Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 9/3/11

“Also, I thought people with the ability to teleport instantly across dozens or hundreds of feet of space in mid-sentence were only in terrifying sci-fi thrillers!”

Lu Ann’s shocking discovery that not all porch swings were ritually burned by squads of fanatics in the Great Outdoor Seating Purge of ’68 might make some sort of sense if she were a Manhattan native, since the closest such a person would get to a porch swing would be a wobbly folding chair left out on the fire escape in violation of building safety codes. But since she’s actually from South Dakota, a state I assume to be lousy with porched houses, I find her surprise puzzling. Maybe it’s like when you hide a baby’s toy under a blanket and the baby thinks that it no longer exists? “I haven’t seen a porch swing in months, I assumed they got rid of all of them!”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/11

“It also looks like I got engaged to someone without ever asking anything about her parents! I suppose I probably should have tried to find out more about you instead of blathering about my book and my dead wife and my book about my dead wife, constantly.”

Post Content

Your comment of the week shortly, but, first a very important note from a faithful reader who (for obvious reasons) wishes to go nameless! I haven’t been covering Luann for a while, so you’ll have to trust me when I say that the long-simmering fight between Toni and Anne Eiffel for Brad’s squishy, passive love is proceeding apace! But what if it weren’t long-simmering? What if it were hot and fast and happening all at once? Wouldn’t you like Luann artist Greg Evans to draw that for you? Well, he has, on his blog. YOU’RE WELCOME EVERYBODY.

Aaaand now that you’re done contemplating that, why not contemplate the comment of the week?

“I don’t mean to get all legalistic, but Miranda warnings do not go with ‘today’s litigious society.’ What you really need is some joke combining ‘McDonald’s coffee’ and ‘poop.'” –Lawyerbob

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Seriously? A motor home? You can just do it right there in the barn, ya know. The horse ain’t gonna tell.” –Apeman

“That’s actually the North Beech diet, referring to a particular tree on Smith property. Its bark was Loweezy’s sole sustenance for three weeks. She lost 25 pounds and her upper lip, but then she switched to a sweetgum and packed it all back on.” –Walker of Dog

“Slylock picked the panda because the panda is totally okay with going six months without getting laid.” –commodorejohn

“Max Mouse is being viciously sexually harassed by that crab. Only the fish and seagull are horrified to see Max so mishandled; the dockworkers are indifferent, Slylock and his colleague are willfully unaware, the wolf and walrus are titillated, and the panda is too baked on eucalyptus to make his eyes converge on any one fixed point.” –A.E.F.

“Gramma Rose definitely has the high trousers fast talking routine down. What do you think about kids? What type of underwear are you wearing? Do you bathe in the nude? Who are you? Suppose to say I’m supposing. What do you mean by that! Well that’s just a fine set of crackers.” –Government Cheese

“Gasoline Alley: Where ugly people say pointless things. Forever.” –Lorne

“I really enjoy how far away Lois is from this man. ‘DITTO NEEDS SOME NEW SCHOOL CLOTHES! … NO, I SAID ‘DITTO’! MY SON! YES, HIS NAME IS DITTO! WHAT? I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY OVER HERE! DON’T COME ANY CLOSER! I’M MARRIED!!!'” –Austria

“I’m not sure if the hallway to Petey and MJ’s apartment is higher than their floor (and with no step down, to boot), or if the newspaper is levitating. No wonder MJ has to strike such an awkward pose just to approach the paper. Could this be the work of Forced Perspective Man? ‘Ha ha! I will use my incredible powers of bending time and space to provide minor inconveniences to Spider-Man so that he will whine himself to death! My plan is perfect!'” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

Oh and also there is this long and amazing comment from longtime reader/commenting hero Master Softheart, which is not the first comment of his that made me say, “Gee, I wish I had written that.”

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 9/2/11

Since we last met our heroic caped webbed crusader, beloved super-spouse MJ has decided to get in on the petulant whining that appears to be her husband’s main joy in life, taking as her theme the Bugle reporter whose refusal to condemn Spider-Man has led to a rather transparent spider-crush on Peter’s part. However, it appears that Serra (is this how the kids are spelling “Sarah” these days? ugh, I hate the future) has traded in her mild affection towards the superhero for journalistic glory; in panel two, we see that J. Jonah Jameson has given her bylines and photo credits at almost the same font size as the banner headline, and all she had to do was fall in line with the publication’s strident anti-Spider-Man stance.

Panel one is notable in that the artist actually takes seriously the notion that MJ is toddling around the apartment wearing spiked heels and skin-tight capri pants, and took the time contemplate how a person so dressed might bend down to pick something up off the floor. (The answer: very carefully.)

Crankshaft, 9/2/11

So, is … is that other lady all right? The one who got hit in the head, with the ball? Enh, never mind her, let’s all just bask smugly in some important lessons about sportsmanship.

Six Chix, 9/2/11

Ho ho, it appears that this woman’s mafioso lover has murdered each of her six husbands in turn! How delightfully droll! We can all relate to this hilHOLY CRAP THAT HAND ON HER SHOULDER ISN’T ATTACHED TO ANYTHING AHHH AHHH AHHH