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Family Circus, 5/4/06

So why do you suppose that this panel is completely devoid of background details of any kind? And yet why is Barfy’s mangy little head poking in at the bottom of the frame, despite the fact that he’s not involved in this “joke” at all?

My theory about the first question: The utter blankness is supposed to cue us off that the Keanes live in an archetypical existentialist meaningless void — like Waiting For Godot, with more malapropisms.

My theory about the second question: Mom has grown so enraged by Billy’s awful horn-tooting that she’s trained Barfy to kill, kill, kill at sound of the first note. Thus the little hint of a smile on her face.

Can these two theories be reconciled with one another? I leave this as an exercise for the commentariat.

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Sally Forth, 5/4/06

Tune in for future installments of Sally Forth’s alcohol-fueled blackouts and ancillary hilarity:

• “Gee, Sal, you say the car had four tires when you came home from work?”
• “All I know is that Ralph says you were the most giving and nurturing lover he’s ever had.”
• “Mom, Faye says she won’t come over for dinner again until you get rid of that gun.”
• “So you say you remember punching the other softball coach in the face, but you don’t remember kicking him in the gut after he went down?”
• “All I know is that Alice says you were the most giving and nurturing lover she’s ever had.”

Judge Parker, 5/4/06

I’m not familiar enough with the rich Judge Parker backstory to know whether Abbey was born to fabulous wealth or if she came by it by marrying (or just shacking up with? I can’t keep it straight) Sam Driver, but she clearly has a lot to learn when it comes to ordering her henchpersons about. She’s got the part where you make them dress up in ludicrous uniforms right, but she doesn’t really know how to talk to them:

• Incorrect way to respond to relayed information from an underling: Allowing to them learn unnecessary details by engaging them in a rousing game of Exposition.
• Correct way to respond to relayed information from an underling: “Did I give you permission to make eye contact with me? Return to your duties at once, Unit 39-D!”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 5/4/06

This panel ignores the tremendous pressure anyone named “Neato” is under to be tidy. As if four grueling years of male nursing school weren’t enough!

B.C., 5/4/06

OK, but see, this is just totally insane.

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Apartment 3-G, 5/3/06

Well, after a brief and pointless Margo-and-Lu Ann interlude, we’re back in the saddle with our exciting Tommie-based storyline! I’m not sure exactly where this is going, but we’ll be treated to a completely novel situation: Tommie has to share a house with someone dim and sweet whose feelings are easily hurt, and someone else who’s sharp and cutting and whose facial expressions can change from smiling to glaring at a moment’s notice.

It’s totally different because she’ll be in a house, not an apartment! HA HA HA! Ha. Um. Yeah.

I’m really digging Lucy’s black cravat. It says, “You can take the goth girl out to the suburbs and take away her eyeliner and black hair dye and make her get a Mary Tyler Moore-style flip and a sweater set, but you still can’t make her conform to your rules, man!”