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Dustin, 10/23/22

The thing about Dustin is that it was originally sold in 2010 as a look at Boomer-Millennial tensions, but also the Boomer dad is clearly the viewpoint character so it was mostly about how Millennials annoyed him. Annoying as Millennials are, however, twelve years is a long time to go to that well, and so now the strip is at least 25% “random non-Millennial things the viewpoint character is annoyed by” by volume. And the punchline? The punchline, my friend, is the viewpoint character being as insufferable as possible about it. That’s the funny pages!

Mary Worth, 10/23/22

At least Mary Worth knows what it takes to make America laugh again: beloved millionaire himbo Zak falling to his death in front of his horrified not-fiancée. Publius Syrus is right, kids: learn caution from Iris’s misfortune, and do not get emotionally attached to a self-confident moron like Zak and then hike to a dramatic cliffside vista.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/23/22

Look, Summer, take it from me, someone who has both gone to grad school and written a book: those are not your only two choices in life, and just about all the other ones are going to frankly be a lot better for your financial and emotional well-being.

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Sam and Silo, 10/22/22

Now, I’ve never claimed on here to be “hip” or “young” or “with it” or “not a 48-year-old comics blogger,” but I spend a certain amount of energy keeping tabs on matters linguistic, and I’ve been informed that the young people today use the word “talking” to cover a broad spectrum of the romantic experience, ranging from “exchanging flirtatious texts/DMs” to “having sex one another without any discussion of or agreement about exclusivity.” So this 1990s rerun of Sam and Silo is almost on the cutting edge! But then they go and ruin it in the last panel, because I’ve also been informed that leaving a voice mail is literally the worst thing you can do to a young person. Why would you murder this poor woman like this, Silo? Why you would you commit such a heinous deed?

Gil Thorp, 10/22/22

Oh no! Looks like Gil’s going to have to guide his kids through a mass shooting drill … en français! Will he have the élan to pull it off?

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Folks!!!!! Just two weeks from today, in Los Angeles, we have a VERY SPECIAL Internet Read Aloud, featuring Annie Rauwerda of Depths Of Wikipedia fame, which if you know about me you know is a project that is very much my jam and I am very excited about it. Please come to this one, if you’ve been putting it off! Here’s the Facebook event, and the poster!

I’m also very excited about this week’s comment of the week!

“Looks like a treacherous hike for such an old lady as Iris. What if she slips and falls, becomes injured, and Zak has second thoughts about dating a frail old woman? What if he goes to Mary for advice on how he could possibly be involved with someone so limited? What if Mary convinces him that old people aren’t all weak and fragile by decisively beating him in a dramatic arm wrestling match, spread out over a week?” –Drew Funk

Are the runners up also exciting, and hilarious? You bet!

“Nice Cassandra Cat sketch, Mr. Kat. Was she working as a model or did you sketch her here in the studio? I’m asking because I want to know if she just picked your pocket or stole your entire safe full of forged cash. Hold on, I’ve got her on speed dial. Cass? It’s me again. Mm-hm. Koppy Kat’s studio. I just want your ali… yes? …..Max, there are no penguins in the Arctic, right?” –Blackdrazon

“‘Boxing Bucks‘ is a painting by a world-renowned nature artist in the same sense that nudists started calling themselves naturists.” –matt w

“My favorite part of today’s Crock is the first throwaway panel that implies Crock is taking the call inside the giant rock Crock.” –nescio

“The threat of divorce is a gun with a single bullet, but that isn’t stopping Abbey from pulling the trigger on that empty chamber just to enjoy the click.” –jroggs

“You know, you just know, that Leroy jumped into that pile of leaves out of pure, unbridled spite. Picture it: Leroy and Loretta are walking down the sidewalk, trading hateful barbs about the doughnuts they’re about to buy, when they spot a fresh pile of leaves. ‘Remember the fun of jumping into fresh piles of leaves? Were leaves invented yet when you were a kid?’ asks Leroy. Loretta rolls her eyes. ‘I refuse to believe you’ve ever had fun,’ she says. ‘Not when I’m talking with you,’ Leroy shoots back, then takes a grim-faced running start, jumps, and lands on what was apparently a thin veneer of leaves coating a pile of rakes, boulders, and possibly an IED.” –els

“Can’t wait for them to get trapped up a tree by a wolf, forcing Iris to reexamine her priorities when she witnesses Wilbur arrive to save them only to get savagely mauled.” –Will’s Nightmare, on Twitter

“On some level, I’m amazed they were able to follow one of the most patently overdone lines that probably exists in all fiction, ‘Are you okay, honey?’, with what’s surely a line that no one in the history of language has ever said before: ‘Where you go, I go, Zak dear.’” –Amelie Wikström

“The fact that the devil mentions how many times Grimm bit the saleslady means that in each occasion Grimm had the choice not to, meaning that he had free will and salvation depends on deeds, not faith alone and predestination. Once comic strips displayed Irish and Italian caricatures, but these days they are imbued with Popery! Is this still America?!” –Ettorre

“Look at the faces on these homeowners. You think they wanted to host a 5-person formal dinner party? Where one of the guests is a rude, rambunctious child? They’ve been dreading this thing all day, and to know that dorky ol’ Henry Mitchell doesn’t want to be there either is the ultimate slap in the face.” –Carsick Yankee

“The joke is lost on me because I can’t get past Dennis’s jacket and tie, clearly from the ‘Li’l Rodney Dangerfield’ collection.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Oh, man, this is exactly what I wanted from this Funky storyline: a reworking of It’s A Wonderful Life with Crankshaft as a guardian angel who actually recommends suicide. ‘And obviously I was right. I mean, look at me now. Don’t make the same mistake I did.’” –Applemask

“I found my way to go on by becoming a bus driver. Diesel fumes take longer, but it’s way less painful, and if you ever change your mind and decide to go the short way, you can take a bunch of kids with you!” –pastordan

“A ‘shake and bake’ joke directed at a goose, or any domesticated fowl for that matter, seems like the kind of discriminatory behavior that could get a funeral parlor’s license pulled. No wonder Ms. Goose looks so shocked and offended.” –Where’s Rocky?

“That’s my husband in there. I decide what I can do about it. Now put on these scrubs and get in there! ‘But … but…’ ‘No buts! Move it.’” –Hibbleton

“This plot is pretty much being telegraphed. And since it’s Mary Worth, I mean that literally as the most modern means of communication available.” –Kevin On Earth

“I like this new trend where Gil talks strictly in silly cliches. Tune in tomorrow when he’ll teach a french class using only the phrases ‘Sacré Bleu!,’ ‘That’s the ticket!’, and ‘Do NOT go in there!’” –pugfuggly

“Full offense to Mister Thorp here, but if MY boss randomly walked up to me, asked if I would fill in for somebody out sick while I was already busy, then automatically assumed I’m saying yes before I can even get a word in edgewise, I’d be calling the union. Do incompetent coaches have unions?” –ectojazzmage

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