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Apartment 3-G, 11/19/10

This is something like day six of Tommie’s new concert piano being the source of Apartment 3-G’s drama without said piano actually appearing, and I’m beginning to think that the strip’s artist (who, remember, is not the same person at the strip’s writer) is unwilling or unable to draw one and desperately hoping that the story’s focus will shift to something more up his alley. “The doorbell’s ringing! Maybe it’ll be a handsome sandy-haired man wearing a suit jacket and no tie!”

Blondie, 11/19/10

I think we all pretty much assumed that Dagwood’s porn preferences would include something delicious and edible, but even I didn’t anticipate anything quite this unsettlingly depraved.

Gil Thorp, 11/19/10

“Hey, don’t worry, beardy third-string coach nobody cares about! Coach Kaz’ll keep ’em focused! With my windswept hairdo and totally rad and extreme Ray-Ban sunglasses, these kids know I’m cool — and they’ll respect me because of it!”

Ziggy, 11/19/10

Wow, Ziggy sure is on a tear of stiffing waiters on tips. I’m not sure what ethnicity this guy is supposed to be so that we can make a culturally specific joke about how he’s going to assault Ziggy for his cheapness. Is he French? Do they serve meatloaf at French restaurants?

Shoe, 11/19/10

OH GOD DON’T THINK ABOUT WHY THE MORTICIAN IS A VULTURE DON’T THINK ABOUT IT

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Luann, 11/18/10

I’m a little embarrassed by how much I’ve enjoyed watching Dirk act like a mature (albeit mildly smug) adult while Brad shrieks incoherent threats at him like a furious child over the past few days. As we all know, Dirk can credit his newfound unflappability to Jesus, which makes his gnomic pronouncement in panel one somewhat intriguing. Is the Rapture coming? Has Dirk got advanced notice of the Rapture? Will we be allowed the joy of watching Dirk float triumphantly up to heaven, while Brad’s beady little eyes stare uncomprehending at his ascension?

Dick Tracy, 11/18/10

Good lord, Dick’s spent so much time in the company of hobos, and a significantly larger number of people pretending to be hobos for various incomprehensible reasons, that he’s forgotten the rule of law that he’s sworn to protect. Fortunately, America’s greatest arbiter of morality, Young Richard Nixon, is there to give him a refresher course on right and wrong.

Family Circus, 11/18/10

There’s something undeniably hilarious about the insouciant way little Jeffy is lying on the bed, propping up his head oh-so-casually, just waiting to deliver the punchline that will make his grandmother feel like a jerk for trying to spend time with him. It’s OK, Grandma! You can’t make yourself like him, and you don’t have to try! Don’t you have some friends your own age you can hang out with?

Ziggy, 11/18/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because Asians are good at martial arts! Also, Ziggy is going to be brutalized by his waiter.

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Spider-Man, 11/17/10

You know, I mock the Spider-Man comic strip for its determined avoidance of superheroics, but to be honest there really are few things I find duller than superheroes and supervillains battling with one other. Spider-Man is still irritating because its title character is so relentlessly unlikable, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy some of the non-Spidey-centered action. I’m really digging the Mole Man-Aunt May romance, for instance, and am particularly pleased that MJ is being put in her place for not recognizing the particular purpose each of these hideously garish gems will play in the complex and beautiful aged crone/underground monarch mating dance.

Mark Trail, 11/17/10

Oh my God: it’s Mark Trail, Undercover Fisherman! Deep in your heart, you know that everything you’ve experienced in your life so far has been leading up to this one beautiful moment.