Were there many hilarious comments this week? Yes. Was this one the funniest? Maybe! It’s my pick, anyway.
“‘Magical dreamland,’ nothing. Lois is sailing high on Vicodin and mojitos.” –Pope Buck I
“No, Paul’s mom — you need to make it seem like your voice is coming out of the puppet’s mouth.” –Chyron HR
“I have to admit I’m in awe of Mary Worth’s powers. Liza stalked Drew for months, but one quick lunch meddle from Mary and she’s completely disappeared. I mean it’s like she never existed. Like the lines in Mary’s forehead. She’s like botox for relationships.” –Mark B
“Leroy seems to be a chilling, future-tense mirror image of that poor kid. Few things could be more disturbing to a young child, especially while a cruel incidental Ziggy character looks on impassively from his cardboard-box fort.” –Doctor Handsome
“Oh, ye cats, Luann, not this again. Can’t we please go back to the Weenieworld sexual harassment plot? While both storylines will no doubt be rife with gag-inducing innuendo and maddeningly implausible behaviors and reactions, I don’t see how this one is going to measurably advance the noble cause of Brad’s suffering.” –Violet
“It looks like Da Judge and Constance are about to enact the world’s most boring porn scene, with Judge Parker falling asleep mid-coitus from too much cocoa while Constance pretends she’s being fucked by Matt Lauer.” –Frippin on the Krotz
“Judge Parker: ‘It’s your turn now.’ Constance: ‘What does that–‘ *HIT BY BUS*” –blah
“In the last panel the Judge looks ready to be added to Mt Rushmore, probably permanently replacing, say, Teddy Roosevelt (because isn’t that guy’s fifteen minutes up anyway?). ‘Just do justice to my manly chin, boys!'” –Greg
“Holy crap, Mary Worth even lectures herself in her own mind. She has no Off switch.” –captainswift
“Mary sensibly hurried to the doctor right after that marriage proposal by Dr. Jeff, just to make sure he didn’t give her cooties.” –Mardou Fox
“Mary’s so proud to have ‘DODGED A BULLET!’ I only wish Dr. Jeff were still within earshot.” –Écureuil Écumant
“Y’know, I’m not the expert outdoorsman and wildlife photographer that Mark is, but I can’t help but feel that the goose in question is not ‘getting out in that deep water,’ inasmuch as it is on land.” –Alter S. Reiss
“MARK! RELAX! GEESE FLOAT!” –word-doctor
“Since Canada geese aren’t sexually dimorphic and also don’t change plumage as they age, how does Mark know this goose is both (a) old and (b) a ‘fellow’? My guess is that behind the clumps of grass, there must be a copy of Modern Maturity and a bottle of ‘Just For Ganders’ feather dye.” –Perky Bird
“Sarah sighed. This old biddy was going to order a salad, water, top it off with pie and ice cream, and stiff her on the tip. Her eyes narrowed. What was that on her face? Was that a … seam? The dark line ran from her earlobe to her chin and as Sarah leaned in a bit closer she saw it, a chitinous limb slip out of the seam and beckon to her. As her gorge rose she barely had time to mutter excuses as she ran from the madness, out into the street, away from the diner forever. Mary gently pushed the claw back under her skin and smoothed away the seam. ‘Not yet, children, not yet,’ she whispered. ‘The stars are not right.’ She fixed a smile on her face. ‘Excuse me? My waitress has left.'” –Voshkod
“UH-OH, I THINK I MADE IT MAD BY YELLING AT IT! CLEARLY THE SOLUTION IS TO CONTINUE YELLING!” –Esther Blodgett
“Sometime in the near comic future, Quill and Luann will be doing it all the while saying its ‘not a date.’ However, more importantly, Gunther will be watching the sloppy sex ensue and will consequently turn into the Phantom of the Opera and haunt the high school basement with a 1980s era keyboard that only plays midi music.” –Government Cheese
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