just get yelled at by his makeout partners and Milford won’t make the playdowns and he’ll smile and say something wry.)

Dick Tracy, 11/3/12

Dick Tracy has been lighter on the graphic, brutal violence since the reboot, but it still has its high points! I like the fact that the little arrow-box, a classic Dick Tracy device, is being used to make sure you realize that yes, that ash-like material Sparkle Plenty scooped out from under the flames in the stove is in fact hot ash, and that right now Measles’ already scarred flesh is being horribly burned. We’ve actually seen Gertie sneaking up on him with an ax for the last couple days, so at least the exact form of horrible pain Measles is suffering has come as surprise!

Archie, 11/3/12

Ha ha, that Mr. Lodge sure does get mad at Archie! Who knows whether it’s because he’s poor or he’s ginger or he wants to touch Veronica’s lady parts or he’s just kind of a jackass, but whatever the case, we now know that Mr. Lodge thinks of Archie as a mere object, a subhuman “it,” to be destroyed without a second thought when the time is right. Enjoy your next visit to stately Lodge Manor, Archie! It will be your last.

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Everybody, I hope you enjoy your weekend. (And, NYC/NJ/other Sandy-affected folks: I hope your life is becoming somewhat more normal!) We send you off on Friday with our traditional Friday comment of the week:

“OK, this definitely isn’t the school bus. Doesn’t Archie own a jalopy? And isn’t Riverdale the caucasianest place in America? Why the hell are they on a city bus somewhere that has foreign-language newspapers? SPOILER ALERT: NARCOTICS.” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Also the implication that the patriarchy that is the Keane compound would allow Dolly to dress as a main character from a very female-centric movie like Brave rings totally false. I’d expect her to be dressed as Alice from the Brady Bunch, or maybe a mop.” –Aitherion

“‘Alright, Margo, we have to reshoot the whole scene. I mean, every single extra was looking at the camera the whole time.’ ‘Margo doesn’t do two takes.’ ‘But I think one of those extras was eating! And they all somehow put on turtlenecks when we transitioned over to camera 2.’ ‘No two takes! Margo will be in her trailer.'” –bunivasal

“I want to add ‘…as in exotic?’ every time somebody tells me what they do for a living now.” –Matt

“How could you say that anyone really looks like Dawn? Every time she turns around her body morphs into some new shape. Hells, between panels one and two she dropped two hat sizes and grew a neck.” –pugfuggly

“Oh, Dawn, everything’s okay, so long as it catches you a man. Now let’s bake another pan of Invisible Nothing.” –Patrick

“After I slash and dismember some college kids who happen to stumble in the woods up here, I’m going to lead my aerobics class! Hence my head and arm bands. Now, everyone, let’s stretch!!” –Greg

“Do you think if I dumped this cup of flour over my head, it would make me look sufficiently dead that Jim would be even more interested?” –Pozzo

“Beech Street Rules: 1. It’s OK to talk about the Beech Street Rules, but do so quietly 2. It doesn’t go to the beach, so no bikinis 3. You’d think it would be tree-lined, but it’s not, so no chainsaws 4. unless you’re juggling” –Bill Murray

“Of course actual humans don’t say ‘We humans.’ And neither will Dawn, once she presses her awkwardly-placed reset button.” –Droopy Says

“Good morning, Margo. What a lovely day! You just caught me screwing on a fresh new hand, since I wore the last one down to the nub on you… Shall I massage your temples, Margo? First, I was thinking of sliding it gently up your nose, like this.” –sporknpork

Plus, another one that was just a bit too long for consideration but still worth of your time comes from bourbon babe, unbuckled, who knows how the college-aged really talk.

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