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FOLKS!!!! It is time for me, your faithful blogger, to take one of my occasional vacations from the comics and from this site, so you know what that means: your faithful guest blogger Uncle Lumpy will be guest blogging, starting tomorrow! And because only I have the authority to choose a best commenter from among you, I choose one today, whose COTW will stand the test of time until I return on September 22nd:

“I know people have been talking about how ‘disgusting’ and ‘disturbing’ the recent Six Chix is, but a bird with no pants on beaming at a possible cure for incontinence is what gives me the heebie-jeebies. (‘Roz won’t have to burn the seats I sit on anymore. Score!’)” –2+2=7

The runners up are also hilarious and worth your time!

“Wait a minute, narration box, you’re not supposed to use that about someone’s ex! ‘Ed is happily remembering the sex he had with Sheila, while lubriciously anticipating the sex he’s going to have with Estelle.’ That is … kind of a healthy attitude, maybe, but it’s not healthy to acknowledge it?” –matt w

“‘When do I get some rest?’ Mmm, I guess the other 16 hours Beetle is not sleeping on you! The bed is lazier than Beetle!” –Ettorre

“Estelle is a bit concerned. She’d been assuming Stylish Retired Schoolteacher was Ed’s type, but is he actually more into the Artsy Congresswoman aesthetic? Or has he put that behind him, one hopes?” –Violet

“Today’s Alice is very irresponsible. You can’t just ask newspaper readers to take the massive doses of psychoactive drugs needed to write Alice.” –Schroduck

“There’s a wonderful old hymn that I want played nice and loud at my funeral: ‘For all the saints, who from their labors rest…’ That ain’t a dream bubble and Alice ain’t organizing anyone, is what I’m getting at.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Sophie is smiling because she thinks the strip was cancelled and she can finally be free. But, like Sisyphus, her torment is repetitive and never-ending. Fall may have come to Judge Parker but the sweet winter of final release never will.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Only local and national news outlets? What’s the matter, AFP and Al Jazeera? Is high school football in some random American small town too real for your weak-hearted audience?” –jroggs

“She’s talking to me, isn’t she? Can she see me? I’m not dressed. Stop looking at me!” –Pozzo

“Everyone complained so much about Judge Parker plots being impossible to follow that they’ve resorted to explicitly stating when the current storyline is over. Now if they really want to be kind to their frazzled and confused readers, they’ll do like Gasoline Alley and let us have a nice little nap before the next story begins!” –Peanut Gallery

“Ha ha, imagine you had a roommate with dandruff so terrible that you were literally choking on it, and you couldn’t leave the small space you share together, and neither could he, and there was really nothing either of you could do about it and … guys, I don’t know if we should be keeping fish as pets.” –pugfuggly

“I do kinda appreciate Beetle Bailey stickin’ it to their demographic. Get with the times, gramps! I kid. They’re definitely on Facebook getting radicalized.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Now: ‘Look, please calm down, the police are on the scene and the FBI is on the way. We will find out what happened to this entire classroom of children but, if we had to bet, it’s Dennis’ fault.’

Before: ‘I don’t know, Dennis, but I know how we can find out! Let’s all get on the Magic School Bus and go to Lindisfarne in 793!’ Credit sequence, musical interlude, then screaming, burning, and finally silence broken only by the crash of the waves and the mournful call of the gull.” –Voshkod

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Beetle Bailey, 9/5/24

Sarge is correct: his men are extremely vulnerable to the range weapons that are fated to kill them when they finally enter combat.

Dennis the Menace, 9/5/24

Menace level: violating the intellectual property of Rich Hall.

Hi and Lois, 9/5/24

Oh, man, sorry these two peaceful animals are just doing their thing and not interacting, Trixie! Sorry they’re not insulting each other through comical speech impediments. Sorry they’re not trying to murder each other, for your amusement!

Mary Worth, 9/5/24

“Or are you fucking? Are you fucking my fiance? Hahaha I’m cool with it if you are, but I just want to know. Are you fucking my fiance? YES OR NO, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME”

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Beetle Bailey, Blondie, and Shoe, 9/4/24

Look, we’d all like to believe that works of art spring from the pure, isolated genius of their creator’s mind, but when you’re talking about a commercial and ongoing project like a daily comic strip, obviously the whole thing ends up being affected by the desires and needs of your audience. You gotta give ’em what they want! The creators of legacy strips are acutely aware that the “’em” in this case is “old people” and what they want is news they can use, like “Ha ha, there sure are a bunch of crazy ‘social media’ sites these days,” “Hey, did you know that you can make money on playing video games? Maybe that grandson of yours isn’t such a screwup after all,” and “Tired of pissing yourself? Well, here’s some unexpected good news!”

Six Chix, 9/4/24

This blog is itself a work of art in dialogue with its audience (literally, given the comment section), and apparently what you want is my funny, erudite, and occasionally lengthy riffs on the strips, which I’m happy to deliver! But it is my blog, after all, and sometimes what I want out of it is to just post a strip I read today and say “I don’t like this”, so here you go. Today’s Six Chix: I don’t like this!

Dennis the Menace, 9/4/24

Many years ago, an ex of mine had to go to traffic school to get points from a moving violation taken off her license. At the time, there were various kinds of theme schools you could go to, and she signed up for something that billed itself as “comedy driving school.” After her class, I asked her how it went, and she said, absolutely steaming mad, that “Someone needs to tell that guy that there’s a difference between being funny and being in a really good mood,” a formulation I think about all the time. Anyway, someone needs to tell the Dennis the Menace team that there’s a difference between being a menace and wasting everyone’s time because you’re one of the dumbest people alive and have no filter or sense of embarrassment about it!