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Your comments of the week coming shortly, but first, the inevitable items! The first, and most unsettling, comes from faithful reader Thomas Treasure. Did you know that, in the early ’50s, you could purchase a real honest-to-God radioactive Atomic Energy Lab for your kids? And that the possible benefits of the new atomic science were extolled by major comics characters in an accompanying comic book, Dagwood Splits the Atom? Thomas nicely encapsulates why I find the concept of a nuclear-armed Bumstead clan so disturbing:

Kim Jong-Il is the devil we know. Communist, egomaniac, loves him some opera. Dagwood Bumstead, we’ve had an open line to his everyday life for more than 75 years, but we still only know the most superficial things about him. So many questions remain: Why does he still wear a tuxedo when he’s poor and has been cut off by his wealthy family for so long that all of his original tuxedos surely must have worn out? Why doesn’t Blondie Boopadoop Bumstead still dress like a “flapper”? Who’s the narrator who knows so much about Dagwood in this gem, and can he answer these questions for us?

Then there’s this charming photo from faithful reader rocketbride:

“Although Margo would never be caught dead caring for the youth of others,” rocketbride says, “she might seize on the opportunity to impart her wisdom in managing conflict for gain. Also, note the mood ring: dead black.”

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“So Maggot is raising his son in a French Foreign Legion outpost in the blistering desert of North Africa, and the kid wears a down parka? Is anyone even trying?” –gnemec

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Is it possible that we’re simply reading Apartment 3-G wrong and what seems to be a little flirting over mutant avocado mangoes is actually the cover code-conversation of Resistance operatives in an occupied nation during World War II? Note how careful Aristotle and Gabriella are to keep their eyes on everything in the world other than each other. They know if they’re caught there’s no hope for the raid on Navarone.” –Chip Whittle

“At first, I thought the joke in Crankshaft was about bus drivers committing theft. It’s actually about bus drivers inflicting property damage. I totally get it now.” –littlefox

“Future nurses? Ha! Nobody in Westview has a future.” –Ed Dravecky

“Today’s Marvin got me so hopeful that an extraterrestrial might abduct Marvin and rid him from our lives. Then I realized that they would return him immediately after the disgusting results of the anal probe.” –Sister Sestina

“Dr. Jeff should have a idea balloon above his head: ‘MAYBE IF I LEAVE MY GREEN DINNER JACKET WITH SCOTT HE WILL REWARD ME WITH PICS OF HIS PAPPY WHEN HE WAKES UP.'” –mr 12 oz can

“Despite years of idiot man-child blundering against foes who are usually much better-equipped (and usually smarter) than him, Mark always comes out ahead. However, if they all share the common inability to distinguish ‘unconscious’ from ‘dead,’ we may be on to something. Besides an inability to know when Mark is permanently down, it’s possible these villains have an innate fear of sleep, confusing it with death. This naturally wears down their reserves so that Mark only has to stay alive a few weeks before his enemies simply drop from exhaustion. It’s possible he doesn’t even have to hit them very hard to achieve the effect.” –Alan’s Addiction

“The official Pluggers P.O. Box is closing. I shudder to think what exactly the unofficial Pluggers P.O. Box was.” –Rob

“We all know he’s just going to pray for him, or ask him to get well for Adrian’s sake, or, most cloying and therefore most likely, give Detective Scott his consent to marry his daughter. And, of course, this will instantly cure him, because nothing brings someone out of a coma like nausea.” –Helena Handbasket

“Pluggers grew up in a food chain shot through and through with strontium-90, which explains a lot about pluggers’ considerable genetic irregularities.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Pluggers remember when BM stood for Bowel Movement … and they remember how they weren’t always a half hour long.” –PeteMoss

“I think the simplest explanation for Dr. Jeff heading back in to the room is that he just wanted to take a couple of hits off of the morphine drip so that he could face lunch with Mary and his daughter.” –Saluki

“What’s Gil doing with his hand in panel 2? The only reasonable explanation I can think of is that he’s indicating Murph Wolman’s height, but if his hand is at 5’9”, Gil is a good seven feet tall. Then again, since Murph’s heart is apparently 5’2” and about 170 pounds, I guess anything’s possible.” –Steve S

“A bolded, different font, all-caps adjustment is the only way characters in Mark! Trail! can communicate genuine excitation or emotion anymore. I can’t wait until one of these poachers is eaten by an alligator and the only way the letterer is going to be able to communicate a genuine scream will be to insert a gift-card-style sound chip into every newspaper in America.” –Black Drazon

“Sideburns Guy isn’t asking if Mark is a ‘wildlife’ man (as in one who is an expert on nature). He’s asking if he’s a ‘wild-life’ man (as in one who lives a very wild life). Perhaps he’s thinking that a guy who could escape a gator devouring might well be the sort of dude he’d want to party with. That would be an interesting turn of events, as partying with Mark and family would be a far harsher punishment than whatever the law would hand down for poaching.” –Digger

“In the last panel Hi and Lois display the blissed out smile that can only be achieved through a perfect combination of denial and pharmaceuticals.” –NoahSnark

“Mark’s worn that blazing pink shirt in Sunday matinees before. All his other khakis from the week are dirty or pungent or have lost their sharply pressed creases, so on Sundays Mark wears the shirt Cherry washed with a load of her own shirts and hysteria.” –True Fable

“Would you like me to follow your every movement? With my penis?” –commodorejohn

“ALL animals are murderers, but only the shrike does it with pizazz.” –tb4000

Three cheers for everyone who put cash into my tip jar! And cheers also to my advertisers:

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Slylock Fox, 10/19/09

One of the things I like about Slylock Fox is the wealth of odd details that make it easy and fun to build the sort of counternarratives that are more or less my stock in trade. For instance, this may seem like just another bit of campground petty theft, but think about it for a minute: why, exactly, is this multi-species collection of critters out in the middle of the blasted wilderness with all their money, staying in a series of makeshift tents, not dressed properly for the weather? My guess: they were called out to this desolate spot by charismatic cult leader Reeky Rat, who promised that they would be taken up to the Great Sky City by the emissary of the Heavenly Aeon in a crystal Cloud-Ship, for which they would have to buy a ticket. If Reeky’s nephew Rodney had merely claimed to be collecting fares for the Sky-Journey, Slylock’s fancy ratiocination would be useless, as his mundane logic can tell you nothing about such higher matters.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/19/09

Hey, remember like a kajillion years ago when there was this Rex Morgan storyline where Pete the Chauffeur was supposed to be good, and then he turned out to be bad, because, I don’t know, it moved the plot along? Well, I’m sort of hoping that’s what’s about to happen here, because lord knows this is a plot that I very much want moved along. Tim’s line in the second panel is probably supposed to be a clumsy pass of the “If you were my wife, I’d love you so much that I’d hire ninjas to follow you everywhere! You’d never have a moment out of my control!” variety, but it would be more exciting if it were leading into “Pete ought to keep better track of you … because now he’ll have to pay a hefty ransom if he ever wants to see you alive again! MOO HA HA HA!”

Barring that, maybe it will be the first thing and Becka and Tim will just fall into an adulterous affair and forget all about his demented mother, who will settle into a wacky sitcom-style lifestyle with the golf pro and the punk rocker. “Hey, old man, I know you’re senile, but could you at least remember to light a match after you stink up the bathroom? This trailer isn’t that big!” “Are you ready for your golf lesson?” “I’m hungry! When are you going to feed us?” [CANNED LAUGHTER]

Lockhorns, 10/19/09

Some of the most unsettling Lockhorns installments are those where the title couple’s trademarked ennui-deadened hate is turned outward, rather than at each other. What, exactly, are Leroy and Loretta doing here? Clicking from link to link, noting the lies and falsehoods, both wearing a heavy-lidded expression that shows that they expected no better from this fallen world? That sad thing is that this may be the most romantic Lockhorns ever, if we accept “sharing an activity” as falling loosely into the “romance” category.

Marvin, 10/19/09

Ha ha, Marvin, wait until you find out that Ms. Landers will no longer be permitting you to spend the day sitting in your own putrefying feces! “What, we can’t shit in our pants anymore? Does she think this is Buckingham Palace or something?”

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Mark Trail, 10/18/09

Here’s another entry for your “Mark Trail: social misfit or sociopath?” file. It’s true that the ways of nature are not that of man, etc., but Mark seems a little too pleased to explain to us the gruesome nature of the Shrike’s feeding methods, and provides an extra-large panel to show its grisly trophy room of victims. We’re supposed to believe that this tiny feathered monster is too weak to hold onto a bug and chew at the same time, but still has the strength to impale that possibly still breathing mouse onto some nearby branch? Killing is apparently only the beginning of its monstrous joys.

Note that in the final panel, Mark claims to know the name that the northern shrike’s terrified prey use for their tormentor. How does he know what goes on in these woodland creatures’ minds? Do his advanced woodsman techniques extend to inter-species telepathy? Does he hear their cries for mercy, and smile?

Hi and Lois, 10/18/09

The most puzzling and amusing aspect of this cartoon is Ditto’s look of numb horror in the final panel. Everyone else has endured Dot’s shrill diatribe and discovered that removing their butts from the couch and stepping out onto the sidewalk actually has some positive aspects. But Ditto apparently has wholly merged with exuburbia and finds this “walking” notion abhorrent. “Ugh, my legs … carrying my torso from place to place … no in-car DVD player providing entertainment during my journey? Why, God, why?”

Crock, 10/18/09

As always, it’s best to ignore the ostensible humor content of Crock, but this cartoon does cause one to wonder why (and how) Maggot has come to be standing in a circular hole several feet deep and an inch or so wider in diameter than his waist. Is Maggot actually some sort of human-prairie dog hybrid? It would explain his odd body shape, and his hairiness.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 10/18/09

Apartment 3-G sundays are generally just boring recaps of the previous week’s action, but you do sometimes get gems like this. Ha ha, Bobbie is enraged because she can’t get her pills! @!!*# it, she wants some mother@!!*#ing pills, you @!!*#faces!