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The Lockhorns, 1/16/26

I accept that, for narrative convenience, sometimes the Lockhorns need to passive-aggressively try to destroy each other emotionally with some silent stranger there for one of them to rhetorically address. However, in this scenario, Leroy appears to be standing on a yoga mat wearing workout gear and Loretta is standing within earshot in street clothes, which makes it difficult to parse where this void might be situated so that those two facts dovetail with the possibility of some random person wandering by in order for Loretta to quip at her for Leroy’s benefit. You have to assume that Loretta got tired of just walking around the house with that first aid kit and demanded that Leroy accompany her to the sidewalk in front of their house so that they could involve a nonconsenting third party in their kink.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/16/26

A fun fact is that the unique physical features of a golf course as we know them actually mirror the landscape of the game’s birth in coastal Scotland: long stretches of flatland or gentle hills with low grass and very few trees, dotted by occasional ponds and sand-filled hollows dug out by sheep for protection against the wind. Another fun fact is that during the Viking Age Norse warriors carved out an separate kingdom along the coast of Scotland and the nearby islands that lasted for centuries. So I declare this Hagar the Horrible mostly historically accurate, for once! If you ever wonder why Vikings were so eager to sail outward to conquer new lands, just think about the fact that coastal Scotland was their equivalent to Cancun.

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Dustin, 1/15/26

Remember Dustin’s dad from the comic strip Dustin, who’s notoriously kind of an asshole? Well, it turns out he’s also an alcoholic.

Dennis the Menace, 1/15/26

Remember Dennis Mitchell from the comic strip Dennis the Menace, who’s notoriously kind of an asshole? Well, it turns out he was a little too much of an asshole and some other kid punched him in the face. (I’m positing that it’s another kid for this post’s purposes because otherwise my joke is significantly less funny. Well, I guess the strip’s joke is significantly less funny too, but that’s their problem.)

Pluggers, 1/15/26

Remember pluggers, the aging lower-middle-class man-beasts from the comic strip Pluggers, who notoriously are in less than robust health? Well, it turns out they’re falling asleep on the toilet in the middle of the night, which probably isn’t a great sign of how things are going for them.

B.C., 1/15/26

Remember the ant couple in B.C.? Probably not, there’s nothing really notorious about them. I guess you could say they were notoriously like a normal middle-class couple with kids except they were ants. Anyway, they got divorced, and then the husband was killed by an anteater immediately afterwards. RIP male half of the B.C. ant couple, 1958 (?)-2026, you taught me that it was OK to be weird.

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Beetle Bailey, 1/14/26

I feel like if you have an elderly authority figure looking startled and somewhat confused and shouting “Take some notes!” and then immediately afterwards passing out, and his subordinates are gleeful about it because it means they don’t have to do work, that’s a little less “Ha, this is a zany situation” and a little more elder abuse. It’s sadly not that unheard of for a powerful but ailing person’s staff to basically puppet them for an extended period of time, and it’s all fun and games until, in this case, the area of the United States protected by Camp Swampy is invaded by enemy forces and no competent general officer is present to coordinate defensive operations.

Mary Worth, 1/14/26

I’m not sure how old Ian is supposed to be so I guess I won’t call this “elder abuse” per se but it’s clear that his mind has been broken by Toby and Sunny. Look at his sleepy, dopey smile as Sunny cackles evilly literally inches in front of his face! This is some real “He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother” shit right here, only with a parrot.

Shoe, 1/14/26

To me, one of the most depressing things about the Perfesser and Skyler’s home is that there’s exactly one place to sit in their living room, which tells us volumes about the relationship between the uncle and his barely tolerated nephew/ward. Today we see that even when they eat out together, the Perfesser insists on sitting as far away from his nephew as possible.

Luann, 1/14/26

When I started commenting on Luann again, did I know things were going to end up less than a year later with Luann getting propositioned to go fuck over by the dumpsters? No, of course not. Obviously not. Different choices would’ve been made had I known, I’ll tell you that much.