Post Content

Now, I don’t usually — or ever, really — comment on Mallard Fillmore on this blog. Partly it’s because it inspires the sort of pointless vitriol amongst commentors that will get folks banished to the Cockpit. Partly it’s because I already have an outlet for my political commentary. But mostly it’s because my comments would just be as foaming, angry, and unfunny as Mallard Fillmore itself. Not only do I disagree with pretty much every political opinion expressed therein, but the strip itself is a sham of a comic strip. There are plenty of conservative-themed strips (Prickly City and the online Day By Day come to mind) that actually have sequential action in panels and recurring characters; Mallard Fillmore is just a standard-issue editorial cartoon that happens to be drawn in a box that’s the same dimensions as a comic strip so that it can be printed on the comics pages.

See, I’m doing it already.

Anyway, I promise to pretty much never mention Mallard Fillmore again after today, but I feel compelled to point out that:

• Bruce Tinsley, Mallard Fillmore’s creator, was arrested for DUI last week.
• With his blood alcohol level over twice the legal limit.
• For the second time in four months.
• And you can read the story with its accompanying awesome mug shot.
• And the story came out today (not sure why it took a week, though since Mallard himself is always late reacting to the news thanks to comics publication lead times, it’s strangely appropriate), which is the same day that the Mallard Fillmore published in papers across the land was this:

Now, a single DUI can reasonably be seen as an isolated, albeit asinine and irresponsible, act. Two in such a short period of time makes it much more likely that Tinsley is an alcoholic. In all seriousness, I’m glad that he didn’t hurt himself or anyone else, and I hope he gets some help.

But is it at least a little funny that this happened to the guy who wrote and drew this cartoon?

Yes. Yes it is. (Thanks to faithful reader Pelagius for finding this somewhere in the bowels of the MF archives.)

Anyway, no more duck talk from me, I promise (unless it’s about some freakishly huge waterfowl in Mark Trail). Commentors on this post (and this post only) may feel free to engage in heated, foaming political debates of the sort that would normally get you banned to the Cockpit. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Oops, actually his previous arrest was for public intoxication, not DUI. Apologies.

Post Content

Sally Forth, 12/11/06

You know, if the world around me had suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke and I found myself on a higher plane, face to face with a benevolent, all-powerful deity who offered me a chance to come up with a definitive catalog of horrifying, traumatic things that, thanks to His all-loving power and favor, I would never, ever have to look at, it would never even have occurred to me before today to add “bald Sally Forth” to the list; and if such a blessed event ever happens to me in the future, there’s really no point, since I can never unsee it.

I like to imagine that Sally’s hair just came off in one immobile unit, with her classic freakish hairstyle undisturbed despite its separation from her head, and that somewhere a cancer survivor who tried to save a few bucks is kind of peeved with that decision.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 12/11/06

TDIET, tired of wasting its petty rage on intergenerational squabbles and marital discord, has decided to wade into the public health arena. I’d just like to point out that any establishment that sells cigarettes in bulk mere feet away from its inhaler stand isn’t just laying the groundwork for classic funny-pages irony; it’s also destined to make money hand over fist, as consumption of the former inevitably necessitates the purchase of wares from the latter for the customer and all those who share airspace with him. That’s what we call synergy, folks.

Judge Parker, 12/11/06

You know, usually Monday soap strips are boring, since they need to just rehash what happened Sunday, but I think we deserve a double shot of Celeste’s magnificient wrath. I do appreciate the appearance of Officer Flattop McMustache in the second panel; his slack-jawed, panicked face tells us that nothing in his police academy training, or his years as a U.S. Marine before that, could have prepared him for this. Hopefully tomorrow’s strip will feature less petition filing and more tasering.

Post Content

Hello kids! It’s that time of week again when we all give big ups to this week’s Comment Of The Week!

“RMMD: Why do the children in this strip age so tragically early? Why are they deprived of normal childhoods with normal necks and normal hairstyles?” –Poteet

And the hilarity didn’t stop there:

“I can’t help but feel that Bil Keane lost a bet against a creepy middle-aged furry-loving pedophile and this cartoon was his side of the bargain.” –Zach

“Like his namesake, Peter Parker gained the ability to revolt and terrify women. His one weakness: brooms.” –paddywhack

“Speaking of Spider-Man, you have to at least give them credit for making sure a page where absolutely nothing happens is done in the most dramatic camera angles possible.” –Foolster41

“The Meddling Interloper is calling Clark Gable her ‘client,’ implying a financial transaction is required for her advice. Mary gives it away for free, so there’s no way to Ella can compete with that. It’s like trying to start a brothel next to a sorority house.” –yellojkt

“Injured in a freak meth lab accident, May has the comparative ferocity, inhuman strength, and incoherence of a tweaker. She can also cling to mullets.” –Marion Delgado

“Holy crap, my hate for Michael just gets deeper and deeper. ‘He was our mascot, our anti-hero, our futility symbol.’ Mike, you don’t need a futility symbol. Your life pretty much qualifies as being futile for real.” –Tak, the Hideous New Girl

“Sadly, I mistook the Judge Parker strip for Spider-Man. I saw the word ‘Parker’ and whoops! I mean, with no supervillains, no sight of the Spider-Man costume, meandering dialogue, goofy background characters, and a ‘this comic strip tackles serious modern issues’ brooding countenance on the square-jawed blue-hair in the last panel — well, I’m sure you can see why I made the mistake.” –Benicillin

“How awesome would it be to expose the Keane family as creepy perverts? (Answer: really awesome.)” –Chromium

“Now that the Ghost-Who-Walks killed the Doorman with an inspired game of hide-and-seek, it boggles the mind to think of how he’s going to kill the rest of the criminal network he apparently discovered by looking at the Doorman’s MySpace friend list. My bet is on either peek-a-boo or ‘got your nose.'” –reader-who-posts

“If the TV van is rockin’ don’t come Doc Ockin’.” –CarAlarm

“Dewey would do well to end his tirade quickly, now that he’s embarrassed himself with a demonstration of how hilariously impossible it is to throw paper in a fit of rage.” –Rhekarid

“Once again, They’ll Do It Every Time is a lot more like They’ll Do It Occasionally, If They’re In A Highly Specialized Field And Random Chance Conspires To Make Something Happen.” –jess a.

“Let that be a lesson to all you failed presidential candidates out there seeking advice in Charterstone from questionable women. I’m talking to you, Gary Hart.” –bitter law student

“There is no way that Molly would eat Theodore Beaver. She eats sunshine and cotton candy!” –Gal Friday

“Clearly, the folks in Phantom chose their president for his magnificent thighs specifically, and his ability to look great in a lycra tuxedo, generally. See? This is what you get when you vote for things you believe in instead of against things you don’t believe in. I’m talking to you, America. –Summerhouse

Also! This weekend I received a pair of charming photos from faithful reader MossMoses, formerly known as Sassy_Rocks. As a big Mark Trail fan, MossMoses was of course charmed by our Molly the Bear t-shirt. Here, he expresses a Molly-esque love for all things despite the incomprehensible hostility of an off-camera antagonist:

And here he contemplates the hostility of what I’m pretty sure is our bobbleheaded Commander-In-Chief for his commie hat:

More Molly the Bear and other Comics Curmudgeon merchandise is available at the Comics Curmudgeon store on CafePress! You can still get things delivered in time for Christmas! MossMoses says that his Molly the Bear shirt intrigues the ladies, so those of you looking to intrigue the ladies should keep that in mind.

And speaking of rampant commercialism, we must give our weekly thanks to those who have helped pay the bills by buying adspace.

• KFC consumer warning: A video from PETA.
• Andertoons: Funny cartoons for presentations, newsletters, advertising, and more.
• Puppetics: Action figures for attentive kids of all ages
• OneHorseShy: Funny t-shirts that pander to everyone!
• The Girls and Sports playbook: Exclusive dating advice from cartoons.
• Clueless George Presidential Library: All three Clueless George books in one specially packaged collector’s set.

Click here to find out more about advertising on this site.