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Back at the turn of the century, when I was working at a doomed San Francisco dot-com, our CEO used to say that everything was about “dollars and eyeballs.” Our job, as he put it, was to “monetize eyeballs.” (He also referred to revealing our troubled financial situation to potential investors as “opening the kimono,” but that’s a traumatic story for a different time.)

Anyway, it’s recently occurred to me that there’s a page on this site that gets an awful lot of eyeballs, but hasn’t been monetized: the comments pop-up! The way I see it, the lot of you compulsively-commenting bastards could be paying your way with lucrative ad impressions. So I’m going waste some time this afternoon trying to see if I can jimmy an ad strip onto that thing. What with my rudimentary HTML skills, you may notice that the comment page is thus a little screwed up. Don’t panic! I’ll post an update here when I think I’m done; if it’s still screwed up, then you can panic.

Update: OK, I think it’s working right. If you’re having problems with the comments page, though, please e-mail me and let me know. Screenshots are helpful.

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Mary Worth, 6/9/05

We can only hope that when Fay’s car was spinning out control and her whole life was flashing before her eyes, she wasn’t forced to linger on this part: ordered by her suffocatingly codependent mother to stay indoors as much as possible and form no outside relationships, she resorts to making a friend of her very own out of scraps of cloth.

Here’s a fun Mary Worth game that we can all play: add “…when you’re drunk!” to anything Rita says to get a real insight into her thought processes. “What was hard to bear is sweet to remember … when you’re drunk!” So, so true.

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Hagar the Horrible, 6/8/05

1. Hagar the Horrible has decided to cheat on his wife.
2. Hagar the Horrible has decided to cheat on his wife … with Vampyra, queen of the undead!

I’m not sure which I find more disturbing. Is Hagar’s decision to stray from the marital vows he took before Odin, Freya, and all the Valkryries supposed to just serve as a setup for this joke (or “joke,” if you prefer)? Or are we going to be treated (or “treated,” if you prefer) to intermittent “Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places” strips?

I’m just a simple comics reader looking for answers. I do like the composition of the second panel though: Hagar stares off into the distance, having been made a fool of, with the word balloon containing the phrase that was the agent of his humiliation hanging mockingly over his head.