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Apartment 3-G, 6/5/06

“Holy crap,” a million Apartment 3-G fanboys around the country bellowed this morning. “First Batwoman, now this!” Unfortunately for Tommie, who, having finally given up on getting any action from Margo, might now be feeling hope awaken in her breast once again, I’m betting that Lu Ann is using those quotation marks such that she’ll avoid a visit from her finger-quotin’ roommate. The old “make your ex-boyfriend jealous by pretending your roommate is your hot lesbian date” ploy may get the job done, but it inevitably ends in heartbreak for the roommate. Alan will no doubt get all riled up and whisk Lu Ann off for a quick “life drawing” session, while poor Tommie will be cast aside and left to the unwanted attentions of Maynard G. McVesty.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 6/5/06

Note to cartoonists everywhere: Do not, repeat, do not deploy slang words that you don’t understand in a desperate attempt to appear “hip” or “cool” or “with it.” For instance, the author of this feature really should have consulted someone under the age of fifty to help him fully grasp all the nuances of the Truman-era neologism nerd.

Have you ever noticed that TDIET’s text inevitably has a lot of filler material (i.e., “well”, “er”, “oh, yeah”)? Are the boxes laid out in advance, and the text needs to be fluffed out to fill them? Or is some poor assistant taking dictation and afraid to apply any editorial judgement?

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Popeye, 6/4/06

So as I have mentioned, I’ve been reading Popeye lately. The daily comic is pretty bizarre, though admittedly no more bizarre than any other iteration of the whole Popeye mythos, if you think about it. Anyway, one of the things in the Popeye comic that’s new to me is the presence of Popeye’s parents. Popeye’s father (or “Pappy”) is blatantly just Popeye with a beard; more disturbing is the fact that Popeye’s mother is blatantly just Popeye in drag. And not very convincing drag at that. Don’t their corncob pipes knock into each other when they make out?

Mark Trail, 6/4/06

We all knew that last Sunday’s Mark Trail totally awesome crab installment would be hard to live up to, but it looks like everybody’s favorite naturalist didn’t even bother trying, serving up an extra-lame installment of licorice, for Christ’s sake. Not even the vague possibility that Mark might accidentally spook the bear in the bottom left panel and get mauled perks this thing up. However, faithful reader Dave Horlick writes to point out the hilarious message at bottom right: “More information on licorice can be found on the Internet”. You know, the Internet. In general. Somewhere. Personally, I think messages like this should appear on all comics. (Apartment 3-G: “More information on proper use of quotation marks can be found on the Internet.” The Phantom: “More information on fetish gear can be found on the Internet.”)

After a few minutes of staring at this message in dumb fascination, though, I realized something very important about it: unlike the rest of the text in this comic, it’s not in Jack Elrod’s handwriting. I think it’s pretty clear that ol’ Jack orignally wrote something there that the syndicate didn’t want you to see. My theory is that the text box contained instructions on using licorice to get high. Or maybe a shout-out to Elrod’s homies in prison.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/3/06

“That’s right, Rex, we’re going to need more tests! Now, if you’ll excuse me for a minute, I’m going to stick this water bottle up my nose!”

Seriously, though, Rex Morgan and nostrils: what up, yo?

For Better Or For Worse, 6/4/06

That’s it, we want to draw in closer on her face … really bring home her homesickness and torn feelings … let her keep typing and get closer … closer … YEAAGGGH! TOO CLOSE! HORRIFYING MAKE-UP JOB VISIBLE! ABORT! ABORT!

Seriously, I didn’t know that they even had glamor shot studios (or, I guess, “glamour shot studios”) in Mtigwaki.