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Mary Worth, 5/7/06

STIRLING VS. STIRLING! BATTLE ROYALE! WHO WILL BE THE WINNER? As near as I can tell, it will be whoever can point the most vigorously. Kelly got into an early lead in panel two, with a triumphant index finger nearly poking out of the frame, but Lou comes back strong in panel seven with a point so powerful it leaves motion-line streaks behind it at two different angles. The sheer rage of this emotional combat is in fact reflect by the motion lines everywhere — trailing Lou’s hands, radiating from Kel’s spoon, and smearing off of the sides of her eyes as even nature takes sides against her.

That’s a pretty nice rant Lou’s worked himself up into by the final panel. “And I can’t follow you where you want to go with this!” Jesus, man, she’s not planning on murdering schoolchildren and then selling their organs for crystal meth money; she just wants to take a walk once in a while. Chill!

In other news, I’m going to have to revisit something I said last month. I claimed that a recent Phantom that featured Mrs. Phantom changing in a moonlit mountain clearing was one of the most gratuitous moments in newspaper comics history. But I clearly didn’t know the meaning of the word gratuitous until today:

The Phantom, 5/7/06

“There’s something out there, Kit … I’d better expose my breasts to it!” But just in case you get so hot and bothered that you forget that you’re reading the Phantom, panel five reminds you: it may be the first instance of comics erotica to feature this strip’s trademark interrobang.

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Pearls Before Swine, 5/6/06

I’m on the record as being annoyed by Pearls Before Swine’s crocs. But you know how sometimes you can’t define why something is funny but you’re pretty sure it’s funny anyway? Well, the fact that this she-croc is, unlike all the other crocs we’ve encountered to this point, perfectly capable of speaking English in a normal fashion in and not in that horrible croc-pidgin, is funny.

Also funny: The fact that PBS characters all seem to sit on that floppy little pillow when watching TV.

Also also funny: The she-croc’s enormous afro.

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Curtis, 5/5/06

Though Curtis-bashing is often the order of the day around here, I’ve come to have admiration for the strip’s art, which is generally funnier than the ostensible humor content. It’s busy and kind of old school and I like it. Today my heart was won over by Gunther’s niece Rose Petal (oddly referred to as “Niece Rose Petal”, though at least not as “Niece ‘Rose Petal'”) who appears to be Gunther in drag. And not very convincing drag. The weird boobs, the impossible butt, the buck teeth — good times, good times.

Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, somebody’s a little concerned about Sophie the homework outsourcer:

We now know that Sam and Abbey’s palatial estate is in Florida … because that’s clearly none other than erstwhile Sunshine State election honcho, current Congressperson, and future failed Senate candidate Katherine Harris!