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Mark Trail, 2/12/12

Oh, hey, Mark, have you slipped something completely horrifying into the last panel of Sunday’s nature lesson? Yes, let’s all gaze upon the repulsive New Zealand flatworm, which has no natural predators. Presumably once they finish devouring all the earthworms available, they’ll start moving up the food chain, and by the time they get to humans they’ll be about six feet long and completely unstoppable. Fortunately, these monsters appear to be confined to island nations at the moment, but it’s probably best to eradicate all life in New Zealand and Great Britain with atomic fire, just to be sure.

Beetle Bailey, 2/12/12

Of course, it may already be too late for the rest of the world, as even members of the U.S. military appears to have been infected with awful mutagenic diseases that can transform them into horrific beast-men.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/12/12

And don’t forget, Crazy Harry, every birthday brings you closer to the moment when you’ll tumble through the narrows of the hourglass of time onto an awful pit of impaling spikes! ARE YOU SMILING AS YOU BLOW OUT THOSE CANDLES, WHY ARE YOU SMILING, BIRTHDAYS ARE FOR THINKING ABOUT DEATH AND ONLY DEATH

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Beetle Bailey, 2/11/12

Fans of eroticized but poorly detailed sketch drawings everywhere know that Wednesdays are Miss Buxley Days over at Beetle Bailey! Similarly, we fans of vignettes of elderly marital misanthropy, alcoholism, and sadness (an admittedly much more exclusive fraternity) know that Saturdays are for General and Mrs. Halftrack to confront their rapidly failing bodies and their distaste for one another. For us, the sight of of General Halftrack staring sadly at a cereal bowl full of pills, unable to understand why medical science’s best efforts still can’t stop the pain, is much more exciting than a glimpse of Miss Buxley’s upper thighs.

Mary Worth, 2/11/12

The best part about today’s strip, in which Mary tries to figure out if she should come up with a name for Nola’s voracious appetite for sex and destruction and power or simply murder the woman now for the good of all, is that it’s Saturday and we’re still in mid-dinner. Could this mean that we’ll have another week of Nola’s Guide To Success In Life? What good deeds have we done to deserve such a gift?

Apartment 3-G, 2/11/12

Everyone who loved Nina for her cruelty and ability to strangle people with her mind, and who worried that becoming a mother would make her soft, have no fear: she’s only agreed to incubate this child so that she can make it the ultimate sacrifice to the dread god Moloch.

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Your COTW momentarily, but first, a link from faithful reader knittaplease! Have you always dreamed of the day when Hubert Selbey’s Requiem for a Dream would be combined with the now retired syndicated comic strip Cathy? Your dreams have come true, my friend!

And now, your comment of the week!

“That’s right, Mary. I always wanted chlamydia. And now … I’ve got it!” –btown

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Is Tommie Thompson so hard up for some lovin’ that she perpetually keeps her lips pursed in hopes she stumbles onto a kissing bandit or friendly golden retriever?” –Baka Gaijin

“Nina’s Single White Female stalking of Margo has reached phase three, I see.” –Lolsworth

“My cooking and my advice are a great combination. Both are bland, hard to swallow, and eventually induce vomiting.” –Digger

“I like how bored Thor looks in the second panel. Longtime Spider-Man reader, I guess. ‘So this is where a bird shits on him or something and he passes out, right?'” –Roto13

“I love how Jeff the bank robber, after donning that coat, is a dead ringer for He-Man after he decided to restart his career and become a Don McLean-esque folk singer.” –Aelfric

On a character “overdosing on tattoos” in Gil Thorp: “If he is overdosing then you need to take a syringe full of adrenaline and jam it right into his hear. Now you have to do it hard enough because you will be going through his rib cage. Why are looking at me like that? It’s how they did it in Pulp Fiction. You haven’t seen it yet. It’s the most popular movie in theaters right now. This is the Nineties right? I can’t tell when we are anymore.” –Liam

“I like to think the arrow in Momma is there just to prove to the reader that there is a joke located in the strip.” –sporknpork

“Judging by the look of delight on Nola’s face, I’m wondering what the heck she could need advice about: ‘I can’t figure it out, Mary. When you hold a man in the palm of your hand, do you rub the ice cube above the scrotum or below. What do you do, Mary?'” –Bill Peschel

“Obviously, the ‘blue pill’ is an allusion to the Matrix. Pluggers, by definition, have chosen to take the blue pill to escape back into their dreary life of slavery, by choice, because the concept of the red pill and all it represents — free will, being happy, having a funny comic strip — is too horrible to contemplate. Now, honey, where’s my Metamucil? I want to have some me-time.” –Crankenstank

“I like to imagine that Nina has spent the entire duration of her visit with Margo dropping increasingly unsubtle hints about her pregnancy, only to have each one go over her head. ‘I HOPE I CAN FIND A GOOD PEDIATRICIAN’ ‘HEY MARGO, DO YOU THINK GRANT IS A NICE NAME FOR A BOY?’ ‘DO YOU WANT TO FEEL IT KICKING?’ None of these were working, so she went with the most obvious indicator of pregnancy there is, outside of ‘A SMALL HUMAN BEING HAS BEEN DEVELOPING INSIDE MY UTERUS FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS.'” –Irrischano

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