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Hi kids! As I’ve mentioned in the past, I write a weekly feature on political cartoons for the political blog Wonkette. Well, Wonkette is a bit short-staffed at the moment, and, having proven my ability to operate blogging software and my lack of an office job that might frown on my blogging on company time, I’ve been drafted into guest-blogging for a few days this week. Since I don’t live in Washington, don’t have any real connection with politics or government, and don’t have cable, it will be interesting to see how this works out. If you have any tips that might make interesting posts on Wonkette, please send ’em to me.

Keep in mind that Wonkette is a political blog in a fairly loose sense: it’s interested not so much in thoughtful debate and policy analysis and more in mockery and perversion. Think less “McNeil-Lehrer News Hour” and more “The Daily Show.” So please don’t send me your impassioned 4,000-word treatise on health care reform or campaign finance law, or your detailed conspiracy theories. Did someone show up to testify at a House finance subcommittee meeting dressed as a chicken? Did a national office-holder or major political candidate make a bizarre or inadvertently hilarious statement in public, possibly when he or she didn’t realize that the microphone was on? Is there a major political sex scandal brewing, involving (this would be the Wonkette mother lode) sodomy? This is the sort of thing I want to know.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/6/06

I think it’s pretty clear that Tommie’s going to get her mind blown, over and over, until she begs to never ever get a storyline of her own again. I admit that it’s pretty shocking that a woman in her late twenties might call a man in his early fifties by his first name — if you live in 1954. Otherwise, I got nothing on Tommie’s total bafflement. Maybe she’s devastated that her longtime partner in sexless chastity has a non-platonic date with someone. Whatever it is, I hope we’re treated to a whole week of Tommie word-ballooning random words in quotation marks and out of context.

Mary Worth, 8/6/06

“I’m pretty open-mined, but I don’t find Aldo’s brand of stalking amusing at all!” Personally, I find Mary, that champion of suburban condo conformity, describing herself as “open minded” to be quite amusing. Tell the ladies at the downtown women’s shelter all about your open-mindedness, why don’t ya?

Since I actually am open minded, I find Aldo’s brand of humor freakin’ hilarious. Particularly risible is his maniacal and heavily-motion-lined evil hand-rubbing in the final panel. Or maybe he’s so turned on by the thrill of pursuit that he’s doing some spontaneous hand-jiving.

Crankshaft, 8/6/06

There’s absolutely nothing about the humor content of this strip that demands that it be narrated by girls in bikinis, but I’m gradually learning that the main role of the granddaughter in this feature is to distract from the lame-o writing by wearing something skimpy.

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Remember, people: If you get an infantile urge to giggle every time you hear the phrase “Work them like a claw … and call me Randy,” then you should buy either the men’s or women’s working-it-like-a-claw-themed shirt over at the Comics Curmudgeon store. Then you should take a picture of yourself wearing it and send it to me, like faithful reader Bigfoot did:

I think Randy and April were eating Chinese food, not sushi, but you have to admire her dedication to verisimilitude.

(If you don’t have a clue as to what the hell this is about, click here and scroll down.)