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Cleats, 11/6/08

This is Cleats! I almost never talk about it, except when it becomes a scene of nightmarish horror; but, seeing as it’s ostensibly a good-natured, light-hearted look at the world of youth athletics, that happens more than you’d think. Anyhoo, Edith there is a slightly bookish young lady who enjoys goaltending and fencing. She has terrifying, inhuman mouth-parts that she uses to feed on soccer balls, and rotting flesh.

Pluggers, 11/6/08

You know you’re an impoverished plugger when you live in an apartment so tiny that your can barely fit your legs between your TV stand and your chair, which is just as well seeing as you can’t afford any other furniture. Also, you know you’re an impoverished plugger when you’d like to eat your cat, but you can’t move quickly enough to catch him because you’re weak and keep fainting, because of the hunger. At least this poor bastard hasn’t had to resort to the ultimate plugger indignity: hocking his television.

Mark Trail, 11/6/08

“Raccoons like to wander a lot … around in nature! That’s because they’re wild animals! They don’t care a whit about you, or your family! You’re lucky Sneaky managed to ‘sneak’ out, or else he probably would have ‘snuck’ into your room at night and bit you on the face, for no reason!”

Also, I challenge you all to use the phrase “That will make it easier to chain to a log” in casual conversation today.

Shoe, 11/6/08

“Also, I’m old and dying! So the future can pretty much bite me, you know what I’m saying?”

Psst! If you’re interested in discussing the election, this would be a good place to do it.

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Spider-Man, 11/5/08

After a contentious election season, can we not come together as one people and agree that Spider-Man is hilarious? Our crack police duo, having solved this caper from the moment they arrived on the scene, raise their voice slightly for backup while the web-crawler lurches off at medium speed in a direction that does not appear to be towards the exits. As Spidey wrestles with those “nutty handcuffs,” one is also invited to contemplate how many lovely antique timepieces Big Time could have purchased legitimately, had he chosen to market this ultrahard yet malleable metal for the variety of industrial uses that might suggest themselves to anyone who thinks about it for more than thirty seconds.

Apartment 3-G, 11/5/08

So, after much comical drug use and a little light murder on the part of her boyfriend, Lu Ann has made good on her months-old promise to decamp to South Dakota (nickname: “The Baja Peace Garden State”), which leads Margo and Ruby to engage in awkward banter that seems to hint that Lu Ann is involved in some kind of contract dispute with the strip’s producers.

Anyway, Lu Ann’s absence ought by rights to provide the perfect opportunity for Apartment 3-G to provide us with a little Tommie time, but naturally that won’t happen because she’s boring even by soap opera comic standards. Hopefully, then, we’ll get to see fill-in roommate Ruby working in the wedding planning business that Margo so cavalierly abandoned when Eric conned her into running his art gallery. Extra bonus points if some discreet questioning of clients on Margo’s part reveals that Ruby’s simple, no-fuss steadiness is a marked contrast to Margo’s comical incompetence, which discovery would naturally lead to Ruby’s immediate dismissal.

(Side note: “a little Tommie time” is what Gary calls it when he gets to second base with Tommie.)

Crock, 11/5/08

Grossie and her friend have just seen Ing, a heart-breaking romance between two gerunds. At first, their love moved forward progressively, but they were eventually torn apart when they couldn’t agree whether their relationship should be governed by a possessive or objective pronoun.

Psst! Still ecstatic/outraged over the election? Chat about it here!

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Thanks to faithful reader Mark for this all-too-appropriate image!

Today is election day in the United States, and instead of attempting to quell the inevitable spirited discussions that will spin off into spittle-inducing rage, I’ve provided this post, on which you are all welcome to go at it. Feel free to boast, moan, commiserate, celebrate, argue, complain, whine defensively, or write learned, level-headed essays about why your political opponents should be rounded up and put into camps. And remember, no matter how bad you thought this year’s election was, at least it didn’t involve Spider-Man.

And if you want to discuss, you know, comics, you should probably just do so over here.