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Marvin, 11/1/10

Here is today’s Marvin! It is about how the title character, who is the world’s worst baby, takes pride in the fact that he sits around in his own mess, and thinks that anyone who takes the effort to control their various lower sphincters until they can dispose of their bodily wastes in a sanitary fashion is a sucker. Marvin disgusts me, if you can’t tell!

Shoe, 11/1/10

And yet my immediate thought when reading today’s Shoe was “Ha ha, that momma bird is exhausted because she spent the night barfing whatever greasy food she eats at Roz’s diner into her baby’s mouth! Yet the strip would never dare mention such a thing, despite its ostensible bird-based premise.” These contrasting reactions prove that I am hard to please, and also gross.

Marmaduke, 11/1/10

OH GOD HE HAS THE POWER OF FLIGHT NOW NONE OF US ARE SAFE

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Panels from Mary Worth, 10/31/10

After a lunch spent mostly insulting and undermining Adrian, Jill leaves for an appointment, but the Sunday throwaway panels thoughtfully give us a glimpse of her as she walks away. Curiously, as she leaves the restaurant, her face melts from the cruel mask she’s worn throughout this episode into the dead-eyed, plump-lipped look of vagueness more typical for women in this strip. Could it be that she’s been cast into the role of emotional abuser against her will? That the masochistic Adrian pays her for the public insults and cruelty to satisfy some sick urge that her “perfect” husband-to-be Scott can’t know about? And this has been going on for months or years? No wonder she looks so exhausted in that second panel.

Panel from Marvin, 10/31/10

Just about all comic strip text is done on computers these days, so the strangely smaller font on “little candy extortionists” is probably just a lazy way for the artist to cram the words into the space available instead of rewriting or redrawing. Still, it does give the impression that something’s been changed at the last minute, and I sincerely hope that this word balloon originally ended in two or three of the foulest cuss words you can imagine.

Crankshaft, 10/31/10

The most horrifying thing any inhabitant of the Funkyverse can see is of course a member of the medical profession, since they will be spending their last agonizing months of life in a hospital, and sooner rather than later.

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Gil Thorp, 10/30/10

The Mystery Of What Exactly Cody Exner Is Doing Down At The Park is temporarily on hold, because at last we’re going to get a solution to another mystery, one that’s been brewing ever since Jamaar “The Ghost” Gaddis appeared in the strip a year or two ago, namely The Mystery Of Why Jamaar Is Such A Dick. Turns out it’s because he’s consumed with rage against the cruel God who made him such a wee fellow! But both mysteries may be dovetailing together with the image of a sweaty, crazy-eyed Cody in panel three. Perhaps Cody has been stealing away to the park to conduct his secretive experiments in mad science, and he’s in ecstasy now that he realizes that he’s finally found a willing subject for injection with his dangerous, untested embigiffication serum.

Dick Tracy, 10/30/10

So it seems that David Dierdorf D’Buckworth took on the life of a fake hobo who hands out huge sums of money because he couldn’t stand his wife. Which totally makes sense! Women, am I right, fellas? Can’t live with ’em, so you might as well pretend to be homeless! Haw haw! Anyway, now she’s going to shoot him in the face.

Slylock Fox, 10/30/10

Hey, kids, remember, have a safe Halloween! Always go out in groups! Stick close with your family! And be sure to pop unexpectedly out of a jack-o-lantern, with eyes the size of dinner plates, waving a knife around and gibbering like a maniac, which should go over well with everybody.