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Hey, kids, I was actually heroically updating my blog while traveling last week, which means that I didn’t do as thorough a job of reading all your comments as I could have. Does this mean that there were great gems that I missed? Almost certainly! Nevertheless, I give you your comment of the week, which I feel is pretty darn funny!

“Hey, Trail! You’re walking into an ambush where the Frank the would-be governor will push you off a cliff. Here, take this cell phone! Partly to show that this story wasn’t written in 1975, but mostly so you can call us as you plummet, because we’d all get a kick out of that.” –AndyL

The runners up are similarly gems!

“Frankly, I’m more concerned that Jeffy appears to have acquired a copy of the Necronomicon.” –Eric

“Yes, Jill, how can you say that Adrian is marrying below herself? That’s simply not possible.” –Violet

“Actually, Jeffy is about to make an intellectual breakthrough. First he’s noticed that diverse organisms have similarities and wondered at their relationship. Next he’ll try to classify them based on similar characters (Linnaean taxonomy). Eventually, he’ll realize the bedrock truth of Common Descent, and abandon that system for a more comprehensive way of describing the familial relationships of all the organisms of the Earth (cladistics). At that point, he’ll be burned at the stake. Keanes didn’t descend from no gotdammed monkehs.” –Great American Satan

“What is going on in the background of panel two? Are Mary, Jill, and Dr. Adrian having lunch at the 1939 Academy Awards?” –MWDG

“I started thinking about bird people and rest rooms and newspapers being everywhere and things went crazy-meta.” –Speck

“The characters in A3G change positions so much that I can’t help but think that they’ve become at least a bit self-aware of how little they actually do, and so they pace around in the hopes that if they move, the plot will, too.” –Hasty Penguin

“Notice the ambient debris field — a fedora, an actual newspaper (!), the zippered satchel. Also the narrow tie and basic black suit. Evidently Bil has been lying there since 1963.” –Uncle Ritzy Fritz

“If you ever make direct eye contact with a person while saying the words, ‘One day I’ll be your surgeon,’ your real future is as a homicidal sociopath. Someday, people will be dressing up like that kid for Halloween!” –Joe Blevins

“SO IT’S HOMELESS YOU WANT, DAVID? Then, um … I’ll separate your soul from the body it calls home? Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” –Dagger

“A3G: Could we please have just one small example of one ‘adventure,’ please? I’d like to know if we’re talking about ‘Last year, for six months, I shacked up with a sexy porter near Namche Bazaar’ or ‘Once, in San Francisco, I tried sushi.'” –Poteet

“‘That is scary.’ Muses Jeff. ‘That I could suffer this hellish life long enough for that kid to complete medical school.'” –bunivasal

“Why are you dressed in surgical scrubs? You specifically. I couldn’t give two fucks why the rest of you kids are dressed in specific costumes.” –captainswift

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Marvin, 11/1/10

Here is today’s Marvin! It is about how the title character, who is the world’s worst baby, takes pride in the fact that he sits around in his own mess, and thinks that anyone who takes the effort to control their various lower sphincters until they can dispose of their bodily wastes in a sanitary fashion is a sucker. Marvin disgusts me, if you can’t tell!

Shoe, 11/1/10

And yet my immediate thought when reading today’s Shoe was “Ha ha, that momma bird is exhausted because she spent the night barfing whatever greasy food she eats at Roz’s diner into her baby’s mouth! Yet the strip would never dare mention such a thing, despite its ostensible bird-based premise.” These contrasting reactions prove that I am hard to please, and also gross.

Marmaduke, 11/1/10

OH GOD HE HAS THE POWER OF FLIGHT NOW NONE OF US ARE SAFE

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Panels from Mary Worth, 10/31/10

After a lunch spent mostly insulting and undermining Adrian, Jill leaves for an appointment, but the Sunday throwaway panels thoughtfully give us a glimpse of her as she walks away. Curiously, as she leaves the restaurant, her face melts from the cruel mask she’s worn throughout this episode into the dead-eyed, plump-lipped look of vagueness more typical for women in this strip. Could it be that she’s been cast into the role of emotional abuser against her will? That the masochistic Adrian pays her for the public insults and cruelty to satisfy some sick urge that her “perfect” husband-to-be Scott can’t know about? And this has been going on for months or years? No wonder she looks so exhausted in that second panel.

Panel from Marvin, 10/31/10

Just about all comic strip text is done on computers these days, so the strangely smaller font on “little candy extortionists” is probably just a lazy way for the artist to cram the words into the space available instead of rewriting or redrawing. Still, it does give the impression that something’s been changed at the last minute, and I sincerely hope that this word balloon originally ended in two or three of the foulest cuss words you can imagine.

Crankshaft, 10/31/10

The most horrifying thing any inhabitant of the Funkyverse can see is of course a member of the medical profession, since they will be spending their last agonizing months of life in a hospital, and sooner rather than later.