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Blondie, 11/12/23

You ever notice how most of the women in Blondie have pretty normal-looking eyes but most of them men have these inky black stretched out ovals that take up half the height of their skulls? Honestly, despite years of reading this strip, I really hadn’t, until they decided to do a whole Sunday strip where the premise is that Dagwood just had his pupils dilated at optometrist, and now it’s all I can think about — which, honestly, is more appealing to dwell on than “ho ho, Dagwood would certainly be horny, if he could see better,” so I’m not complaining.

Mary Worth, 11/12/23

Having been fortified by a Mary Worth pep talk, Keith has dug deep into his Marine training and is going to fight for a decent, meaningful relationship with Kitty and then his daughter, no matter how fraught these conversations get or how hard he has to tr– oh, wait, what’s this, he got halfway through his apology and then Kitty was like “Oh, sorry I was so mean, let’s have a decent, meaningful relationship going forward. My treat! We’ll have lunch and I’ll explain how you can make friends with our daughter. Don’t worry, it won’t be difficult.” Problem solved, everyone! Problem sovled.

Six Chix, 11/12/23

Actually, Tom, I think what they’d say is that it’s been thousands of years since the civilization of their Builders passed away and not once since have they been bedewed with sacrificial blood. They’re thirsty! So thirsty! They’re an ancient megalithic monument, so they definitely don’t know what TripAdvisor is, but they know what human blood tastes like and they miss it terribly.

Dustin, 11/12/23

I’m kind of burned out on raging against Dustin but I do want to point out that Dustin’s parents — or, I guess more accurately, the people who write the strip from Dustin’s parents’ point of view — think getting Doordash/Grubhub delivery involves calling somebody. Jokes on you, dummies! Kids today are even less motivated than you think!

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Pluggers and Hi and Lois, 11/11/23

Happy Veterans Day, everyone! Do you think the United States is on the verge an apocalyptic war for national survival that will require us to call old men back into military service in a last-ditch and almost certainly doomed effort to fight back the overwhelming force of the enemy? Probably not, right? But still, it’s fun to keep those guys on their toes by hinting that it might be necessary in syndicated newspaper comics, their favorite form of media.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/23

Speaking of grizzled war vets, Gil Thorp apparently fought in the U.S. Army Air Force against the Luftwaffe during World War II, which means that he’s some sort of ageless immortal, which in turn has a lot of implications for any number of Gil Thorp plots. Like his slo-mo ongoing divorce, for instance: sure, it’s painful, but it’s something he has to go through every few decades, before his current wife starts to notice that he looks exactly like he did the day they got married.

Blondie, 11/11/23

Dagwood’s rich parents made sure he never got drafted into World War I or any of the wars that followed it, so no, Blondie will not be acknowledging Veterans Day, thank you very much. Anyway, a big problem with this strip is that the joke is supposed to be that Dagwood is hearing people use “beef” metaphorically and it makes him hungry for an all-beef hamburger patty, but then one of the speakers on TV is named “Mr. Burgomaster,” which kind of implies he’s already watching some kind of burger-themed entertainment, which muddles things, I think. Another problem with it is that it disrespects the troops.

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It’s this week’s top comment, and it’s here for you to laugh at, and with:

“Otto will not be distracted: the grave has been dug, only one of them can have Sarge’s affection.” –Old Man Shadow

Your runners up? Also a delight:

“‘I wasn’t actually a spy, but I knew from experience that sometimes it’s better to tell an incriminating lie than the honest truth.’ –Thorvald the Treefucker, 873 CE” –jroggs

“Don’t worry, that flying sound was just Peter Pan. He’s coming through your window to steal your shadow, and there’s not a darn thing your parents can do about it. Well, sleep tight!” –BigTed

“Funny you mention our infamous cook, because guess who’s going into his pot tonight? Hint: it rhymes with woo.” –ectojazzmage

“I’m pretty sure the logical opposite of ‘it wasn’t Moe or Larry’ is ‘it was Moe AND Larry.’ Yes I, a professional computer scientist, have proved that this puzzle for children is internally inconsistent. No, I’m not proud of that.” –Stuart F

“I AM ONCE AGAIN WARNING REX MORGAN NOT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS BEING BORING” –matt w

“If you decide to depict a dog that walks on its hind legs, you should make all mammals in your comic strip bipedal. That way may lead to the Slylockverse, but at least it will add some visual interest to your work when you don’t have a joke for the day.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I know it’s dark out, Helga, but remember this is November and you’re in Scandinavia. It’s probably what, 2 p.m. right now?” –TheDiva

“Li’l Sparky’s attempt to score weed completely fails.” –nescio

“…it’s up to them. But not if feeling good starts to alleviate their physical ailments. My AMA buddies will have him shut down faster than you can sing ‘Muddy Boots’…” –But What Do I Know?

“First it was NCAA athletes being able, after a century of exploitation, to sign Name, Image and Likeness deals. Now every Gen-Zer with a social media account wants their own brand deal. The Army, always chronically struggling to fill its ranks, will soon have to adjust to the times.” –Philip

“‘Hoo boy, what a bunch of nonsense’ he says after sitting in front of the TV for thirty minutes. Loath as I am to admit it, Rex Morgan, M.D. understands the very current concept of ‘hate-watching.’” –Ettorre

“Hmm, sounds like Sarge is referring to the Peter Principle, though while that was framed as a flaw in a hierarchical system, here is seems to be an intentional strategy to maximize incompetency, presumably to ensure they never get deployed to an active warzone.” –pugfuggly

“Hi and Lois has discovered mid 2000s Office-style mugging to the audience, adjust expectations for the funny page’s rolling delay on pop culture awareness accordingly.” –Dan

“So, today’s Hi & Lois expects me to believe that, in 2023, A) A suburban middle-class family with four kids and two working, salaried parents would only have one car B) teenage boys are still all-in on the sideways baseball cap wave C) you need a license to borrow 20 dollars. I’d comment on Hi reading a physical newspaper but I’ve written enough as is.” –Irrischana

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