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Hi and Lois, 3/26/23

Hi, you are … 45 years old, tops? You are probably never going to become a famous guitar player but you absolutely can still write a novel and, since the main barrier stopping most people from travelling around the world is money, as a comfortably middle-class adult you are probably closer to achieving that dream than you’ve ever been in your life. Are you … are you dying, Hi? Are you dying soon? Is this your way of softening the blow when you tell Lois that she’s about to be widowed?

Beetle Bailey, 3/26/23

I’m sorry, I didn’t speak up loudly enough years back when Beetle Bailey eased into its ongoing “Beetle and Miss Buxley are dating, by the way,” thing, and I strongly feel like I have to nip this in the bud. The whole point of the dynamic between Sargents Snorkel and Lugg is that she’s into him and it’s not reciprocated. I don’t care what headcanon you have about it — that he’s gay and secretly in love with Beetle, or that he’s asexual, or that he’s straight and interested in a relationship in general but simply doesn’t have romantic feelings for her — but doing a whole strip where Sarge really puts forth a lot of effort to be appealing on a date with her is a direct affront to every longtime Beetle Bailey reader.

Family Circus, 3/26/23

Jeffy is definitely puking his guts out all over the bed, right? That’s the joke here? That Billy got distracted and now Jeffy is plastering their room with barf?

Six Chix, 3/26/23

It’s springtime, everyone! Thought about beautifying your home by tearing a family apart lately?

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Gasoline Alley, 3/25/23

Not that there’s much by way of competition, but Ida Knoe, the evil talking doll who can travel through time, is now officially my favorite character in the century-long history of Gasoline Alley. Today’s strip, in which she taunts these children into dangerous meddling in the timestream, really seals the deal. “What’s a matter, are you guys babies? Are you worried that you’re accidentally going to make Hitler president or make your parents mad? Don’t be chicken!”

Judge Parker, 3/25/23

Meanwhile, back in NYC, Sophie and Reena are getting into the latest big city fad, which is ordering pizza with nothing on it. No cheese, no sauce, no nothing, just a flat triangle of baked dough. “These kids today, they’re … they’re pure nihilists,” said the Village Voice’s food critic, sweating openly. “They don’t believe in anything anymore.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/25/23

Look, you might make fun of the inhabitants in Hootin’ Holler as “financially illiterate bumpkins,” but Snuffy just invented a new kind of lottery-based financial derivative, so maybe you need to start giving them some credit.

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Some sad news for folks who are longtime fans of Mary Worth (which, I assume, is all of you): Joe Giella, who was the strip’s artist for more than 20 years before he retired in 2016, passed away this week at the age of 94. A lot of people out there remember his lifetime of work in superhero comics, but we Curmudgeons know that Mary Worth is his greatest legacy. His successor June Brigman posted this heartfelt note on her Facebook:

Cartoonist and friend of the blog David Willis posted a long Twitter thread of his favorite Giella Mary Worth panels and I really do urge you to go through it, some truly delightful stuff here. He will be missed but it’s also great that he got to enjoy some years of retirement!

Meanwhile, please enjoy this comment of the week:

“In March all red-blooded American men are required by law to at least pretend to be experts on college basketball, but Paul’s one-upping everyone else by going full paternal with it. No longer content with just one biological son, Paul will daddily daze the entire NCAA. Chew on that, people who say single-parent homes aren’t a danger to society!” –jroggs

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Snuffy gives the parson an orange can cozy rather than an orange hat or orange jacket because of the harsh economic realities of Hootin Holler: when parson Tuttle gets mistaken for a bear and shot, he’ll be there to scoop up the collection can, and he wants to make sure it isn’t shot up, too.” –gardenornament

I found this group called ‘Not One More Vet.’ Turns out there are way too many veterinarians! You should retire!” –Peanut Gallery

“If Dr. Ed really is depressed it’s his nephew’s fault, you know. That kid was the one all bummed out about the job. Then he talks to Ed, and Ed catches depression. What if Ed infects Estelle? Oh, she’d be a huge downer. They need to find that nephew! You have to kill the head vampire to cure everyone else!” –made of wince

“The way the Doc is yelling and Bil is crying I figure ‘flu’ is their agreed upon code word for gonorrhea.” –Hibbleton

“I’m sorry that Daddy has the flu, kid, but the facts that Saint Cuthbert of Lindisfarne had a son in violation of his monastic vows, that his son still somehow lives over 1300 hundred years later, that his son has studied to become a doctor and a general practitioner, and that his son actually does his own medical billing instead of sending you down the hall to talk to the ‘ladies in billing,’ is the real story. We truly do live in a time of miracles.” –Voshkod

“I’m more worried that Keanes’ doctor makes him undress for a flu test. Next week’s panels are drawn by the courtroom sketch artist.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Oh come on. There’s no way five Milford players know who Kareem is. At least one of them would say something idiotic like ‘Gordon from Sesame Street! What the hell?’” –KMD

“Ok kids, for starters, the most important thing in basketball is to be 7′2″. What? How can you expect me to help you if you aren’t willing to even do that? Goodbye, losers!” –cheech wizard

“Say what you will about Gil Thorp, but the strip is rendering its readers the ultimate daily comics service: the opportunity to be smug about knowing a celebrity the youngs do not. This will sustain their righteous snit for weeks, I tell you!” –pastordan

“Uh oh. Looks like Dr. Ed has mistaken a bottle of horse liniment for beer.” –Charterstoned

“Oh, that’s his LEG. I thought he was holding a burlap bag in the same hand as his beer for some reason. To put the cat in? Before pitching it in the river? There are easier ways to quit the profession, Dr. Ed!” –Twinkles the Elf

“I know that Ed is talking to his cat, but I think it would be pretty funny if it were revealed that he worships a pantheon of ancient Norse gods. I mean, something is going to get in the way of his relationship with Estelle, can’t it be something fun?” –pugfuggly

“‘Going physically to work to ask for the current day off‘ joins ‘dating Beetle’ in Incomprehensible Shit Miss Buxley Does.” –nescio

“Maybe coffee is the solution to every plugger problem. You just have to be creative enough to see it. Just imagine how much happier that rhino man would have been if instead of taking his TV to the pawn shop, he had thrown a cup of hot coffee into the face of the pawn broker, robbing him while the poor beast-man recoiled from second and third degrees burns to the face! Look out world! Pluggers have hot coffee, an increasing lack of regard for the welfare of others and lots of problems that need solving!” –Lionheart

“Snuffy and Barlow have been bitten by paralyzing spiders, who even know are fashioning their bodies into bait traps for flies.” –Schroduck

Coffee? Coffee? Boy, the Duct Tape people and the makers of Bisquick are going to be absolutely furious when they see this.” –Old School Allie Cat

Remember what I did last time you were here? I moved the furniture into awkward positions, and now we have to live with it!” –BigTed

“The ‘living it up’ version of this cruise seems to be having a drink on the balcony lounge chair while wearing jorts, so I am going to assume that no one involved with this creative team has much experience with ‘living it up.’” –Drew Funk

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