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Dustin, 9/9/24

Deckhand on an Alaskan crab boat.
Choker setter for a logging crew.
Apprentice roofer.

C’mon, Dustin—get it over with.

Dick Tracy, 9/9/24

Sure, Ro-Zan is dangerous but Thorin, with his desperation at Moon Valley losing its atmosphere, known antipathy to Terrans, and blatant disregard for human rights, is no saint either—and he’s headed your way, Diet. Don’t forget, “the nation that controls magnetism will control the universe,” and said nation is emphatically not yours.

Hi and Lois, 9/9/24

Hi will both mash his thumb and pulverize the precious Oxy he’ll need for the pain. Ditto will tell him he can still snort it, but he has to pick out the plastic fragments first. Hi will ignore him—he’s in a hurry, dammit—and maybe he can hassle the E.R. docs for more Oxy to ease the pain from his nosebleed.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/24

Truck sits and ponders his answer: “Am I Truck Tyler? Used to be, kid; used to be ….”

—Uncle Lumpy

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The Phantom, 9/8/24

Phantom was growing increasingly vexed
That the proles would identify him as John X.
So by making up missions and playing a role
He set out to bewilder the Jungle Patrol.

Now you may think the Phantom was being a dick,
But protecting The Legend is part of his schtick
And he doesn’t much mind it’s exacting a toll
On his credulous fans at the Jungle Patrol!

So poor Colonel Worubu is having a sad
‘Cause he’s lost the best buddy that he never had.
But his misery’s nothing but damage control
To the Unknown Commander of Jungle Patrol!

Mark Trail, 9/8/24

Mark proposes to save the Catalina Quail by burning down its habitat. It’s possible he doesn’t see that “local shrubbery” and “overgrown uncleared brush” are the same thing. It’s certain he hasn’t thought this all the way through. Either way though, roast quail is delicious.

Family Circus, 9/8/24

What’s more tragic: that Jeffy will grow into a sleep-deprived corporate drone like his Dad, or that Bil will deteriorate into a scatterbrained idiot like his son?

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panels), 9/8/24

Your finger hurts. No one can help you. No one cares. Your career is over and your life is meaningless. Sit, Truck, sit. Sit like you’ve never sat before.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 9/7/24

Best. Gil Thorp. Ever.

Flash Gordon, 9/7/24

Ergon, leader of the Power Men who maintain the capital’s tunnels, negotiates concessions from Empress Aura and King Barin. Mongo’s monarchy may be in decline, but its public-service unions are top-notch. You think Ming the Merciless would’ve put up with this crap?

Judge Parker, 9/6/24

A Spencer daughter, ignoring the advice of her sassy Black girlfriend, intrudes into the dysfunctional and possibly criminal drama surrounding a potential romantic partner’s family. And they’re gonna keep telling this story until they either get it right or fall comes to Cavelton, whichever comes first.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/7/24

Gotta say, “Crabitol” sounds more like an ointment than a record label.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/7/24

Alas, poor Truck. His pickin’ finger “locked up” and hurt him last Tuesday, and now he’s consumed by fear: focal dystonia? Multiple sclerosis? Knuckle cancer? His mind reels. But Truck lives in a medical desert, long miles from any competent professional who might take the slightest interest in his anxiety and pain. Nothing to do but sit, really. Sit, Truck. Just sit.

—Uncle Lumpy