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Family Circus, 8/21/11

OBVIOUSLY there’s no child’s suffering that delights me so much as a Keane Kid’s suffering, and so I’m overjoyed to see Billy’s comically overwrought expression of crushing despair as his mother drapes that suit jacket over his shoulders. It’s as if he’s won the Masters, only instead of a green jacket he’s getting a blue jacket, and instead of winning the Masters he’s going to be executed wearing a blue jacket.

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/11

Kudos to Dennis and/or the current hired hands churning out “Hank Ketchum’s Dennis the Menace” for avoiding the obvious wordplay response to “Margaret’s goin’ places” (“Goin’ too many places, if you ask me!”) and instead heading into much creepier territory. Dennis suddenly steps into the shoes of his greatest enemy; now that he realizes that Mr. Wilson is a human being with feelings like himself, his life will never be the same. This sudden act of empathy comes with a physical manifestation: Dennis is emitting a Mr. Wilson-style single bead of sweat in the final panel, indicating a simmering, child-hating rage, though the fact that it appears to be flowing down the outside of his hair is a little confusing.

Mary Worth, 8/21/11

“I knew I had to see Bobby before I left! In my mind, I could already imagine him after our family vanished into the witness protection program, his arms raised as he begged the mob thugs hot on our trail for his life.”

Gasoline Alley, 8/21/11

Slim’s suffering still counts for this post because he’s an idiot man-child, which is a type of child, right? Anyway, I’m not sure this comic has a punchline beyond “Slim is a simpleton,” but then, it probably doesn’t really need one.

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Blondie, 8/20/11

Signs you’ve been in the comics-mocking business too long: you find yourself growing outraged that Dagwood isn’t heading to his usual aggressively wacky drive-through fast-food joint, Clown Burger, whose “Say … then pay!” motto strips down the industrially farmed beef acquisition process to its barest essence. Sports Burger, while even more drably named, seems intent on riding its gimmick hard, forcing its poor employees to engage in faux-football banter that they’re surely not being paid enough to spout with any real enthusiasm. Over at Clown Burger, the only clowniness comes in the form of the no doubt grubby ceramic clown head that you shout your order into. Still, I guess I can’t fault Dagwood for craving a little variety; since he seems to eat about nine meals a day, he needs to spread his food-purchasing love around a bit.

Marmaduke, 8/20/11

I really enjoy the insouciant way that Marmaduke’s owners’ daughter is lording over this empire of crime, sprawled casually as she is in an overstuffed easy chair that Marmaduke no doubt dragged from some poor soul’s living room in the midst of an orgy of screams and broken glass and carnage. He’ll allow her to believe that she’s part of his kleptomaniacal posse, right up to the part where he eats her.

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YOU GUYS I KNOW I AM LATE WITH THE COMMENT OF THE WEEK, but hopefully you will still enjoy it!

“Of course Cayla was going to end up with some disease. I just never guessed it would be Stockholm Syndrome.” –chistery

And hopefully you will also enjoy these runners up!

“You look like a cold drink on a hot day! By which I mean still enticing, no matter how weak and flavorless!” –BigTed

“Kenny’s mom is drinking? And probably emotionally vulnerable? She’s single, right? How’s the caboose?” –Doctor Handsome

“My childhood was a happy time. Then everything changed after Brown v Board of Education.” –Ranger

“‘Why? What have you heard?’ ‘Well, Kenny, actually most of what I’ve been hearing for the last week is a nice, soothing, steady E-flat, ever since I had this tuning fork grafted onto my left hand. You should try it too, since your golf game is going to be pretty much garbage from now on out anyway, what with your Mom being a lush and all.'” –seismic-2

“Yes yes yes. You loved him. He loved you. It was simple innocent time. When do we get to the part about him dying tragically.” –Liam

“This week’s Hand-thing of the Week contest has been opened to the readership. Vote for your favorite: Organ Pipe Cactus (Gil, left); A Failed Salute to Aquaman (Gil, right); Trouble at the Sawmill (Kenny, left); The Unlucky Monkey Paw (Kenny, right). The winning hand-thing will be unveiled this Friday, in your nightmares.” –Walker of Dog

“Only the gazebo heard Les whine, and it sat there, quietly judging, and waiting.” –Voshkod

“My guess is the flying droplets are quite literal. Clearly Betty spits at Veronica through her incisors in disgust because of Veronica flaunting her new school accessories while Betty is forced to wear a truckstop waitress costume. Veronica should be happy that Betty didn’t punch her straight in the nose … flap?” –sporknpork

“After Gina’s Dad got whacked, Gina and her mother would often visit the Lincoln Memorial to reenact this, their final gathering as a family.” –Ned Ryerson

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