Hey folks, in case anyone was coming to my comedy show this month (tonight) … it’s off this month for the holiday! Instead here’s your comment of the week … right here, right now!
“You DESERVE royal treatment, Andrzej — that’s why I’ve poisoned you. It’s the death of kings, my love.” –DNH
“Who’d have thought bacon, eggs and buttered toast for breakfast would suddenly start being unhealthy after 40 years? Certainly no one in this medical comic strip, that’s for sure!” –BigTed
“Meanwhile, across town, Rex’s ‘medical sense’ starts to tingle. Someone needs a doctor, and quickly. Good thing there are a lot of doctors in the world, he thinks, as he judges his approach to a tricky par 4.” –Voshkod
“So … Marvin can just straight up talk now? In complete sentences? That adults can fully understand? We’re just done with the Garfield-style thought bubbles? Okay, fine, I’m willing to accept all that. But if Marvin has progressed to the point that he’s able to use the word ‘technically,’ don’t you think he’d also be able to say ‘pajamas’? If there’s a Venn diagram of people who say ‘technically’ and people who say ‘jammies,’ those two circles don’t overlap.” –Joe Blevins
“‘If it’s hard, you’re guilty’ was also Slylock’s investigative method during the animal Lavender Scare.” –Ettorre
“Foxes do not sweat like humans. The droplets of water around Slylock’s face are the result of his needing to splash his face with a wet handkerchief in order to avoid passing out in the brutal heat. He considers this to be a more reasonable way to avoid heatstroke than loosening his tie, removing his suit coat, taking off his deerstalker hat, and not wearing that stupid cape. Shady Shrew will have an ironclad defense when he is put on trial, namely that Slylock’s testimony is that of an obvious idiot.” –seismic-2
“Dawn is absolutely saying the word ‘SOB!’ as she runs canters marionettes away. ‘CRY!’ she adds as she reaches the edge of the park. ‘BOO HOO,’ she adds coquettishly as she waits for Jared to shuffle limply after her, and ‘WEEEEEP’ she concludes after taking off again, limbs flailing morosely against the setting sun.” –els
“Do it, Jared. Yell ‘You were my brother, Dawn! I loved you!’ Be a Star Wars nerd legend.” –Dan
“Henry looks so devastated comparing himself to Mr. Clean there. He knows he is Mr. Dirty.” –Uncle Lumpy
“I assume the Pluggers team keep a stack of easy-to-draw submissions for a lazy Friday afternoon. If you spend most of your time having to draw broken-down trucks and stacked supermarket aisles, sometimes you just want to take a break and draw a plugger in a bleak void, staring at a grey line.” –Schroduck
“Dennis has decided to try and set up a gay affair for his father. Menace to heterosexual monogamy stopped being controversial in the 90s. 2/10″ –Dunkelcopter
“Generally speaking, I find it inexcusable when comics use gags that attempt to fit two parts of a joke across what would be a significant passage of time and often physical distance between lines. But this one here, where a daydrinking birdman mentions getting fired from his job, followed by what must be several hours of drinking in complete silence into the late evening before concluding his comment? This works.” –jroggs
“‘Designated drivers.’ No matter how hard Hi and Lois tries to do a baseball joke, it still comes out a golf joke.” –Peanut Gallery
“Every day, win, lose, or rainout. Yes, I said rainout. Sure, I used to blame my son for the mighty tempest that kept the boys off the diamond. But no more. My love for my son is complete again, and I reserve my spite for the gods who conspire to foil the works of man. Next question!” –Vice President John Adams
“Streaming Channel G spans the globe looking for G-related content. Producer to crew: ‘Hey, there’s some kid pitcher in Ohio who’s nearly blind and get this: He spells his name with three Gs!!!’” –Hibbleton
“What Dagwood is looking for is a mug custom-made of sugar glass, like they use in movies, so it won’t hurt when Dithers shatters it over his skull.” –cheech wizard
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