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Jumble, 1/19/11

Cartoonists: I understand that there are good reasons for drawing your characters with four fingers instead of five, mostly because in the limited space you have available drawing too many fingers risks having none of those fingers be really visible. But if you’re going to go down that road, you absolutely must not depict your four-fingered characters as making distinctive hand gestures that generally rely on the full complement of digits — like, say, the devil horns/rock-n-roll symbol — or else you risk giving the impression that your characters are freakish claw-handed mutants.

Wizard of Id, 1/19/11

Since I’m not a gazillion years old, I haven’t been reading the Wizard of Id since its inception, but based on its title I assume it originally focused on the Wizard, only to see the narrative drift to more interesting characters (this being the Wizard of Id, the definition of “interesting” is fairly restricted) like the King and Sir Rodney and Bung, the drunk whose name I’m ashamed to be able to summon up without much effort. Anyway, in the last few months the strip seems to be spending a bit more time with its title character, giving us some background on him and introducing him to a new generation. Unfortunately, these tales involve kidnapping and, one assumes, sexual assault.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/18/10

Holy cow, you guys, I’ve been totally neglecting my duties to bring you the latest Rex Morgan storyline, mostly because it hasn’t even started out interesting, and we all know that the Rex Morgan problem is that Rex Morgan starts interesting and then gets boring, so who even knows how dull this is going to get. Anyway, to summarize briefly: Berna, Rex and June’s receptionist, won the lottery, and she insists that non-financial experts Rex and June manage her winnings. Today we learn why: she was once rich herself, heiress to a vast hardware store fortune, but all that money was swindled away by a MONEY MANAGER. This would be Berna’s superhero origin story, if being terrified of having all your money stolen by a financial planner were a superpower, which, for the record, it is not. Rex and June are so shocked by this shocking revelation that the blue goo that sloshes around the parts of their skull where ordinary humans keep their brains has started to leak out through their temples.

Mary Worth, 1/18/11

I have of course been giving you near-daily updates on Mary Worth, since it continues to be amazing. Today, after belching forth the language-like utterance “I’m glad because I feel the same!”, Scott, his eyes suddenly glowing orange, thrusts his simian face into Adrian’s personal space. Watch as she playfully/desperately attempts to keep him at a distance. Save it for the honeymoon, tiger!

Apartment 3-G, 1/18/11

Remember last year, when the Apartment 3-G drama was driven by Tommie’s anxiety over Lu Ann and Margo’s bickering? Well, I guess her newfound confidence has put an end to that. “Yawn! Borr-ing! Get back to me when you gals start pulling each other’s hair, OK?”

Shoe, 1/18/11

Meanwhile, the bird-men of Shoe are apparently peeing on each other, what the hell.

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Family Circus, 1/17/10

The leadership of the Keane Kompound can only be transferred when son defeats father in mortal combat, which explains why Billy is so wild-eyed with joy at the prospect of growing another few inches. “Watch out, Daddy! I’m gainin’ on you! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.”

Mary Worth, 1/17/10

“Sure, Scott, it’s great that we turned down Jill’s generous gift and are sticking with our original plans to honeymoon at some crappy local chain motel! And I love the fact that you find the occasion so low-key that you’re just wearing an old undershirt! When I burst into tears as we have our honeymoon dinner at Arby’s, it will be because I just love you so much!”

Blondie, 1/17/10

Dagwood cares more about fatty food and the people who serve it to him than he does about his own children, to the surprise of no one.