Post Content

The Phantom, 10/8/23

The Phantom is a comic strip first launched in 1936 about a lineage of white guys who’ve lived in Africa for hundreds of years and convinced the superstitious locals that they’ve been one immortal ghost that whole time, and while it’s made some good faith efforts of the years to get with the times, it’s not always what you might call “woke.” Like, for instance, it was a pretty big deal, back in the dark ages of 2008, when a waitress and a lady cop quit their jobs to join the Jungle Patrol, a formerly all-male paramilitary force that doesn’t believe in spirits but does take orders from a mysterious “Unknown Commander,” who happens to also be the Phantom. Anyway, it’s been 15 years now, so surely having female Jungle Patrollers is routine and acknowledged as helping create a stronger and more effective fighting force, right? Well, sure, until we get an appearance from a handsome fella like John X — who, to be clear, is once again, the Phantom, although he originally assumed that identity when he had some light amnesia. Anyway, he’s here now, he’s hot as hell, and he’s destroying unit cohesion because all the gals want to fuck him.

Beetle Bailey, 10/8/23

Beetle Bailey loves to add new characters to keep up with the “trends,” whether those trends are rock and roll music (Rocky) or the military being racially integrated (Lt. Flap), but I don’t think we’ve gotten a new one since Spc. Chip Gizmo arrived in 2002 as an admission that this “computer” stuff was here to stay. Anyway, now it’s 2023, and I’m not sure what it says about our current age that Beetle Bailey has decided to introduce a lovable child soldier character, but it can’t be good.

Curtis, 10/8/23

Barry has always been depicted as the smart one in this strip, but today achieves new stature as a prophet of the LORD, letting his family know that verily, all is vanity, we are all dust and to dust we shall return, and our brief time on this world mainly serves to amuse our Creator.

Post Content

Blondie, 10/7/23

As a rule, I try to keep my contact with young people to an absolute minimum, so maybe I’m wrong, but it’s not really normal for a kid to wander around the neighborhood in full football getup, helmet and pads and ball included, right? I mean, it’s the year 2023, children are hypersupervised and they don’t wander around the neighborhood and talk to non-relative adults period, so I guess we have to understand that this strip just takes place in a world of visual signification that gives us information about the characters and setting but isn’t meant to be interpreted literally. Like, for instance, it’s important that we know that Elmo is on the team, so this whole discourse is really more self-loathing than insulting.

Dennis the Menace, 10/7/23

You know, I often make fun of Dennis not being menacing, or claim that he’s being menacing in ways that aren’t the intended reading of the text, but today’s panel is just Dennis being a mean little shit to his long-suffering neighbor and I’m here for it. Not sure what scenario I like better: that Dennis walked into the Wilsons’ house already holding that plate and chewing on cake, smacking his lips and talking about how delicious it is, or if he wheedled Mrs. Wilson into making it for him and has spent the last half hour watching Mr. Wilson squirm.

Hi and Lois, 10/7/23

Man, look how happy Thirsty is! It’s fun and cool to go through life as a perpetually buzzed liar, and Hi looks sad because he knows he doesn’t have the guts to do it.

Post Content

Folks! It’s Friday and here’s your COTW!

“Rex isn’t shocked; he’s incredulous. He thinks he can Barney Google his way out of having to appear in his eponymous strip, but the plot keeps finding him.” –Vice President John Adams

And your hilarious runners up!

“Anyone else alarmed by Mary’s ‘People have often praised it over the years’? I’m thinking the next line might be ‘The others are dead.’” –Ken

“Chip’s alleged teenager tendencies have always been a few decades behind, so it’s actually quite a bit refreshing to see that he’s become an Orioles bandwagoner.” –jroggs

“Anyway I like to think that ‘Be curious, not judgmental’ is telling Keith how to react to the tuna casserole.” –matt w

“You bastards. You had to remind me of one of my favorite candy bars that’s no longer available, at least in the United States. ‘Great dinner, honey! What’s for dessert? I sure could go for a delicious Oh Henry! bar right about now!’ [Glares at everyone in angry silence]” –Peanut Gallery

“How long can Mary stand on tip-toes to peer over Keith’s shoulder? This is where her exercise routine pays off.” –Midtown

“First Keith shows up looking like beefy Aldo. Now he’s doing Wilbur’s heretofore-unknown-adult-child plot. Is he just going to speedrun through being the whole of Mary Worth history, showing everyone at Charterstone what their lives could have been like if they’d just hit the gym a little? (Basically the same but Mary has a harder time dominating the panel.)” –Dan

“Actually, Loretta, for your information, I just infiltrated a high school by posing as a student like in 21 Jump Street. On a related note, it didn’t work, and I’d brace myself for the police that are about to knock our door down.” –ectojazzmage

“I believe otherwise and, I can paint a fuller picture for you. Can I COME IN? Just help me with this full-sized easel, and this rolling cart filled with my oils and acrylics—here, you! Old lady! Carry this collection of brushes and don’t mash them—those are my expensive Japanese—okay, put the baking dish down first. What the hell is that, anyway? It smells like my cat’s canned tuna. Gak! Okay, set it up over by the window. Don’t you even have a northern exposure in this dump? Now, ‘Dad,’ you sit in the chair and fold your hands on your lap … tilt your head up just a little … turn your head a bit more to the left — there! Now, just hold that position while I paint a fulle picture for you. You can see by my canvas that I’ve already painted myself into this piece. It’s a family portrait and I call it ‘Fool Me Once.’” –Charterstoned

“The problem with learning is that it never stops. Unlike, say, our teacher’s body, which appears to end at the bottom of the chalk board. Stupid school board cutbacks.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I like your sense of humour! Puns so tame they go by almost unnoticed are really my jam. Speaking of jam, is it possible to make the food without any flavour whatsoever?” –pugfuggly

“I still have CDs and only got rid of my flip phone a couple of years ago — I’m lucky if I can get adults interested in talking to me.” –Pozzo

“Why has Susan’s face abruptly gone all gratified devious grinch in the final panel? Did the coworker’s story suggest some promising potential refinements to her plan to steal Halloween?” –Violet

“The murderer in Curtis shows up at the door: ‘I’ve got an Ice to Pikk with you! Wait, that didn’t sound right, let me try again. You’ve Pikked the wrong guy to have messed with! No … that’s not really that great, wait! I got it! You can Pikk your friends but you can’t Pikk your…’ [door slams in his face]” –The Rambling Otter

“Well, the good thing is they only have what, two or three outfits each? Packing all their clothes should take five minutes, maybe less.” –Jason1981

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!