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Baldo, 7/9/11

Does anyone remember a series of PSAs that ran during children’s programming in the late ’70s and early ’80s that tried to convince kids not to scarf down all the delicious-looking prescription medications their parents had in the medicine cabinet? They featured some vaguely Sid-and-Marty-Kroft-esque blue spherical felt puppets with little beady eyes that I guess were supposed to represent pills, and they sang a weird, warbling little tune called “We’re Not Candy,” the only lyrics to which I can remember are the end of the rhyming couplet, “fine and dandy.” They were of course horrifying and made you not want to take drugs, or even eat candy; I don’t watch a lot of kid’s TV anymore, but I’m assuming they’ve long gone off the air. At any rate, this is my roundabout way of getting to the fact that Gracie and her little friend are well on their way to becoming pill fiends.

Crankshaft, 7/9/11

I hate myself for having become even accidentally aware of the Funkyverse’s dark spiritual pantheon, but isn’t Le Chat Blue the talking cat-demon who appears to taunt Les when he’s hitting a low point of suicidal depression? I didn’t know that this monster had a band, but I’m guessing it didn’t take a lot of data mining for Amazon to suggest its brand of mope-jazz to everyone with a Westview address.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/9/11

Speaking of suicidal depression, based on Herb And Jamaal’s Nameless White Customer’s thousand-yard stare in the last panel, I’m guessing he’s confused “being haunted by one’s own mortality” with “a mature philosophy.”

Gil Thorp, 7/9/11

“As you can tell by my fashionable attire, I’m a caddie! It’s the summer job to have, if you’re a fan of staring at teenage boy ass.”

Dennis the Menace, 7/9/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis is taking joy in spending the day with his father, but all his dad cares about is his dumb golf score!

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As muggy July settles in, enjoy this fine comment of the week:

“This is the first time the Crock lettering was big enough for me to realize they’ve gone to a font instead of hand lettering. Where are the standards?! We’re definitely devoting an entire session to this switch at Crock-Con this year!” –Edgy DC

And the runners-up! Hilariousness!

“That rabbit doesn’t strike me as stoned. More like depressed, probably because this is his first glimpse of the nightmarish police state that makes up the Slylock Fox universe. While his friends are cowering in fear at their red, furry judge and jury, Rabbit-Boy has taken up quiet resignation at his helplessness against the vulpine and rodent based justice system.” –KevinK

I love Slylock’s absolute lack of interest in this case. ‘Yeah yeah, sorry about your, you know, broken thingy. It was probably Slick Smitty, or Count What’s-His-Face, or — HEY MAX IT’S MY TURN TO BE ISSAC NEWTON.'” –Irrischano

Mary Worth: “Okay, I’m becoming convinced that the artist uses urethane and silicon Japanese robots first as models and then, making sure they are stiffly and unnaturally posed, goes to work. (And by ‘work’ I mean has sex with them.)” –Greg

“Ziggy applied for political asylum when Castro’s pro-pants party took over. ‘These cheeks must never be denied!’ cried Ziggy as he rowed a boat fashioned from his giant nose towards freedom.” –Dennis the Two and a Half Menace

“At least Loweezy prepared for the hangover by going to bed with an icepack on her head. That *is* what that is, isn’t it? Because otherwise she’s wearing a nightcap over a shawl, and that’s just fucked.” –Pozzo

“Ha ha, there goes my cell phone again! Phones totally go, ‘Beep beep beep’ in 2011! That is in no way a medical device informing me that my colostomy bag has reached its capacity! So, how about that rapscallion Archie Andrews, huh?” –Doctor Handsome

“If don’t get any answers, Dr. Corey’s gonna karate chop a bitch! I’ll show them for coming to a hospital for healing!” –Black Drazon

“I like how, in a joke about editorial cartoons, the Crock artist went ahead and just wrote the word ‘outpost’ on the outpost. Now he only needs to write ‘taxes’ on one rampaging horde and ‘runaway spending’ on the other, and he’s home free.” –Dan

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Crock, 7/8/11

At first I thought that this might be a joke about the recent (2005 being “recent” on the geological timescale one needs to use to assess Crock) controversy over the Muhammed cartoons in Denmark. This would be shocking not merely for its relative pop culture relevance, but also because it would mean that the Crock creative team suddenly remembered that its characters are in fact in a Middle Eastern country. However, upon reflection, both those suppositions seemed extremely unlikely, so now I’m just going to assume that the Crock creators think that people often get riled up about political cartoons in modern day-to-day life, because that’s exactly the kind of out of touch that Crock is.

Apartment 3-G, 7/8/11

Palpably scheming Margo is of course the best kind of Margo, so I’m very eager to see what kind of money-making plan she comes up with for the under-renovation Mills Gallery. I’m thinking either “hollaback reverse harassment center, where New York women can come and pay money to sexually humiliate construction workers” or “stash house.”

Luann, 7/8/11

The sad thing is that Brad doesn’t really have the people skills necessary to be a good restroom attendant.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/8/11

Jamaal’s date is concerned that he may have the clap.