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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/24

As a guy who was once a kid who was picked on as kind of a weirdo myself, I am, of course, pulling for Parker. They seem smart and have a oddball sense of humor that will serve them much better as an adult than a tween. But I don’t think Buck is the guy who should be delivering this message. Buck is perhaps the most eminently bullyable character in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I don’t think holding him up as the future Parker has to look forward to is reassuring at all. I guess he’s supposed to be living proof that it does in fact get better, because if this guy is out there every day representing roots country stars and retired horror comics artists and isn’t getting his head shoved into a toilet on the regular, adulthood really must be free of bullies once and for all, you know?

Marvin, 7/11/24

Look, it’s not my fault that this piss-obsessed strip leans on the “Ha ha, a fire hydrant is like a toilet, to a dog” bit! Because now they’ve included a fire hydrant in this non-piss-related strip and all I can think of is that the equivalent with people would be two people standing next to a toilet with no explanation. Are they about to piss? Did they just finish pissing? Did they, or are they about to, piss at the same time? This strip has poisoned my mind, I tell you! Poisoned it!

Pluggers, 7/11/24

Pluggers don’t know where they are or what time of day it is or what’s happening to or around them and, real talk: God, I wish that was me. They seem pretty chill about it!

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Six Chix, 7/10/24

Comics coloring errors have been a source of cruel mockery and speculation on this blog for decades now, but I think that the rate of these mistakes has dropped dramatically as the web has become the primary delivery system for these strips. Still, the possibility always lurks in the background, and can lead to situations like this, where the reader is left unsure whether they’re looking at a mistake or not. What I think is happening here is that this seagull is supposed to be shitting all over this guy’s head, but the colorist recoiled in disgust and instead used red to imply that the bird’s claws had torn the man’s scalp open and he was bleeding everywhere. Both are distasteful, and it’s interesting to think of which is “better”. I vote for shit myself because I’m a baby about pain. Anyway, I guess it’s a joke about a hat?

Family Circus, 7/10/24

Speaking of being a baby about pain, I’m a big softie and whenever I see a friendly, outgoing animal or a happy toddler, I often think about how they must live a good life where they’re loved and well treated. This strip takes that idea to the extreme: only someone who has never experienced pain at all could possibly propose such a horrifying idea in such a casual manner. Good for Jeffy now, but also: someday he’ll see that he’s about to step on a nail, and he’ll just not try to avoid it, because he won’t know why he should. “Now I’ll never lose my shoes again!” he’ll think, the moment before his fool’s paradise of a life dissolves forever.

Mark Trail, 7/10/24

Cherry, for the last time, just because Mark has a little stubble now, that does not make him a bear, plus you are heterosexuals, this is cultural appropriation

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Mary Worth, 7/9/24

OK, here’s the thing: we know really next to nothing about Dawn’s mother, and I admit that I’ve been projecting a lot onto the image of the icy WASP queen in Wilbur’s mind. Basically, I assumed that she was, yes, an icy New Englander, but also a more or less normal person, and honestly it’s kind of surprising that I’ve only now started to wonder if maybe she’s not? Like, let’s be real, this is a woman who let Wilbur [AUTHOR’S NOTE: I CAME UP WITH THREE DIFFERENT INCREASINGLY CRASS EUPHEMISMS FOR “HAVING UNPROTECTED AND ULTIMATELY PROCREATIVE SEX WITH” HERE AND DECIDED NOT TO ACTUALLY RUN WITH ANY OF THEM, YOU’RE WELCOME] her, and anyone who makes that kind of decision can’t be OK, mentally or spiritually. So maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise that she had compiled a quick list of “Ways to bond with Dawn” that went like “1. Do shopping, like in Sex in the City, 2. Go to ballet, 3. Eat at fancy places [research on Yelp.com], 4. Discuss various issues of interest to college students [research on TikTok],” and when none of that took, just texted her the PDF of a plane ticket home from the next room and trusted her to do the right thing.

Six Chix, 7/9/24

So it’s been a little bit since I checked in with Six Chix, but, you know what? If a syndicated newspaper comic does a strip where you see someone dry-humping a giant sandwich, that’s absolutely going to make it onto my blog. If there’s anything you should know about joshreads dot com, the Comics Curmudgeon, it’s that. In a perfect world it would’ve been Blondie, but they long ago lost their joie de vivre, so kudos to Six Chix for stepping up to the plate.