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Crock, 6/26/11

I was going to make some snide comment that the Legion really doesn’t need particularly smart people to undertake its primary task of brutal colonial oppression, but then I realized that, quite honestly, we never see much oppression going on in Crock, just a lot of marching around the deserts nowhere near major population centers. I suppose the people locked up in hotboxes and/or the “bandits” and “spies” with which Crock’s crew occasionally skirmishes might be freedom fighters? But still, the point is that this company of soldiers seems to be doing nothing of value, at (despite Crock’s cost-containment measures) considerable expense to the French taxpayer. Bring the boys home!

Pluggers, 6/26/11

Note that the throwaway panel goes out of its way to establish that today’s protagonist is a proud patriot before showing us that he’s also a lazy bum. Why does Pluggers hate America?

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Beetle Bailey, 6/25/11

The unfunny absurdity of Sarge and Cookie angrily pelting each other with meatballs doesn’t even deserve comment; I am, however, mildly charmed by Beetle and Killer’s decision to really get into their roles as seconds in this duel and dress up in dueling-era Ye Olde Garbe. Also, have we ever really seen any kind of relationship between Killer and Cookie? This seemingly random selection of a second says a lot about the cook’s sad, friendless life.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/25/11

Pride’s still a sin, right? GOD CAN SEE YOUR THOUGHT BALLOONS, REV.

Apartment 3-G, 6/25/11

Oh, look, Margo waited a whole five minutes before mercilessly mocking Lu Ann’s beliefs! I’m pretty sure this is her version of being a good friend on Lu Ann’s birthday.

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As we head into lazy summer, do enjoy this comment of the week, won’t you?

“Anyone else feel bad for Lu Ann here? Look at that innocent smile in the second panel. She … actually thinks this person is psychic. This person could tell her she’s a mongoose and she’d believe it. I guess Margo and Tommie are being economical, since a real psychic would probably cost a bit more than some crazy woman in the middle of the woods somewhere, and because giving Lu Ann a mind reading would be like reading War and Peace, except all of the words have been replaced with adorable puppy pictures.” –Tophat

And the runners up, as well!

“Isn’t Archie a little old to still believe in the Yearbook Fairy?” –Doctor Handsome

“I love how Tommie feels compelled to demonstrate to Lu Ann how to ring a doorbell, even though she’ll probably speak into it or try to eat it anyway.” –Walker of Dog

“I’ve always tried to avoid using public restrooms, but now I’ll be even more reluctant to use them since I’ve learned Meddlin’ Mary lurks there. Now I’ll be terrified that she’ll suddenly pop her head over the stall door and say, ‘Sounds like you could use some more fiber in your diet, dearie.'” –Perky Bird

“Mary’s contemplative look in the second panel is telling. She’s thinking, ‘Do I go with the salmon-squares-for-lunch private meddle or the pool-party public humiliation meddle that possibly ends in tears and suicide? Or we can stay right here and start with a private meddle that becomes public when others walk in. But then she’ll only be shamed in front of women. Men need to see this. Damn it, Mary, stop overthinking it. Just go with it. Like you did in the old days.'” –Johnny Knuckles

“I like how Lu Ann appears to be visibly star-struck in the second panel, even grasping her chest (or she’s having a heart attack, either one is good).” –Alan’s Addiction

“I like the way Mary got herself refreshments, but nothing for Liza. ‘Hi, I’ll have a black coffee. Her? No, she’s just here to cry, thanks.'” –Ellie

“Poor Daddy. When he was little, he had to watch his favorite TV shows when they were actually on. Um, just like we’re doing now. No, I’m sorry, this material is just not acceptable, even for us.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“So just where are Jughaid’s parents anyway? He seems to be an orphan, unless ‘Aunt Loweezy’ and ‘Uncle Snuffy’ are just sly Hootin’ Hollar conventions winking at the fact that his parents are siblings.” –cheech wizard

Spider-Man: “Hahahahaha! I enjoyed your little joke. Now seriously, who’s actually a threat to your operations? Come on, I’m a busy hooded figure.” –Esther Blodgett

“Beyond Ms. Worth’s worthless (see what I did there?) pontificating, I’m more upset by the laughable perspectives going on with the coffee cups on the table. Mary’s is ROUND while Liza’s is ELLIPSOID. Artists could get away with this in Giotto’s time, but … I don’t know how to finish that sentence.” –Greg

“The true solution to the puzzle is FIRE U-BRAT. Obviously they are planting a ton of trees on a mountainside sloping down towards the city, and then setting a fire, using the slope to have the fire spread quickly and burn the city down with little warning to the people. Their picnic baskets will be full of roasted humans.” –John

“Hmm, let’s see: We have two partially-clothed bears engaged in a post-shrub planting conversation. I’d say the solution to this Jumble is: GROW OPIUM.” –Red Greenback

“The dippiness of the self-immolation in Funky Winkerbean is encouraging me to eat all the carbohydrates in my house.” –Katy

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