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Mary Worth, 11/5/10

Oh, no, Mary’s made a terrible mistake! By encouraging Adrian to “think for herself” and “follow her heart” when it comes to dealing with some mean lady person, she’s given her the impression that these are things she should do in all situations — even when the person who’s telling her to do things she doesn’t want to do is her future husband! Obviously there should be no back-talk to Scott. “It doesn’t matter where you go! You’ll have each other! Just have dinner at the Bum Boat with two appetizers, then go to the La Quinta Inn out on State Route 29 for a night of romance and a delicious complimentary breakfast buffet the next morning! That totally counts as a honeymoon! Now put all these non-Scott-approved thoughts of ‘faraway, exotic places’ out of your mind.”

Gil Thorp, 11/5/10

You know, usually Gil Thorp spends weeks gleefully implying something scandalous is going on and when the “something” is finally revealed it turns out to be totally bonkers and unrealistic and hilarious. That’s why, though I’d be amused if any other soap strip featured rampant marijuana dealing down at the park, I actually feel a little betrayed here. That’s it? Earnest foster kid mixed up with guys selling America’s lowest-grade illegal drug? BO-RING! Get back to me when he whacks himself in the back of the head, OK?

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Beetle Bailey, 11/4/10

The art in Beetle Bailey isn’t really “good” per se, but sometimes the characters’ faces are quite expressive in their stylized way. Today, Sarge in particular has this look of resignation slowly sliding into soul-wearing sadness, presumably due to his terribly fraught relationship with food, and I actually find it quite poignant. “Don’t mind me, I’m just going to sit here at my desk joylessly eating these indeterminate brown disks that have been sitting in my desk drawer for four hours, cramming them down my maw as I stare off into space, dying inside. See you in a few minutes! I hate myself!”

Family Circus, 11/4/10

On the other hand, the thought of Jeffy lying on the living room floor weeping ceaselessly while his mother talks on the phone and ignores him is something I find utterly hilarious.

Spider-Man, 11/4/10

Oh my goodness, Spider-Man is engaged in super-powered combat! Or at least he was, briefly, before being disabled by a swift whack to the thigh with a largish stick. “OWWW” indeed! Our hero has previously been brought low by some dude with a club, a butler with a lead pipe, and a brick, but all of those adversaries allowed him the dignity of swiftly disabling him by attacking him from behind. Mole Man, by contrast, just walked up to him and hit him in the leg. The Amazing Spider-Man!

Apartment 3-G, 11/4/10

Jokes on you, crazy taser lady! As was mentioned in passing six years ago and never explained since, the Apartment 3-G girls own your building, so you’ve just confessed your lease violation to your landlord! Tommie’s too wimpy to do anything about it, but she’s also incapable of keeping a secret from Margo — as soon as Margo makes eye contact with her, she’ll blurt out “CAT! MRS. BLOOM HAS A CAT!” — so you’d best take Prissy to Florida with you if you don’t want to find your furniture crushed into a cube and left on the curb when you get back.

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Archie, 11/3/10

So I think it’s important that we start asking ourselves what the deal is with Jughead and the homunculi. We all know that he keeps a tiny version of Archie, with its hands gruesomely removed, in his locker. Now we can see that a similarly stump-handed model of Jughead himself sits smiling on his bookshelf. Are these tiny figurines intended to represent the souls of Jughead and Archie? Does Jughead use them to manipulate their relationship, through ominous voodoo rituals? These are the sorts of questions that should be the root of the panic we see in Archie’s eyes in the final panel, but he appears to be more shocked that Jughead is working himself up into a frenzy by looking at hamburger porn on his laptop, when this ought not to come as a surprise to anybody.

Apartment 3-G, 11/3/10

Oh look, it’s Mrs. Bloom, aka the beloved crazy taser lady of six or eight storylines ago. Mrs. Bloom is excited about visiting her son in Florida, except she worries that she won’t be able to sneak her taser, which she’s nicknamed “Prissy,” onto the plane.

Beetle Bailey, 11/3/10

It appears that the Halftrack-bot needs a visit from the repair shop, because it’s disabled itself by humping the corner of its desk too vigorously.

Jumble, 11/3/10

As ever, I’m too lazy/dumb to actually do the Jumble, but I note that “IT’S ‘POISON'” fits nicely into the blanks of the answer and into the scene in the comic panel. Look at the ostentatiously casual way the waitress is checking out that customer out of the corner of her eye. Ha ha, that’s what you get for never leaving a tip, buddy!