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Apartment 3-G, 7/3/12

“Should I use the ritual obsidian dagger I was saving to finally kill Margo with to cut the still-living child from Nina’s womb? I’m not sure if using it to shed blood in order to save a life will sap of it the dark power it needs for its intended purpose — or will only make it stronger. Damn it, I need to find a necromancer to consult, stat!”

Mary Worth, 7/3/12

“I mean, in America we never snort wasabi paste out of a coke spoon, right? Try to expand your horizons here!”

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EVERYBODY! I helped contribute to a project coordinated by the amazing Ryan Estrada that I think you will be interested in! A bunch of comics heavyweights and I wrote dialogue that fit into awesome comics illustrated by Korean artist Nam Dong Yoon. Do any of us speak Korean? No! Were we provided with a translation of the original dialogue? No! Is the result hilarious and insane? YES!

It’s being offered as a part of The Whole Story, a pay-as-you-wish comics experiment. You’ll get Fusion Future, the collection I contributed to, at the $10 level, but there’s lots of other awesome stuff available, so check it out!

Also, since it is the beginning of the month, it is my day to remind you that, if you enjoy using and/or following jokesters on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Google+, why, you can follow me on any of those services, merely by clicking the appropriate links previously in this sentence! I post mostly the same things to all of these sites (links to updates to this blog, links to things I write elsewhere, announcements about projects, links to things I think are funny, dumb jokes) so probably just pick the one you like best. Or pick none at all! The choice is yours.

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Hi and Lois, 7/2/12

You know, it’s not like I want to think about the sex lives of middle-aged comic strip characters (wait, no, I just remembered that Luann exists, amend that to “all comic strip characters of any age”). But when Hi leans back in his easy chair with his hands behind his head so as to vaguely thrust his crotch Loisward, throwing her some bedroom eyes and suggesting they go “wherever the road takes us,” I pretty much have to, OK? Lois, meanwhile, after having had four kids and seeing how they turned out, has finally figured out the value of planning when it comes to families.

Gil Thorp, 7/2/12

In other comics couples whose boinking styles I am now involuntarily thinking about news, here’s today’s Gil Thorp! I actually believe that this strip is part of Gil Thorp’s passive-aggressive battle with its own readership, aimed at those of us who are sad that the crazy, unstructured summer storylines when anything could happen have now been replaced by just another season of boring sports action. “Oh, hey, whiny readers, do you want to see a zany summer storyline about Coach Thorp and Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s sex life, full of B&D sex scenes so poorly written and illustrated that they make Fifty Shades of Grey look like Anais Nin?” “Nooooo, don’t do that, just show us some golf, please, for the love of God.”

Judge Parker, 7/2/12

Yep, Sam really hankers for the simple life! Just give him a vast estate and a RV bigger than most Americans’ houses and a bottomless pit of money and he’s a happy guy.